Red Ribbons//Langst

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I danced in the field of lavender with my handsome red boy. I never wanted to wake but alas what I wanted wasn't important.

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Shiro was at my door. His face was uncertain but cheerfully forced.

"Soo Lance, how are you?" He asked, something about him seemed so fake. I surveyed my scratched arms and though of words. I shrugged. Good job me, pat on the back.

"Well we are doing something today so just come". Why with that strange air, it was like he had something planned and thinks if he till me straight up I will just..... I don't know. But why would he want me.

'Why should you go,you're weak and worthless you're not needed'

The voice whispered to me as I pulled on a shirt and jacket, best cover my arms, they don't want to see that. I hardly wanted to leave my room anymore, what is even the point. But that single part of me that was stupid wanted to see them. So I went.
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The others were all seated Around the table, strangely it was like they were waiting for me. Like they cared.

"So Lance" Shiro started, "we all have decided we need a break and since we are passing over and ocean planet, we should go to the beach."

I felt a jolt of excitement, the feeling of water was fantastic but my high faded and that darkness damped my mood again.

"Uhh yeah sounds like fun but you guys should go on without me." It would be better this way they can be happier without me. I didn't want to talk or see their reactions so I stood up and walked out.

I went to the bathroom and changed my bandages, my hand still pounded like drum but yet again a pain killed numbed me.  Why can't there be a painkiller for life.

I stumbled into my room and the only thing I could focus on was my rose coloured boy from the dreams. I tipped some pills, three, in my hand and dry swallowed. They larger dose made me pass out faster. The pain of life faded as I slept.
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I sat up in field of lavender. The hazy dream state numbed me better than any pain killer. In the dream I didn't have any wounds either.

My red boy was far away in the field. He plucked some purple flowers and turned to me. He waved like I was a treasure and the only thing he care about. I pranced with no care up to Him through the purple grasses.

"Hey Lance" the way he said my name made me never want to wake. He softly placed the lavender in my hand and closed it. "For you loverboy" he smiled, taking my hand gently and holding it, his pinkie wrapped around mine.

He lead me through the wave of purple. His red complementing the blue of the sky, his dark eyes and hair, his gentle voice, Ahh I loved my red boy.

We ran up to a pond, so reflective it could have been a mirror cloning the sky.

We fell back into the grass, my rosey boy unlaced his pinkie from mine and took of his shoes, I followed his lead. He jumped into into the knee deep pond, the rim of lavender around it.

He waded to the middle and turned to me, his hand outstretched wanting me to join him. I threw my shoes off and placed my feed into the water. I stepped in but once my feet his the ground they stuck, I couldn't walk or move to him.

His face was horror shook as the water turned black around me, it was like ink that'sswallowed up my body leaving cuts and bruises, I couldn't breath through the ink. My rose boy fell back away from the ink and sank. The black sorrow was drowning me. bangs shook my chest as I longed for breath. I gasped and reached for his hand but it wasn't there.

Then I woke up.

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Hunk smashed down my door, he looked joyful at his waking me. I hid under the covers, he couldn't see me like this.

"Lance Shiro wants you to know you don't have a choice okay, the castle has landed on the planet and we will all be waiting outside, bring your togs, we are swimming." With those words he bounded out of my room, leaving silence.

I stood and looked in the mirror expecting black ink to be drowning me but nothing. The cuts still covered my arms but I was normal. I looked at my face, tears were streaming down my face but other then that's normal. I am normal on the outside my in insides still feel like black ink was staining them.

Then I broke down. I killed my rose coloured boy, I was horrible and drowned him in my darkness. I am a failure and not worth him, what's wrong with me, why and I even alive, does anyone even care and would they care if I died.

The though fell out into words. I had no choice, I just wanted to die.

I don't know what made me do it but I was going to the beach with others. I would kill my self after spending time with them, so their last memory of me would be happy. I would act happy for them.

I pulled off my bandages and used make up to cover the cuts. I pulled on my swimming trunk and surveyed my reflection.  I pulled on my blue shirt and steeled my emotions.

I looked normal, good enough for them, but my eyes are strange. Not black like ink but their ocean blue was darker than normal.

I looked normal but I still felt like something was eating me from the inside. This was going to be difficult.