it's you [malik]

thirty-one || 7 o'clock

God, I slept so good last night. Last night was literally almost perfect. Zayn and I were getting along and it was just really peaceful and fun. I guess.

All we did was talk, honestly. His witty and bold flirtatious nature combined with my sarcastic and somewhat shy mannerisms make a entertaining mix. We have really good banter and we constantly tease and mock each other.

Shit.

This isn't what friends with benefits do.

Why is this happening? I can't even have a sexual relationship with someone without it turning complicated. Why is everything so complicated with me?

Whatever.

I'm not going to let my obsessive thinking ruin my day. I had a near perfect night with a near perfect guy in a no where near perfect situation.

This is my life now.

The only thing I can do is make the best of it, right?

I blink my eyes open and freeze when I begin to notice a warmth against me.

No.

I peer down taking in the sight of my arm draped over a soft tan skinned abdomen accompanied by a arm that isn't mine wrapped loosely around my waist.

No.

I carefully look up and see the face I dreaded seeing. Zayn. His eyes were closed as those long butterfly like eyelashes rested just above his cheekbones. His breathing is really soft and quiet like a baby's and I can't help but compare him to an angel.

Ironically, I've been feeling like I'm in my own personal purgatory since tour started.

I slowly untangle myself from him sliding out of his bed and immediately leave the room quietly so I don't wake him up.

I ride uncomfortably in the elevator up to the fourth floor as my thoughts race frantically.

I feel sick.

As soon as I'm surrounded by the safety of my own room I start silently freaking out. Screaming into a pillow, pretending to throw things, mouthing multiple curse words into the air.

Fuck.

This is the first time we have ever slept in the same bed. Ever.

Literally after we have sex either I leave, or he go's on his couch leaving the bed for me to sleep in. Why not this time?

Seriously, we were cuddling. Sleeping together like a fucking couple.

God, I just want to throw up in my mouth. This cannot happen. In no scenario is any of this going to have a positive outcome.

No feelings were supposed to be involved but every time he looks at me or says something annoyingly cute my stupid heart flutters and I get indescribable feelings in the depths of my stomach.

No feelings were supposed to be involved but he says shit and does shit that makes me feel like maybe, just maybe he's developing feelings for me too.

Too?

It's 7 o'clock in the morning. I need someone to talk to about this. I am literally so flustered I can't even think rationally.

Nia.

I know she isn't awake but, shes the one who wants to be involved and give advice. This is going to be her opportunity.

I walk out into the hallway leaving my door slightly cracked since I don't feel like trying to find my key card.

I tap lightly knowing she's a soft sleeper and also not wanting to wake up Brooklyn, who's right next door as well.

What I'm even going to say?

I want to tell her how I'm feeling but, how can I do that if I don't even understand how I feel? Then again, Nia knows me better than I know myself so she's probably going to have some type of explanation and hopefully a resolution. 

About 10 seconds later her door cracks open slightly and I see her eye peek through so I just wave awkwardly.

"Alana. It is 7 o'clock in the morning. What could possibly be the issue?" she says letting me in then sitting on her bed rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Well, you know how you said I could talk to you if I ever felt some type of way about you-know-who?" I say slowly then I watch as her eyes light up.

"Oh my fucking god. You like him." she gasped a wide smile spreading across her previously tired face.

Well...

"Not necessarily. I spent the night with him yesterday and nothing happened really we were just hanging out y'know? But, it was weird because I kept felling all mushy inside when he said certain things or looked at me a certain way." I explain trying to ignore her overly excited nature. "We fell asleep together and I just don't know what to do. He keeps calling me babe and shit."

I feel my face turn beat red as I wait for her to respond. I really just expressed my feelings out loud, something that I never do. I'm usually just the type to suffer in silence but this is eating me alive and I need help.

"Y'all spooned?" is all she says chuckling.

Great, shes not even taking me seriously.

"That's my cue." I roll my eyes then head for the door completely over this whole entire situation.

"No. I'm sorry. Wait, I want to help." she says then I just turn around with my arms crossed.

"Okay so did you guys have sex?"

"Not last night. Possibly yesterday morning." I say sheepishly and she just raises her eyebrows.

This shouldn't be news to her. I guess Brook didn't tell her after all. You would think she would have been dying to but maybe she does know how to not talk shit about me.

"You have a crush on Zayn." she says then I just roll my eyes.

This can't be happening. He is such an asshole. It's always the assholes.

I just groan then lay next to Nia on her bed and reflect on how my life has changed in just 2 months. I was a just barista at Starbucks and my life wasn't complicated with guys it was just normal. I would kill for that right now.

"If it helps, you guys would be so cute together. Like y'all are both extremely attractive and you ha-"

"Nia. It's not happening. I have a boyfriend, I don't want to be cute with Zayn. This was just supposed to be meaningless sex. Now I like him or something. I can't do this." I cut her off then she just sighs standing up and pacing.

"It's going to be fine, Alana. Can't you just avoid him? You don't really have to see him you know?" she proposes. "Out of sight out of mind."

"Nothing works. The last time I tried to avoid him I ended up fucking him in an elevator." I confessed then her jaw just drops. 

"I know. I have no self control around him. He's just so sexy, god he's alluring and just the best in bed. Then, he has the audacity to be sweet and funny like I'm not supposed to end up catching feelings for him." I rant.

She just looks about as confused as I feel and I realize this situation is hopeless. No one can help me. I made my bed now I have to lay in it.

"You're in deep. The pretty ones always fuck things up. Look at Brooklyn." she says just sitting down on the bed next to me. "It's fucked up."

It sure is.