it's you [malik]

thirty-three | fml

Zayn

I can't lie. I was shocked  and disappointed when Alana left my room this morning. I don't know why since that's what she usually does. I guess since last night wasn't like any other night we've had I assumed she wouldn't have to run off.

Last night was probably my favorite out of all our nights together, honestly. We didn't even do anything special but talk to each other about random shit but there was just something about it that made me feel good on the inside. It felt better than any sex we've ever had, and that's saying something because our sex is completely gratifying.

I got to be close to her in a different way yesterday and it was refreshing. Her laugh is nearly therapeutic and the way she looked at me made my heart stop. The best part was when she cuddled up against me in her sleep, laying her head on my chest and draping her arm across my torso. I was going to go lay on the couch like usual but she just looked so peaceful so I stayed there just thinking about things.

Her specifically.

I came to the conclusion that I can't stay away from her no matter how hard I try. I feel like shit for doing this to Niall but I just can't get her out of my head and I'm not sure if it's because I'm developing feelings for her now or if our sex is just too good to let go.

After last night I know what the answer is.

I woke up as soon as I felt her get out of the bed and I didn't say anything as I watched her walk out the door. I wanted to say something to make her stay so I could spend more time with her because I don't know when I'm going to see her next. Technically, she was only coming over yesterday so she could tell me what happened with Brooklyn. I don't know if she's still ignoring me.

The only way to find out is to ask.

"so are you still ignoring me or can i see you tonight?"

I wait an hour and she doesn't reply.

I'm not still blocked am I?

What if she's mad at me again?

No, she can't be. I haven't done anything wrong.

Then again, she gets mad at me for no reason all of the time.

I'll just find her and see. It's not like I have anything better to do it's only 8:45.

She usually gets breakfast from downstairs but I don't know if she's going to be with her friends or alone. I guess I'll never know if I don't go. I'm sort of hungry anyways.

After I shower I head downstairs to the lobby and I see her instantly sitting at a table with Nia and Brooklyn. They aren't really talking though just sitting there in silence. Weird.

I walk over to the buffet and nothing I see really looked good to me so I just grab a strawberry then sit a few tables away from them. I make eye contact with all three of them then I start rethinking if this was a good idea or not. It wasn't.

Alana practically runs away when she see's me with Nia following her, and Brook storming after them as well.

Well, I'll take that unasked mad question as a yes.

Alana

With all of this shit happening I almost forgot we even had a show tonight. Honestly, sometimes I feel like all the drama takes away from the experience I could be having in all of these countries, performing in front of thousands of fans. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm wasting it all on dealing with fake friends, men's emotions and its bullshit.

I'm so tired of this.

If I could go back in time I would do a lot of things differently, if not everything. I spent the whole day in my room wallowing in self pity. Arguing with Brooklyn made me so nauseous I keep feeling like I'm going to throw up. Or maybe it's because I haven't eaten.

Also, the thought of talking to Zayn is making me feel sick as well. I'm not going to tell him I like him or anything but I just am not ready to feel weak around him again. I need a week to recover from last night. I'm feeling too emotional from it.

I'm just laying down when I hear knocks on my door. Please don't be Zayn.

"Who is it?" I say.

"It's Niall." I hear a strong accent say.

Shit. I did text him earlier. Also, I've really been away from him for so long that his accent sounds almost unrecognizable.

I get up and open the door seeing his smiling face just makes me feel better almost instantly. I pull him into a hug wrapping my arms around his neck and just feeling his warmth as he embraces me as well.

"I'm sorry." I say then he just hushed me kissing my temple.

"I missed you Alvarrez." He chuckled then I pulled away chuckling a bit.

"We thought this tour was going to make us closer but I feel like its tearing us apart." I say then he just sighed walking over to me.

He lifted my chin up then pressed his lips to mine passionately. My heart drops as I kissed him back feeling like a horrible person for not just telling him I'm cheating on him. I just don't have the heart to tell him.

"I love you."

What?

I couldn't have possibly heard him say he loves me. He can't love me. My stomach churns and my mouth fills with hot spit before I run to my bathroom vomiting into the the toilet.

As if things couldn't get worse.

"Holy shit Lana are you alright, love?" Niall runs after me rubbing my back. I just nodded and stood up grabbing my toothbrush to get the taste of bile out of my mouth.

"Are you going to be able to perform? Should I tell someone you aren't feeling well?" He asked then I just spit out my toothpaste shaking my head.

"I'm fine." I lie still feeling sick but trying my best to hide it.

"So that was just your reaction to me saying I love you?" he asked then I just went silent.

"You know you don't have to say it back." he chuckled. "I just wanted you to know."

I just nod and he kissed my forehead saying that I shouldn't perform tonight. I tell him I'm okay while getting all of my stuff then we go downstairs so he can drive us to the venue.

I look down at my phone for the first time in hours checking my notifications and automatically see a text from Zayn asking if he can see me tonight.

Is he not tired of me?

I don't reply and just shut off my phone trying to get myself mentally prepared for this show that starts in just an hour. I still feel nauseous, I have a headache plus I'm stressed the fuck out because I'm cheating on my boyfriend that loves me with his bestfriend that I have feelings for.

Seriously fuck my life.

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A/N:

I don't usually do authors notes but I want more votes and comments on this story and I think this will help so. HEY!! VOTE COMMENT AND STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER LOVES.