MARIEL

4~ Be ~

Monday, January 20th, 2020

The previous week had been brutal for Esther Caravan. Sorrowfully, she had moved through her daily duties, which also now consisted of serving as Hawk Caravan's personal attendant. In the depths of her mind, dim hope had existed that, for some miraculous reason, Gabe would appear and laugh and say:

"Hey, babe, just kidding. I'm not dead. Don't get mad at me for the prank."

Esther had cried every day. Every night. Throughout the week, her anger and sorrow existed at an intense level, especially leading up to Gabe's funeral. When she was not at dance practice, work, or class, she existed at the gym. Esther hadn't realized that grief could inspire her to push herself to another level. She ran her miles faster, longer. Lifted heavier. Practiced her dance choreography for hours, until she was sweating, panting, aching, crying.

Her mind was a battlefield, a series of emotions and images at war. She could not stop thinking about Gabe's death, Tira Arcelin, moving on from Mariel Nadier... and if she even wanted to do such a thing. Esther couldn't stop thinking about her father and his health, if he would be okay, because if everyone else died, why wouldn't he?

Desperately, Esther wanted to speak with Fr. Jerome, to find comfort with the seemingly perfect man, but she could not look at him without thinking of Mariel.

It was too soon. It still hurt.

'If you want to be happy, be.' Esther tried to follow Tira's words of advice, attempted to find the good in every moment that she breathed. It was not easy. Unfortunately, she found more reasons to be sad than to be happy. Ultimately, that week, Esther decided to remain patient with herself. She'd give herself time to grieve before pressuring herself to become a ray of sunshine.

At least, the numbness had diminished. The green-eyed goddess had forced her to grieve. Esther was grateful, but she hadn't wanted the eccentric officer to disappear. At first, she'd been a little bitter, but she understood why Tira had wanted to create distance. Thinking about it, Esther probably would have done the same thing if an emotional basket case had thrown herself at her in a wild effort to deal with grief. However, grief wasn't the only reason she had enjoyed spending time with Officer Mysterious. Genuinely, Esther enjoyed her company. She loved teasing her, bantering with her, looking at her, and now... touching her.

Esther missed her. She wanted to see her again. She wanted to touch her again.

Mariel had been the only person to fully invade her mind. Unexpectedly, Tira had changed that, and Esther felt confused. Thinking of another person was strange, but exciting. Still, Esther felt some guilt. Many of her thoughts were not innocent, and she couldn't help but think that a small part of her might be cheating on Mariel, despite their break-up.

Despite this, Esther no longer cared. His actions had been wrong. Inappropriate. Angering. However, as the days passed, Esther grew lonelier. Subsequently, her desire to contact one of the two continued to grow.

When Tira messaged her that evening, her heart leapt. Esther hadn't had a clue when, or if, she would hear from the officer again. Seeing Tira's name appear on her phone sent electric chills throughout her body. It'd been the first time Esther had smiled that day.

In the bookstore, Esther had felt her presence. An odd pull... a magnetic force that sent goosebumps to her skin. Her head had snapped up. She experienced a sudden need to scan the store until she could find the magnetic force and... connect.

Once her eyes found Tira's, Esther could not divert her gaze.

As usual, Tira had looked utterly arresting. Gorgeous. Stunning... whatever synonym fit the description of perfection and beauty. In the crowd, the blonde had stood confidently, hands resting in the pockets of her leather jacket, making the most attractive person in the crowd seem absolutely... average. Boring. Unsurprisingly, Tira's presence had exhibited command. Her form had demanded respect. Suddenly, in the moment of their eye contact, Tira Arcelin was everything that Esther wanted and needed. Lately, Tira's kisses, touch, voice, and simple presence were a life source. Necessary oxygen.