MARIEL

11~ So Be It ~

Slowly, the White Coats added privileges. First, they freed his arms. Then, they allowed him to walk, but they contained him to the room. During that time, Ahdam practiced controlling his emotions, because they said that if he was good, he could see his mother. He missed his mother. He had not seen her since the incident on Saturday, since the day he had made the White Coats fear him. The day of the earthquake. The White Coats told him that he would be put to sleep each time they were concerned his emotions were a threat. However, even while awake, Ahdam felt sedated. He felt as if he were walking in a dream. Only the dream was not good.

It was a nightmare.

The White Coats were intrusive. They wanted to know his thoughts, and they had not told him why. Not only did he practice controlling his emotions, he practiced controlling the process of his thoughts. To simplify them, he would fixate upon the water outside the building.

'This sea is brown. It is deep. This sea is deep. It is brown.'

Once in a while, an intrusive thought would occur.

'I want to kill the White Coats'.

'This sea is brown. It is deep. This sea is deep. It is brown.'

The White Coats kept record, but they were growing frustrated. Ahdam did not know why they needed, or wanted, his thoughts, but what he provided them was not enough for their satisfaction. That made him happy.

Until a very important man visited him that day.

Seated on the couch that faced the glass wall, Ahdam had just finished eating when Adela came to see him. As soon as he saw her, his eyes darted to the brown sea -

'This sea is brown. It is deep.'

- and he focused to control his thoughts. On the screen above him, in Arabic, the words blinked across the screen. In his peripherals, Ahdam saw the woman come to the side of the couch and kneel.

"Ahdam, look at me, please."

'This sea is deep. It is brown.'

"Ahdam. Do you want to see your mother, or no?"

The boy stiffened. His nose flared and, involuntarily, he turned his dark eyes to the woman kneeling before him. Instantly, Adela glanced upwards towards the screen.

'Yes.'

Adela looked at him. Avoiding her eyes, Ahdam looked at the brown sea.

"We need you to cooperate then. Can you tell us how you are feeling today?"

Ahdam did not want to open his mind to her. In reality, he was terrified that, if done, it would unleash the rest of his inner thoughts. He did not necessarily care if the White Coats knew that he wanted to kill them. He was concerned that the last ounce of privacy he had would be used against him, or his country. Just as his father had warned.

He stiffened, and turned wide eyes to the screen. Clenching his fists, Ahdam realized that his thoughts had fled, and Adela had just read his concerns.

She turned dark eyes to him. "I understand this is terrifying for you. But, I promise, the men and women here have good intentions for you. But, you have to be good. You have to behave."

'This sea is brown. It is deep.'

Ahdam saw the woman look past him, nod towards the doorway behind him. Slowly, he turned his head, continued to repeat the standard words in his mind, and then he saw his mother as Diane led her towards the couch.

He stood, realizing it would be the first opportunity he had to embrace his mother. As Dina rushed towards him, tears filled the boy's eyes and he fell into her arms. Pushed his head against her chest and sobbed.