Red Ribbons//Langst

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I know I dreamed but what it was about nothing came to mind, Apart from a beautiful boy ,well I know he was beautiful but what his face looked like, I didn't know. I sound crazy.

The pills and razor sat and my bed side. Dried redness was stained on the metal and the cap wasn't on the bottle of pills. In the mirror I looked ghastly. Bandages sprinkled my upper arms.

I still felt like something was wrong, bad things are about happen. My insides were empty but also sad, every part of me was numb yet I still felt like my heart was burning. Burning for something I have never known but was the part that was missing. Every part of me was So jumbled.

I wanted it all to stop. I breath quickened as I felt a panic attack arising. I grabbed my blade and got ready to cut but I was smarter then that. I sat on my bed and pulled up my pyjama shorts.

My tanned, bare flesh was perfect for some hidden cuts. I lowered the blade and welcomed to stinging and cold dig of metal.

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I decided to do some training. The black suit covered the cuts well.

Pidge and hunk were having a spar and Keith was murdering a dummy. I didn't want to talk with them. I grabbed a training blade and focused on the dummy.

I slashed the dummy like I wanted to slash myself. That's pain the I deserved, everyone knows and if I don't remind myself then I will fly to high and get to full of myself again. The dummy was destroyed in a few seconds. I diced that's dummy.

Keith shocked eyes gazed over at me. I didn't want to look at him so I went to see blue. He would just probably insult me, I need that more. Besides the others will be happier without me there.

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Blue I was ideally spread out on the launch bay floor. She smiled down at me,

'At least someone wanted to see your unholy face'

I walked up to her and took of my helmet. She knew something was wrong. I placed my back to her and slid down her chest. She hummed like a concerned mother. I really miss my mother and my family. They are better of without me though.

Blue spoke into my mind. What's wrong my paladin. She doesn't always do it but it still freaked me out. "I-I I'm fine blue" I replied numbly. The hum in her chest changed tone. She didn't believe me one bit. "Blue please don't push me". I nervously tried to scratch my arms. My suit covers them so I dug my fingernails into the back of neck, it stung but that was what I needed.

I lay close to blue and she purred. It felt nice to be around something that didn't hate or pity me. Soon the mice came and curled up on chest. How come the animals could tell something was wrong but my own team didn't.

I didn't notice how much I was cutting open my neck. Soon my fingernails were caked in blood.

My stomach groaned for food sharply but my mind wasn't hungry one bit. Rage burned the edges of my book lungs. Like it bubbling under the surface.

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After a long while of relaxing I got to my feet. The mice and blue were all asleep.

I lifted a finger to my neck and saw how much red are own them. I needed to patch then up. The only place with good medical equipment was the sick bay so my ghostly feet carried me there.