MARIEL

4~ Comfort ~

Thursday, January 23rd, 2020

'Dear beautiful, heartbreaking world, I am fine. I am alright. However, my personal world has been chaotic in the last few days. That is to be expected, I suppose, after losing one's tongue. It is a strange thing to be unable to speak. It is a strange feeling to require feeding tubes in order to (and I suppose 'EAT' would not be the correct word to use at this point) gain nutrition. To be honest, I haven't had much of an appetite. Due to the pain medication, I am in and out of consciousness. I have not thought about food. I have not thought of anything but sleep, the pain in my mouth, my poor cat and, of course, my son. I am in severe pain. Emotionally. Physically. However, I am also grateful. In the last couple days, God has proven to me that I do have wonderful friends. That being said. I suppose you are anxious to know the details regarding the night of Monday, January 20th: the night my son, Mariel, sliced the tongue from my mouth.

I don't remember much... but I am certain that I saw the Kingdom of Heaven. If I did, I have been greatly blessed.

I remember tremendous pain. Then, numbness. Choking. Blurred eyesight as I watched my son flee with the one who calls himself Fr. Paul. I saw Nathan crawling to me, and I remember wondering why he was crawling. Had he been hurt? It mattered, but there was not much that I could do to help him. I was quickly losing blood. Moments of time passed with frightening haste. I saw Nathan. Then there were more people over me. I presume EMT and police. I am not sure. I suppose the pain was too much to handle, because I passed out. And that, readers, is when I experienced the Kingdom of Heaven.

It was a brief flash of time. I cannot hope to bring justice to what I experienced through mere words, but I will try.

I saw white mist, and I felt instant peace. I saw a great, golden gate that reached high into the cloudy depths of the sky, much farther than any human eye could see. I saw a magnificent throne of gold, unadorned, with three spikes. Floating above the throne, I recognized the Cherubim with their six wings. I recognized the faces of the lion, ox, man, and eagle. I felt an overwhelming sense of excitement, warmth, and peace. Comfort.

"Welcome home, Jerome," the Cherubim chorused. "The gate has been unlocked for you. Are you ready to step within?"

Something made me hesitate. It was not due to fear, nor a lack of excitement. Rather, it felt as though the question had been meant to test me... as if they knew as well as I did that I was not ready to walk past the Gates of Heaven.

"Am I?" I questioned, and I trembled.

The Cherubim gazed upon me, and I knew I was not.

"Have I died? Will I awaken in a year on Earth?"

"You are alive," they responded.

"Then why am I here?" I asked.

The Cherubim looked upon me and spoke in soft, beautiful harmony. "Do you not need comfort?"

"I do... yes."

"Do you not need peace? Encouragement?"

"I-I do," I stammered.

"Then step towards the gate," the Cherubim instructed me.

Their command drew my gaze to the golden gate. Its doors began to open outward. The thick, massive latches separated from each other, pulling apart with a groan, and my feet shuffled forward. As the doors parted, I saw more mist within the widening crack. As I moved forward, a white light began to form past the opening doors. Steadily, it brightened, glowing across the heavens, casting its warmth upon my face and forcing me to squint. Goosebumps rose to my skin, and suddenly I was certain that I could not breathe. It did not matter, however, because it felt as though someone else were breathing FOR me.