Elements: Four Me (Book 4)

Insight (Chapter 8)

"The first step to loving being yourself is to face yourself but in order to do that you need to know yourself. You know you love sports no matter what, then start with that." Jamil's words from last night stick into Amy's head.

He's right, Amy agrees with his thought process. And playing a sport did help. Now just...if I could just tell everyone what's really up with me then it would make things a lot easier...

Amy shakes her head, putting the bag on her shoulder as she goes into the small shed Ku has. She dumps the bag in there then goes into the house.

"Lemonade?" Ku questions, holding out a glass to her.

"Sounds awesome," Amy takes the glass and starts to drink from it. I should tell Sensei what I feel right now. He can help me...but, he's already pressured by a lot of things and Brenton needs him more than I do.

I'll hold back, Amy decides mentally and gives Ku a big smile.

"Is something wrong?" Ku asks and Amy forgot that he could practically read minds.

"No, everything's well," Amy shakes her head. "I just...I'm worried about the vampire that killed Brenton's parents. What goal do they have? How did they get here? Also, we're due in the Magic World, I can tell the teens need it."

"Agreed," Ku nods his head. "We will go when Brenton is feeling up to it. Although, I think that going there might help him."

"It could," Amy shrugs. "Anyway, I'm going to stay in the Magic World longer this time. I'm having a harder time controlling it."

"You should not control it Amy," Ku frowns. "It is a part of you, and you should embrace it. You denying it is what causes you to feel so...not you."

"I know you're right," Amy sighs. "But I hate it Sensei. I didn't even have a choice, it just happened and I freaking hate it."

"I understand," Ku glances down at his staff. "But please, how can you accept anyone else if you can not accept yourself?"

That hit Amy.

"So you're saying I didn't accept Aster?" Amy questions. "That I didn't accept Olivia for that one day?"

"You did accept them, it is just that...in a way, you were unfair by not embracing all sides of yourself," Ku takes a deep breath.

"How can I embrace something that strikes fear? I'm literally all the bad in one body!" Amy sighs. "I hate this..! I was perfectly fine until I started to lose control again..."

"Amy," Ku starts.

"I hate myself Sensei," Amy clenches her hands. Ku quickly brings Amy into a tight embrace.

"I know that it is hard to be who you are," Ku's tone is gentle. "But you are the best and the most wonderful you. You are the woman who could put up a fight with Wysteria and fought against Nyx. You are the one who is the reason that so many are still alive. You rescued me from falling into that dark hole...you saved so many mages Amy. You make mages happy. You offered a home to Rohan when he had none, you extended your love to the Hlynkas even though they are not your blood siblings. And you do not even have to do all of that to be wonderful, because we all love you regardless."

Amy smiles softly, it helped hearing she mattered. She made a difference.

"You showed me that there is good in everyone," Ku gently strokes Amy's hair. "You are the reason why everyone in our household can say that they love despite what happened to them."

"That doesn't change the fact of what I am," Amy wipes away her tears and breaks the hug. "I'm sorry, you need to focus on Brenton."

"I can still focus on you Amy," Ku bonks foreheads with Amy, a thing for anyone who's been around him long enough. "You are my daughter and I will always make time for you when you need me. I will always be there for you like any dad should. So please do not think you can not come to me with anything."