it's you [malik]

thirty-four || not alright

"Lana you look horrible." Nia says coming up to me as I laid with my eyes closed on the couch in our dressing room.

I really wish I would've just said I wasn't going to perform tonight because I feel (and look apparently) awful. Everything around me is spinning and I'm shivering cold but I feel myself sweating like it's hot.

Niall and I got to the venue about 15 minutes ago and it's busy as usual. But since I'm sick, all of the quick paced movement was making me feel dizzy so, I just decided to hurry up and get dressed. I really needed to sit down a rest for a few minutes before the show starts.

"I feel horrible. I think the stress is getting to me." I answer swinging my legs off of the couch leaning over as soon as I feel another wave of nausea hit me.

"Hell no. You are not about to throw up on me. Let's try getting you some water and maybe something to eat." she said helping me up from my hunched position.

We walk out to the main area backstage slowly because I'm literally using Nia as support. If she wasn't holding me up I would probably be sprawled out on the floor right now possibly throwing up again.

God, this can't happen right now. I dont want to let down our fans.

I need to get my shit together.

"I'm going to try walking by myself." I tell Nia letting her go, finally feeling my own weight for the first time in about an hour.

Baby steps.

I walk away from her then over to the drinks and snacks area. I never usually come over here because usually eating or drinking anything before a show throws my dancing off but right now, I couldn't give a fuck.

I stood against the wall near the table slowly taking back a bottle of water, not trying to drink too much too fast since I have a weak stomach at the moment.

Why is my life such a mess right now? I can't believe Niall said he loved me.

He barely ever fucking see's me, how could he possibly love me?

Then, he just told me like it was the most normal thing to say to someone you haven't seen in like two weeks. It's honestly unbelievable. Just wait till I tell Nia.

She's going to completely flip shit.

Just when I was about to walk back to the room I start to smell that familiar scent of Chanel cologne and I basically feel my insides liquefy.

In sequence I see the hair, followed by the smirk, then the honey colored eyes that were locked on mine.

Oh god.

Automatically, I turn around pretending I didn't see him. To look busy I scanned over the food on the table knowing I have absolutely no appetite for it.

"Hey."

I feel a hand press to the small of my back and I immediately spin around facing my oppressor.

Is he insane? What if Niall would've saw that?

"Zayn you need to stay away from me." I say quietly, backing away from him.

While walking backwards I accidentally bump into the table. It sends me forward causing me to almost losing my balance but I feel a grip on my waist stabilizing me.

Zayn's grip.

"Are you alright, love?" He asked softly looking down at me with concern.

That's when I broke.

I stepped out of his hands, pushing him away from me.

As soon as the question left his lips I finally feel how deep of a hole I dug myself into. It's like all this weight has been stacking up for weeks and I'm finally being crushed by it.

"No, Zayn. I'm not." I say failing to blink back my stubborn tears that stream onto my cheeks anyway.

I quickly walk away feeling my stomach lurch then find myself face deep into a nearby trashcan emptying the contents of my stomach.

Fuck the show. I want to get out of here.

Members of the crew backstage came over to me and so did Niall bringing me blankets, water and a whole bunch of questions along the lines of : "Are you okay?" "Do you need a medic?" "Can you still perform?".

All of which I immediately answered "no" to.

"Can someone call me a car so I can go?" I asked then Niall told everyone not to crowd me and helped me onto a nearby chair.

"Are you going to be okay all by yourself? Do you need me to come with so I can take care of you?"

He got a wet paper towel to put on my forehead and he's rubbing my back soothing me. God, he looks so worried about me and it just makes me feel even more guilty.

"No, be here for the boys. I'm fine." I say bringing my hand up to his face and caressing his cheek.

"I'm always here for the boys. Let me be here for you." He said looking upset. I just sighed then leaned forward, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

"Ms. Alvarez your car's ready."

I look towards the crew member then just nod, preparing to stand up but Niall decided to carry me out to the car instead (bridal style). He even went back inside to get my stuff after we realized it had been left behind.

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" he asked once we got everything situated.

Someone called for him to go back inside a few minutes ago but he had been ignoring them so he could stay with me longer.

"Yes. Now go back inside, I don't want to get you in trouble." I say pushing him away playfully.

Maybe, it wouldn't have been too bad to take him with me to the hotel. Since I threw up (the second time) he's really distracted me and I even feel a little bit better because he's around me.

This is how it's supposed to be.

"You know you should really see a doctor." he states continuing to postpone his leave.

I absolutely hate doctors, hospitals, and everything of that nature. Plus, we're in a foreign country so that just makes it even more unappealingan option.

"I'm fine, babe. Seriously. Don't worry about me. Go do what you love and perform." I say then he puts his hands up in a surrendering motion.

He closed my car door, blew me a kiss through the overly tinted windows, then I watch as he trotted back into the building. I take a relief-like sigh, leaning back into the leather seats and closing my eyes to relax myself.

I feel like every time I'm with him I have to put on an act. The "perfect, non-cheating, in love" girlfriend act and I hate it. He deserves someone who can be that for him naturally not whatever it is I am.

I just wish it all would stop.

••••••
A/N:

CAN I JUST SAY THAT IM LOVING ALL THE LOVE FROM YOU GUYS IN THE COMMENT SECTION OF A FEW OF MY CHAPTERS!!!

hope you guys enjoy this im about to start writing thirty-five!! im also revising the earlier chapters as well so yeah :))

i love u guys uwu.

DONT FORGET TO VOTE COMMENT ADD TO YOUR READING LIST ANDDDD STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAP COMING IN ABOUT 2-3 DAYS!!