Behind the Tears of War

chapter 11

"Destiny!" A voice called from the distance, but I was too weak to respond. Events from the night before were rushing through my head. I couldn't help it, I started shaking, and I could no longer hold back the tears. I huddled myself into a ball trying to catch my breath so I could regain composure, but I knew it was my fault Clarissa was gone. If only I'd stayed home, it wouldn't have been her. "Destiny!" I heard the voice call out in a worried rush again, they were getting closer, but I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay there, sitting on the cold ground, my muddy attire not able to keep me the slightest bit of warm.

The world was so huge, and I was just one tiny piece inside of it, why did it matter if I were here when everyone else was slowly dying on the behalf of me. My stupidness, my carelessness. It all was my fault, there was no denying that, but I was able to hold back my tears and wipe them away quickly . I just sat there in the cold breathing shakily when the familiar voice found me. "Oh my God, Destiny are you okay, you nearly scared me to death!" Matt's voice came in a rush.

"No." I whispered in a quiet but shaky tone. My teeth were chattering against a cold chill that the downpour of rain had left. It didn't really help that my cloths were soaked, because they clung to my skin and made the chill almost freezing. Matt didn't say anything, just crept forward watching me. "Matt, Clarissa's dead. Jay told me last night." I paused trying to collect myself, but I couldn't because in a rush I continued. " They're gone, both of them. My mom, and Clarissa... They are both dead Matt, and it's my fault." I bit my lip, trying to force back my tears. Although I couldn't do much about the weakening of my voice.

Matt looked like he'd been hit across the face when I told him about Clarissa. Although, even when he was trying to take in this information himself, he sat down beside me. We sat there in silence and watched our breaths disturb the air. "It's not your fault." Matt whispered.

This only made things worse for me though. "No, it should be me. I should've been there yesterday watching Katrina not her. I was the one they were looking for." I cried out, finally allowing the tears to escape. It was useless, what was the point in crying? It seemed to be all I ever did those days.

"Destiny," Matt's voice was soft,"If it would've been you there, where would Katrina be? Where would I be?" His voice wasn't as steady as he probably wanted it to be.

"Yeah, but if I was there I could've protected Katrina, and myself. We'd be safe, and Clarissa would be home right now. She wouldn't be gone just like that." I reasoned with a slight quiver to my voice. Matt didn't say anything, just hesitantly placed a hand on my shoulder. Although almost instantly he jolted back.

"You're soaked." Matt said, although, it was more to himself than to me.

"No kidding" I mumbled, trying to hide the chatter of my teeth.

"How long have you been out here?" Matt gave a worried glance while placing his warm hand against my cheek. Although it felt nice against the chill of my face, I must've felt like ice considering the reaction Matt gave to his touch.

I didn't want to tell him the truth, I wanted to lie right then and there.I wanted to tell him that I was fine, that I'd only been outside in the cold for a hour or two, and that he didn't have to worry about me. Although I couldn't really seem to find my way out of it, it was no lie that I had gone a little too far this time. "All night..." I whispered through the god forbidden chatter of my teeth. "I didn't mean to do it, I just, I thought that I should-"

"It's okay, It's okay, I know." Matt interrupted with a hushed tone. I could see him taking his jacket off with the corner of my eyes. "Here, take off that jacket you're wearing, it's soaked. I know it can't be keeping you warm at all." Matt instructed with a soft voice.