Stargirl

20

"How is your Mom?" I asked Levi as I sat on my bed

I was supposed to be getting ready for Avery's party, but I was too busy playing Nancy Drew.

But Cathleen was always going to have a special place in my heart. I sent her care packages and letters every two weeks so she knew I was thinking of her.

"I mean she's acting like this is just the flu. We all know she's gonna go soon, but it's hurting everyone. I heard her and my Dad putting together arrangements - funeral arrangments." He explained

I shook my head, "She doesn't deserve this."

"Bad things happen to good people, I don't think it's really hit me yet. It probably won't until she actually, you know, goes." Levi went on

I fiddled with my fingers, "Is Ry okay?"

"God, don't even get me started. He's a fucking mess, but he has been a mess way before he found out about Mom. I'm not a doctor, but I would say that he is depressed. It's hard to get him out of bed now that he put off his tour to help with Mom. He's not himself anymore, Holland." Levi informed me

Someone who breaks up with you by choice isn't necessarily depressed. Especially when we were so happy.

"Could you go over your break up again?" Levi asked me

"I wish I recorded it. It was so weird Levi, he never talked to me like that. It was very monotone and he used words he never used like consensus." I informed him

"Mhm, was he somewhere before that?" Levi went on

I thought back to our fight.

Where was he going after he bought me the pizza?

"Oh, a meeting with his management," I remembered

Levi sighed, "You know he fucking hates Andras, right? What's December 1st to him?"

"I don't know, Levi! 24 days before Christmas?" I exclaimed frustrated

I didn't want to talk or think about Ryder after what he did to me but Levi was making me remember everything.

"Holland please think." Levi pleaded

I put the phone on speaker and laid down on my bed.

What was December 1st to him?

I began going through all of my memories with Ryder.

That date only came up after interactions with one person, Andras.

But for what?

"Oh my gosh, it's when his contract with Andras is up." I told Levi

"Fuck." Levi mumbled, "That makes a lot of sense."

"Mom asked him where you were the other day and he said 'I don't know, I'll try again after December 1st.' Oh my gosh." Levi thought aloud

I had no idea what point he was trying to get at but I listened to his thought process.

"Holland, don't you think that breakup was extremely weird? Because everyone and their Mom know how much Ryder loves you. He would do anything for you even if it hurt you both." Levi continued

I shook my head, "What are you trying to say?"

"I don't think he wanted to break up with you, I think he was forced to." He revealed

That took me back.

"Oh." I croaked, "Well, I don't know what to say."

"Even if that's true, Mara still manages me, so." I reminded him