MARIEL

5~Nine~

It was 3am, and Todd's hands hung loosely from his lap as he stared at the stall door in the restroom. He sat on the toilet, fully clothed, staring emptily at the door handle.

'We have some bad news, Mr. Caravan.'

Mary was still in her room, sleeping. After the accident, she had begun to give birth, but an ambulance had arrived not long after the process started. She didn't know yet. When she woke up, Todd would have to break the news to his wife.

'Your wife is stable and sleeping but... we lost the baby. I'm so sorry.'

Todd had started to back away, tears welling in his eyes.

'Is there anything that I, we, can do?'

He had cried on his mother's shoulder. The last time he had cried had been on the day he found out Mary was pregnant. Now, because of his stupidity, they had lost their little girl. Todd knew Mary would never forgive him, and he did would not blame her. He would never forgive himself, and now he wished he had his gun.

The restroom entrance door swung open and Todd abruptly stood. He heard the stall door next to him swing open. Brushing tears from his eyes, he left the stall and returned to the hospital hall. Breathing slowly, he moved one foot in front of the other as he made his way to the waiting room.

Patricia sat in the waiting room, her eyes closed and head leaning back against the wall.

"Mom."

She opened her eyes and stood up immediately. "Honey, you okay?"

Todd stared drearily at his mother, a thin woman of moderate height and with thick, shoulder length gray hair. She had always been a strong soul, even throughout his parents' divorce in his teen years. Patricia had never allowed him to see or hear the fights between them. She had held many protective qualities as a young mother, and still did.

He shook his head and sunk into a chair. "Gotta tell you something."

She sat beside him and took his hand. "Talk to me."

Todd closed his eyes. "I reached for my phone when it happened. I – I wanted to talk to Mary, to see if she was okay because –" He heaved in a breath, his last desperate attempt to refrain from crying, but it was to no avail. The tears came fast. "I insisted we take two cars. And I reached for my phone because I wanted to make sure she was okay and –"

Patricia reached for her son and pulled his face against her shoulder. "Stop, Todd, you can't do this. Don't do this to yourself."

His body shook. "I had to slam on my brakes, and – and –" He tried to finish but choked on his sobs.

"Son," she held him tightly. "You are torturing yourself."

Todd raised his head, his face wet with tears and mucus. "How many people died, Mom?"

She shook her head. "Please, don't do thi-"

"How many fucking people died?"

Patricia lowered her eyes. "Eight casualties, at least nineteen injured."

Todd pulled away and straightened in his chair. His face was stiff. "Nine."

She reached for his arm, but he slapped her hand away. He stood up, his face cold, and stood with his back to her. "Nine casualties, Mom. You know why? Because I fucking killed my kid."

"Todd."

"Could kill myself and make it an even number."

Patricia lunged from her chair, forced him around, and cracked her hand across his face. "Don't ever talk like that again." Her face was firm, but her eyes glistened with tears. "I mean it."

"Mr. Caravan?"

Both turned to face a tall, dark haired surgeon in his mid-forties. His eyes went from Patricia and then to Todd, noticing the red mark on his cheek.

"What?" Todd snapped. His face went from rage to terror, and his body turned cold. "Not my wife –"

"Mr. Caravan, there was a mistake. Your daughter is still alive."

Patricia gasped and put a hand over her mouth. Todd shook his head. "That's not possible." He rushed forward, grabbed the physician by his shirt and slammed him against the wall. "I saw my daughter's body, she wasn't breathing!"

The man remained calm. "I know, sir. She wasn't. When we returned to the room, she was very much alive. Please let me go, and I will take you to see her."

Todd's eyes were wide, and his hands shook. He released the man and stumbled backwards. "If you are lying to me, I swear to God –"

Patricia stepped in. "Take us. Todd, come on."

The room was small and dim. The neonatal physician led Todd and his mother to the isolette in the corner of the room. Todd approached quickly, as if determined to prove the physician wrong about the news he had just told him.

There Esther was, on her back, legs curled up and hands curled in fists. Tubes and pads. All over her small body. This was not how Todd had wanted to see his daughter on her first day, but there she lay taking in breaths quickly.

"Tell me everything that happened," Todd whispered slowly, with an edge of threat in his voice.

The physician took in a wavering breath. "We did everything we could to save her. Her heart rate dropped below 60 beats per minute, so we tried to resuscitate her. Didn't work. Her heart rate kept dropping until..." he paused, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "Every machine, every nurse and doctor in that room, including myself, saw her die on that table."

"So how is this possible?"

He shook his head. "We called her time of death, told you she was gone. You saw her yourself, Mr. Caravan, she wasn't breathing."

"I know what I saw, I am asking what explanation you have."

The man turned his eyes to Todd. "Sir, all I know is I returned to that room and this child was breathing like nothing had ever happened."

Somewhat dazed, Patricia touched Todd's arm. "I'm going to check on Mary, okay?"

After she left, Todd turned to face the physician, shaking. "If something happens to my child, if anything happens to her, or – I find out someone switched some person's kid and replaced mine, this hospital – and you- will have hell to pay."

The physician looked calmly at the infant. "I understand, Mr. Caravan. But in all reality, with everything that happened tonight, this girl should be dead... so somehow I don't think harm will come to this kid anymore." He turned and headed towards the hallway. "Have a better evening, Mr. Caravan."

So there Todd stood, staring at his sleeping daughter, suddenly unsure of his life's purpose.