tell me how to be

END OF PART 1

so,

this is it 

and i'm not better

in fact, im far from it

and i know i'll probably succumb to my old ways soon

but it just feels like it's time to move forwards

and fuck it, 

i'll romanticise this moment of me,

lying on my bed

illuminated by my laptop screen and

the soft light of a lamp i've had for years

and i leave 21 pilots for

roselyn by bon iver to be played,

and i pick up my hardy novel

lying on the crushed velvet bedspread 

and i begin what might just be 

not the healing, 

but the pre-healing,

knowing that my fragile heart is only temporarily held in place

and that, one day,

i mayn't want to deal with this life any longer

but in this moment,

that better days are to come

and indeed, 

i will heal