Frozen Love

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A few years later

I've been on my own for a few years now, I live in abandoned houses and places where people won't find or see me, I steal any supplies I need so I don't require money, I have a few bags filled with clothes now, rather than one, and whenever my clothes are dirty I go to the laundry mat and steal someone's machine or I steal some coins from people and do my laundry. I've been doing ok for being by myself, I don't look homeless and I never get caught when I need to steal things so I'd say that was a plus in my books, I'm staying at an abandoned house right now, it's just outside of town so I can walk to town if I ever need anything, it is a creepy old looking house that many believe is haunted so I don't have to worry about anyone bothering me. I still have nightmares about that day, whenever I think about it I end up cutting again, my arm is covered in scars and so are my legs on the thighs, I don't feel the need to stop, and there is nobody stopping me so I don't have to, I feel like I'm almost missing something when I don't have cuts on my arms. So usually after they all heal I'll feel incomplete without them and then I will be reminded of why I do it in the first place so I end up cutting again, I don't want anyone else to cut, it's just that it's my only escape and I feel like I need it, without it I'm reminded of my horrible life and I just want to end it all, this is saving me by harming me. I don't know if that makes any sense or not, but basically when I do cut myself I see the blood dripping out of me and I feel like just by seeing the blood and feeling that bit of pain, I know I am alive, I know it may seem stupid but it truly does make sense to me, and it's not like anyone cares about me anyways so if I do end it all one day or just cut a little too deep, it's not like anyone will miss me.

I went into the kitchen of the abandoned home I was staying in, I noticed there wasn't any food left, "damn" I muttered to myself I raided the cupboards but still no food, I then noticed a box of pop tarts at the back of the shelf "score!" I said excitedly as I grabbed the box. I went  to open the box so I could have some pop tarts but when I opened the box I realized it was empty "wow, that's some bullshit, stupid box playing tricks on me" I threw the box to the side on the floor, I sat down at the kitchen table and put my face in my hands, I rubbed my face in disappointment and rested my hands on my checks with my elbows on the table, I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. I was hungry now and I knew I had to get some food, I changed into something else other than my pjs, got my shoes on and headed out the door.

When I went into town I did my usual routine, I pulled my hood up on my sweater so my face was hidden and started walking towards the grocery store, when I entered the store I grabbed a few boxes of pop tarts because who doesn't love pop tarts? I then grabbed a few apples and some other easy foods that didn't require much cooking, I then finished off my "shopping" by grabbing some water, I went to a secluded corner and put all my stuff in my bag, I hid it like usual and started heading for the door. When I got out of the grocery store I decided to walk around town for a while instead of heading straight home, I was window shopping at all the little boutiques and stores in town, this was actually a pretty cute town it's a shame I never got to experience it when I was younger. As I was walking along I opened my bag and pulled out some pop tarts because I was getting hungry, I was about to continue walking when I stopped dead in my tracks, I thought I saw someone who looked very familiar, I pushed away the thought and continued walking.

As I got closer to the person I got a sick feeling in my stomach "were these a bad batch of pop tarts?" I thought I shook my head in disbelief, no, pop tarts can never be bad they are like the only happiness I have in my life, the sick feeling in my stomach grew stronger and stronger, I turned my head and saw the same person as I did earlier, I felt like I was going to throw up, and it wasn't because of the pop tarts, I realized my suspicions were right, less then 10 ft away from me stood my brother. I hadn't seen him since that day at the store when he left before he got in on the action, I looked away holding my head because it was pounding from all the stress, when I looked back I saw my brother again, this time he was talking to another man, tall, really buff, strong, blonde, they were talking to each other when they looked my way I quickly turned my head and walked a bit further up the street, they started walking after me so I ducked in the closest store I could find, after I closed the door and watched them walk by I knew I was in the clear, for now at least.

After I calmed down a bit I noticed the store I slipped into was actually a cute little old antique store, it had little trinkets and collectibles, it also had some antique furniture, I started getting hot so I took off my sweater and stuffed it in my bag, I looked at this one chair, it had a comfortable cushion and some nice engravings, when I was sitting in it I noticed something shiny out of the corner of my eye. I walked over to it and it was a tall thing with a white sheet over it, when I pulled the sheet off I saw that it was a floor length mirror,  it had intricate designs and beautiful hand crafted carvings, I traced my finger along the carvings in the wood and admired the beauty of it. I was so intrigued by the mirror that I didn't hear someone walking behind me "beautiful isn't it?" I heard a voice say from behind me, I jumped and turned around, I saw an elderly lady with a kind smile on her face looking at me, "yes, indeed it is" I said back to her as I touch the side of the mirror again, she walked closer to me. "The way the curves fit it perfectly? And the carvings on it are astounding" she said as she finally reached where I was standing "each engraving telling another story" I nodded and looked at her a bit confused "ya, the mirror is beautiful, it's a gorgeous piece of work" I said I looked at the mirror again and then looked away when I saw my reflection, "beautiful mirror it's a shame I have to ruin it with my reflection" I thought to myself, the lady place a hand on my shoulder and I turned to face her "it doesn't understand it's true beauty" I looked confused "what do you mean?" She smiled at me "it doesn't see it's beauty, it sees a piece of dirt, and it doesn't see beautiful carvings that makes it what it is, it just sees plain cuts" I was still kind of confused, she was talking about the mirror as if it was real "darling it's the most precious thing I've seen, why can't it see its beauty?" She said "I-I don't know" she took my face in her hand and got close to my face "please say you see the beauty in it?" She pleaded "I do, the mirror is gorgeous" she smacked the top of my head "ow" I said "not the mirror darling, its reflection" she pushed my head towards the mirror so I was looking at myself.

I finally understood what she was talking about, she was talking about me, and how I don't see my beauty, the reason I don't see it is because I don't have it, the carvings she mentioned were my cuts, but how had she seen them? I hide them from everybody, she then walked to my left side and took my hand in her frail one, she turned it over so the underside of my arm was showing, I could see all the red bumpy lines where my cuts were. I almost felt like tearing up as this lady examined each and every cut I had on my arm, she looked at each one and took in every detail, she also noted my scars from previous cuts and carefully looked at those as well, she carefully ran her fingers over each one and felt the rigid edges, she looked at me and said "you are a canvas of life, and you paint with such harsh colours and sharp brushes, you are a stunning piece of work, but you don't see it" I felt my eyes getting a bit watery. I gently pulled my arm back and walked to the other end of the store, I wrapped my arms tightly around my body so I was hugging myself, the lady came up to me and handed me a green stone that fit in my palm but was kind of big, the stone was smooth on both sides and cold it calmed me down a bit by rubbing it with my fingers.

"This stone will help calm you down when you feel the need to paint again, leave it your pocket and when you're stressed just rub it with your fingers and it will calm you" she said sweetly "thank you" I said as I placed the stone in my pocket "what's your name?" She smiled kindly at me and spoke softly "Edna, now dear I don't mean to rush you off but those 2 men that were following you aren't alone and they're coming back now, if you want to escape them you must hurry" she was gently pushing me to the door and just before I left she pulled me into a hug "don't forget your beauty sweetie" she hugged me again and sent me on my way.