I looked up at him, trying not to show how much his touch stirred me up. Finding the will from God knows where, I leaned away from him. "Are we going to keep doing this, whatever this is happening between you and me?" I asked him, rapidly pointing my finger back and forth between me and him, then backed up a couple of steps toward the door. "You act like an idiot, I get mad, you apologize, we fuck, and then the next day this fucking vicious cycle starts all over again?"
He took a few steps toward me as he spoke. "I'm not used to not getting what I want. It frustrates me a great deal. YOU frustrated me, kind of your fault." He chuckled softly. Was he really thinking I was ready for jokes?
"Stop it, Jared!" I reprimanded him. "I've had enough of your shit." His face changed, and he became somber. "So that's how things are with you, huh? When things don't happen your way, you just go around hurting the people around you?"
He had his arms folded across his chest, like a child that was being scolded. He stared at the floor and pouted, biting the inside of his lip nervously. Feeling like I was finally getting through to him, I continued. "First, you're hot, then you're cold. You're kind, than an ass. I can't be the victim of this ridiculous roller coaster that is your mind" I kept my eyes locked on his, and my face frozen. "And I'm not your play thing, you know." I murmured.
"You're not." He said, keeping his voice soft and his head down. He started walking slowly to the bed. I reached for the door knob, threatening to turn it, and when he didn't protest, I got the message and pulled the door open.
I stood by the opened door and watched while he sat on the end of his bed, slouching his shoulders, and clasping his hand together, palm to palm. He looked miserable. Had my words crushed his spirit, or was this just another act? I couldn't tell anymore. "I'm sorry that I hurt you." he said without looking at me.
"I'm not hurt. You don't have all that power over me. I'm just angry." I tried to sound confident, while I took slow steps toward the threshold.
"You told me," he said, standing on his feet, "that I go around hurting people." He took one step toward me for every two words he spoke. "I thought you meant yourself."
I backed up one single step, not realizing how close I was at the open door of his room. My back bumped hard against the door, that slammed against the wall. He was making a habit out of cornering me. His face was a mere inches from mine when I felt him hook his index finger through the waistband of my jeans and pull me back inside the bedroom. With his free hand, he pushed the door closed again.
Our noses were almost touching and I saw his eyes moving rapidly as if he were analyzing every detail on my face. When his eyes finally stopped on mine, he whispered, "you" placing a peck on the tip of my nose, "are" and placed another on my cheek, "so," giving a kiss on the other cheek, "beautiful." With that last word, he lifted my chin with his thumb and index finger, and pressed his thin wet lips against mine. That's when I heard my alarm going off. His five minutes were up.
"Jared you can't do that, you're messing with my head." I tried to speak with his lips against mine.
"I promise you, this won't happen again. I promise to be a good boy." His arms were around me, and his body was leaning forward, making my own arch back with the passion he was putting on our kiss.
I pulled away with my eyes closed and took a deep breath. This couldn't happen. I was giving him what he wanted. I had to put myself first for once! I'm a grown woman. I couldn't give in to his caprices.
"The problem is, Jared, I don't trust you."
His hand slid down to my leg, slowly lifting it around his waist. "You've gotta trust someone, Jen." His mouth continued its assault down my jawbone, along my neck. I was losing this battle. My brain was battling my body and my body was winning. I gathered up enough courage to stand up for myself.
Shoving him back, hard, I took a deep breath and balanced myself. Holy shit! The look on his face was priceless. "Jared, I won't allow myself to be treated this way. I've been down this dead end road once before and I refuse to make that fucking mistake again." Turning away so that he didn't see my tears, I continued. "My ex was a liar and a cheating bastard. He treated me like complete shit and I will not be a victim of that abuse again. I'm sorry, I like you, I really, really like you, but.. you've already shown similarities to him and I can't be hurt like that again." The tears were really falling now and I could hardly speak. "I won't. I'm not saying that I don't want you, Jared, but you can let me know if and when you're ready to act like an adult. Until then, stay the hell away from me." I opened the door and walked out, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
