Stargirl

The Beginning

I sat in the makeup chair as my phone kept ringing over and over again.

"Hello?" I finally answered

"Um, where the heck are you?" Chase, my boyfriend, asked me

I took a deep breath, "New York."

"You're doing this again?" Chase sighed

"You can't keep skipping classes, because of modeling." Chase went on

I kept quiet as the people around me kept doing my hair and makeup.

"Chase, it's not like you're paying my tuition. I'll be back tomorrow, I'm catching a late night flight." I reminded him

Then the director walked into the room.

"I have to go, I'll talk to you later." I said, quickly ending the call

"Ready?" She asked me

I nodded, "Of course."

This is what I loved to do.

It wasn't like college when I felt like I was wasting my life every morning.

I couldn't pay attention in class because my heart wasn't in it.

But my heart was in this even if the people around me couldn't see it.

I was meeting so many new people, seeing new places, and growing as a person.

A week later, I was back at Clemson University, doing the same old thing over and over again. Wake up, eat, class, get out of class, walk to a different class, maybe have a small break, then back to class, dance practice,a sorority meeting, study, then sleep.

I gave college five months and I still felt like it wasn't for me.

I wasn't happy there.

I didn't understand how my sister put herself through it for four years when she had so much more to offer to the world.

Clemson had nothing to offer me anymore.

There was so much more to life than going to classes, but I knew my family and friends just wouldn't understand.

"What's going on with you?" Chase asked me as we stood in church

I shook my head, "Nothing, I'm just tired from mid-terms."

"Holland, come on, be honest with me." He went on

"I told you, I'm just tired." I answered

Chase sighed and walked towards his family.

I sat down in the church pew and rolled my eyes.

Dear God, please lead me in the right direction.

I didn't talk to Chase for the rest of night even though it was Christmas eve.

I spent Christmas with my family doing the same Christmas activities we did every year like cookie decorating, watching Christmas movie, and just spending time together.

Even though that my family had our differences, I knew that they would always be there for me.

But I had to decide if this is what I really wanted before I told them.

The day after Christmas, I went over to Chase's house with an open mind and an open heart.

I walked upstairs to his room, opened the door, and saw the unimaginable.

"Oh my fucking gosh!" I yelled

My boyfriend in bed, naked, with another girl.

"Holland, it's not what it looks like." Chase spoke definitively as he sat up

I scoffed, "It's exactly what it looks like."

"All of these months together for you just to throw it away like this? I can't believe you, Chase, fuck you." I ended

I walked down the stairs and as I got in my car, of course he had the nerve to come.

"Holland, come on baby, I need you. I love you!" Chase spoke

"You don't cheat on someone that you need or love!" I roared

I watched at the girl who was in his bed walked out. She threw water on him, got in her car that was parked across the street, and left without another word.

"Guess you're all alone now." I smirked before I got in my car

Was I hurt? Yes.

Did I cry? Yes

Did I not leave my bed for a few days? Yes.

But did I forget who I was? Hell no.

I wiped my own tears and got myself back on my feet.

Because now I was gonna do whatever I pleased.