I'm Not Her

Chapter 18

It's now a week after their date at the amusement park, the last day of their summer break and they are now entering their last year in high school. It's also been more than a year since Sorim died. A lot of things has changed since then, especially in Sungjae, who is currently on the way to visit his girlfriend, Park Sooyoung.

Their houses are only a few blocks away from each other and it took no time for Sungjae to get there but what he saw when he were only a few steps away, nearly takes the air out of his lungs. Lee Hyunwoo, his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend, and Lee Eungyeol, his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend are outside of Sooyoung's house arguing with his girl who stay inside the safety of their porch.

"YOU BITCH! LET US INSIDE!" Eungyeol shouts by their gate.

"And why would I do that?" Sooyoung crosses her arms.

Sungjae doesn't wait for their response and runs. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Sungjae..." Sooyoung's eyes widen.

Sungjae grabs the boy's collar. "Didn't I warn you to not come back here anymore?"

Eungyeol smirks. "And in what universe do you think I would ever listen to you?"

"Let go of my brother." Hyunwoo suddenly says, putting a hand over Sungjae's.

Sungjae suddenly freezes. "You're brother?!"

That's why Eungyeol looked familiar when he saw him for the first time. He's a carbon copy of his older brother, Hyunwoo. Fate has got to be kidding him.

"Yes!" Eungyeol suddenly smirks. "Hyunwoo is my big brother. The guy that you ex-girlfriend picked... who happens to look like..." he looks at the girl looking curiously at them.

"Shut up!" Sungjae pushes him off. "You have no right to talk to her. After what you did to her."

Hyunwoo suddenly holds his brother's shoulders. "Let's just go Eungyeol. You've caused a lot of trouble as it is."

"I don't want to get yet hyung." Eungyeol removes his hands off of him. "You got yourself a pretty girl. You got everything you wanted ever since we're kids. I want to have mine too. Maybe I'll drive her to kill herself so we can be the same."

Sungjae didn't have time to stop himself and punches the boy in the face. "YOU'RE A FUCKING MONSTER! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!"

Sooyoung finally opens the gate. "Sungjae! Stop!" she runs to him to prevent him from getting into trouble.

"I'm the disgusting one? When you got yourself a girlfriend that looks exactly like Sorim?" Eungyeol chuckles.

Hyunwoo helps him up. "That's enough Eungyeol. I have spoiled you with your disgusting shenanigans for far too long."

"C'mon hyung!" Eungyeol shouts. "Do you think its pure coincidence that she looks like your ex-girlfriend?"

"I said that's enough!" Hyunwoo shouts back. "We're going. Now." He faces the couple. "I'm sorry for all the ruckus that my brother caused from back then and until now..." he faces Sungjae. "I'm also sorry for... everything else."

Sooyoung lets Sungjae in when the two leave. Neither of them spoke, so many unanswered questions are in the girl's head and excuses on the boy's mind. But should Sungjae continue to lie to the girl that he truly loves just because he's afraid of what she might think? They sit on the couch. Sooyoung sighs and decides to break the silence.

"Do you want to tell me something?" Sooyoung whispers.

Sungjae fiddles with his fingers. "I don't know where to begin. I'm scared."

Sooyoung sits right beside the boy and takes one of his hands, feeling it shake in fear. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here."

"That's just it. I'm scared that you might leave me once I tell you."

A lot of things run through Sooyoung's head. "Well, why don't you start by telling me how do you know Eungyeol's brother?"

"We had a common... friend?" Sungjae pauses.

"Friend?"

Sungjae nods. "We met through her."

"Her... is this Sorim? His ex-girlfriend?" Sooyoung asks. He nods again. "Why is it a big deal that I look like her?"

Sungjae's face scrunches up in a pained expression. "I can't Sooyoung-ah. I know for sure that you might leave me before I can even explain myself if I tell you the truth."

"Hey." Sooyoung tightens her hold on his hand. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want to know the truth. Who is Sorim? Why is she so important to everyone?"

Sungjae takes a deep breath. "Sorim was a classmate of ours. She was timid and shy. She didn't want to be the center of attention. But a year ago, because of an accident, she died right before the term started."

"A year ago? That was around the time that your ex-girlfriend died right?" Sooyoung earns a nod from him.

Slowly but surely, Sooyoung begins to piece everything together and understood why everyone acted the way they did when they saw her for the first time.

"Sorim was your ex-girlfriend, wasn't she?" Sooyoung grits her teeth. There's nothing but silence from the boy. "Answer me. Was she the girlfriend you told me about?"

Sungjae finally nods. "Yes."

"And I look like her?" another nod. Sooyoung stays quiet speechless of what she found out. How can she react when she finds out that her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend looks exactly like her?"

Sungjae grabs the other free hand of the girl with pleading eyes. "Please believe me when I say that I'm not with you now because you look like her." He sees tears pool in her eyes. "Do you remember when we first met? How I hated you? It's because you look like her. I was in a dark place and seeing you reminded me of that loss. You look exactly like the girl who cheated on me with another man." Sooyoung gasps in shock. "Yes, she was with Hyunwoo during the time that we were together. That's how I knew him and even though I knew about it I continued to be with her because I thought she loved me and I thought I loved her." He pauses. "But I was wrong. She never did love me and even if I did love her then, I don't love her now. Because I'm sure that it's you who I love."

"I don't know what to do." Sooyoung's voice shakes along with the tears falling down her face. "How can I believe any words that you're saying?"
Sungjae suddenly kisses on her lips. "Because I know who you are inside. You may look like her but I know for a fact that you're different. And I would pick you over her anytime. Because it's you who I love and you're the one who showed me that I can be loved too."

"Sungjae..." Sooyoung tries to speak up.

"Please don't leave me." Sungjae begs. "This is why I don't want to say anything. I know it was wrong and unfair of us to hide this from you. But I don't want to lose you. You... you're very important to me. And I don't want to make the same mistake of letting go of the person who means so much to me." He holds her hands tight.

Sooyoung frees herself from the boy's hold. "You won't lose me. I still love you. It's a part of you that I can't change. But... I need time to think..."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I need space. I'm not breaking up with you I just need time to clear my mind and to do that I need to be alone." Sooyoung stands up. "You know you're way out. Goodbye Sungjae."

Sooyoung runs to her room and locks the door. She sits on the edge of her bed and hears the door open and close. She peeks by the window while remaining hidden and sees Sungjae turn his head and looks at the window too with a pained expression she almost wants to her words back and run to him. But she knows that she can't. She can't continue to be with him if she can't trust him and doubt him now that she knows everything. When she closes her eyes, her tears finally fall and her hands start to scratch her skin again.

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End of Chapter 18

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