The Unwanted Daughter [An SVU and Bensler Fan Fic]

-Sixteen-

**** WARNING: THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN SOME DARKER TOPICS [SUICIDE + SELF HARM] SO IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS, PLEASE BE WARY AND PROBABLY SKIP THIS CHAPTER****

When Elliot and Fin arrived at the hospital, Elliot was in tears. He should've known that addressing Loren wasn't the best thing for Bay. It was crystal clear now.

"I didn't think that she was even thinking about this. Fin, could you see that? Could you see how upset she was when she left?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, she was upset. But I thought it was just about her mother." Fin spoke, and Elliot nodded slowly.

"I'm so scared."

"I know you are, man. But you have to deal with it. She's your kid, and this was a cry for help."

Elliot got out of the car and headed into the ER. Fin was walking beside him because he knew that Elliot probably wanted to run to get away from this because he was scared to face it.

"Elliot." Olivia whimpered when she saw her boyfriend walk into the ER. Elliot quickly ran towards her and held her closely.

"Is she okay? Are you okay?"

"I'm so scared. She just... she walked out into the living room crying. She kept saying that she was sorry, but that she couldn't deal with everything anymore. There was so much blood. I don't know why I didn't see that she was so upset." Olivia whimpered into Elliot's shirt.

"I didn't either. Don't blame yourself, alright? Baby, you did nothing."

"I wasn't there for her. I'm her mother and I wasn't there for her." Olivia sobbed. Elliot held her even closer as he started to prepare himself for being the strong one. He didn't want to make Olivia feel bad if she was crying and then he was crying. He needed to be there for her.

[=]

Olivia and Elliot waited for hours, and no one came to talk to them. Fin left and got Olivia new clothes, and Elliot had to help her change because she was so freaking numb. When they walked out of the bathroom, Elliot had his arm wrapped around her waist. A nurse was sitting next to Fin, and they sped up.

"You have news?" Elliot asked, and the nurse stood up and nodded.

"Yes. Your daughter is going to be kept on a 72-hour hold. She will receive care for her thoughts and feelings. We had to give her several stitches, and once you sign these, we will take her up into a room to make sure she doesn't try to commit suicide again." The nurse spoke, and Elliot swallowed hard.

"We want to see her first."

"Si-"

"I was the one who had to call an ambulance for her. I was the one covered in her blood. I just want to see her." Olivia whispered, and the nurse frowned.

"I'll go ask her doctors."

Olivia looked at Elliot, as they walked over and sat down.

"If we don't see her before, we will see her after the 72 hours. I promise." Elliot spoke, and Olivia just shook her head.

"I fucking hate this."

[=]

Bay laid in the hospital bed, just as numb as Olivia. She had her arms and legs secured to the bed, and the room had pretty much been emptied. She had a few spare tears running down her cheeks, but most of them had dried and caused her face to tighten. 

She hated what she had did, and almost completely regretted it from the moment it happened. She had run from the bathroom, blade still in hand, and started to apologize to Olivia for what she did. But she had really wanted to die. She hated how Loren was not just someone she came out of, she wasn't just someone who had given her up. She was a human, one that Bay had finally met. One that had gone through losing both parents and having to sell herself just to live.

She knew that trying to kill herself was going to give her siblings another reason to hate her. She knew that they would make fun of her and treat her like shit.

"Bay, how are you feeling?" A shrink asked, and Bay turned her head to look at her and swallowed hard.

"I feel like shit."

"Do you regret what you did?"

"Yeah, because my Mom saw it."

"The woman that brought you in is your mother?"

"Not biologically. Not even legally. She's my father's girlfriend, and she said she'd raise me."

"They want to see you, do you want to see them?"

"No." Bay breathed, and the doctor nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"I don't want to see how angry they are at me. Just do what you have to so I can get out of here."

[=]

Olivia was heartbroken. Hearing that Bay didn't want to see them made her so upset. Elliot had to pull her from the hospital because she was refusing to leave by herself. She didn't want to leave Bay here alone, but she couldn't stay here for 72 hours.

Bay was thinking about what she had been thinking. Why she did what she did.

She was feeling unwanted once again. She was feeling like life would never feel full. She didn't know that Maureen or Lizzie had wanted to make everything up to her. Or at least try and have a relationship with her.

She honestly thought that everything wouldn't work out. That Olivia and Elliot would break up. That she would be sent back to foster care because Elliot wouldn't want her anymore. That Olivia wouldn't want her either because she is Elliot's daughter. She just thought that maybe it would be better to not have to face all of the horrible things she had thought up.

But she didn't realize that her attempt to take her own life was hurting Olivia, Elliot, and even her siblings. Because once Elliot and Olivia got home, and Elliot got Olivia to sleep, he called his other kids to tell them about what was happening.

"Hey, Dad. What did we do to deserve hearing from you twice in the same day?" Maureen asked as she and her siblings all sat around her phone which was on speaker phone.

"Kids, I don't know if you care, but Bay tried to kill herself tonight. I won't be able to really address the custody thing and any divorce thing till we can figure out what is happening."

"Is she okay?" Maureen asked as she looked over at her siblings, their mouths were all wide open because they were surprised.

"I don't know. She didn't want to see us. Just... if any of you feel this way, tell me. I'll be there for you."

Like always, if you are feeling like harming yourself or taking your life, please get help. People out there need you and love you. I'm always here to talk, and since we don't have to see each other every day, it might be easier to talk to me. Everything that is said is going to stay private, just between me and you. 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

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