Red Ribbons//Langst

|1|

I woke that morning. The same bad feeling sat in my stomach making me not want to touch food.

My heart and mind were not in the training exercise. I just couldn't find the motivation today.

We all finished our team exercise and Shiro gave feed back to us.

"Lance you need to do better okay, you didn't cover Pidge and in a real battle that's can cost another paladins life, just try to be more like Keith" Shiro Scolded. I wish I was more numb to those words. "Lance if I'm talking to you please LISTEN" yelled Shiro again. I didn't think I could look into his eyes without letting my emotion take control of me.

I jumped as a pressure rested on my shoulder. "Shiro lay of him" Keith defended me. I felt a strong pant of Sanctuary washing over me as Keith looked at me. Shiro and the other paladins just shrugged and turned their backs.

The tightness in my chest was so build up if I let out a sound it might all fall on me.

"Lance are you okay" Keith stood in Front me, his hand still on my shoulder. I just shrugged and turned my back before he could see me cry.

My emotions have been so pent up lately, it was like someone has been drilling a hole into my heart. I couldn't see the point of anything.

I undressed in my room. I dried tears on my cheeks and looked into the mirror. You could see my ribs and black rings In-circled my blue eyes, red staining them.

'Worthless scum, Shiro is right'

A voice hissed into my mind, "no no I-I am worth something" I tried to convince that voice.

'You can't lie to me, I'm you and I know you're worth nothing'

I had to block out the voice, now. I grabbed headphones and some music. I pulled myself in and sat on my bed.

I listened to heathers, yes yes I'm a musical freak but stories through song spoke to me.
The words of one song, Lifeboat really Described how I felt. (Up the top^)

I float in a boat
In a raging black ocean
Low in the water
With no where to go
The tiniest lifeboat
With people I know

Cold, clammy, and crowded
The people smell desperate
We'll sink any minute
So someone must go
The tiniest lifeboat
With the people I know

Everyone's pushing
Everyone's fighting
Storms are approaching
There's nowhere to hide
If I say the wrong thing
Or I wear the wrong outfit
They'll throw me right over the side

I'm hugging my knees
And the captain is pointing
Well who made her captain?
Still, the weakest must go
The tiniest lifeboat
Full of people I know
The tiniest lifeboat
Full of people I know

Bang bang bang

Three knocks smashed on the door. I didn't want to move, why should I move it's not like they want me there.

"Lance, Lance It's dinner" the only thing that made me want to get up was Keith's voice. I pulled on my jacket and saw my reflection. Perfect I needed to be perfect so no one could see.

Keith wasn't outside waiting for me but why would he want to walk with me. The feeling of emptiness was back again like a sickness.

The dining room was full of happy talk. Pidge and hunk had gotten closer so they talked about there smart people things. Shiro and Keith chatted about several knew ships. Allura and Coran were in deep conversation about their planet. No one wanted to talk to me so I sat away from the others.

I turned up my nose at the space goo. The hallow feeling didn't give me and Appetite.

'Imagine how much more imperfect you will be if you're fatter'