for the love of the game / Destiel College AU

Cas's Anxiety Has Entered The Chat

Amid the chaos that was caused by their relatives being over, Dean and Cas had canceled their date.

It was an easy decision, made easier by the fact that they couldn't leave the Novaks, Michael, and Sam in the room without chaos ensuing. Even with Cas and Dean in the room, Gabriel was shamelessly trying to kiss Sam, Sam was insisting that he wasn't gay, Michael and Lucifer were making out, and Anna and Raphael were kind of just mutually chilling in the corner, listening to Taylor Swift.

Herding the crowd out of their dorm room and back to their hotel room, it was decided that Cas and Dean would go to a coffee shop, as an unofficial date. Neither of them wanted to admit their feelings for the other one, even though they acted like an old married couple (as Gabriel observed, during one of the rare instances when he wasn't making googly eyes at Sam). Dean was still in slight denial due to the fact that he had no idea what his sexuality was, and Cas was just Cas, as hot and unruffled as ever. No homo, Dean's brain muttered. Shut up, Dean told his brain.

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Cas was sitting across from Dean at a cozy coffee shop called Crowley's. A British guy with the name tag 'Fergus' had served them, and winked at Dean, stirring up a wisp of jealousy in Cas's mind, even though he knew it was irrational. Dean was currently sipping his coffee, which he took with a shit-ton of creamer, and eating a slice of pie. Cas knew Dean loved pie. It was kind of hard to miss; if you're roommates with someone, you're going to notice if they eat pie at all times of day.

Cas smiled as he smelled his apple cider. "If you just sit there smelling your cider and not drinking it, then it's pointless," joked Dean, smiling.

"Is that so," Cas answered, smirking, his voice gravelly.

"It is so," Dean sassed, and Cas laughed at how dorky Dean was. Despite only knowing Dean for over a month, he felt like it was meant to be. He was happy with Dean, until he saw someone glaring at them in the corner of the coffee shop.

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Dean saw Cas's face turn pale and turned to look at whatever he was staring at. He observed a guy in the back of the room with a glower and turned back to Cas.

"Don't let it get to you, Cas. He's just jealous that no guys like him," Dean reached over and held Cas's hand.

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Hello, Castiel. It's me, your best friend. Miss me much?

Cas stiffened as the ten words in the voice he hadn't heard in a year echoed in his head. Before coming to college, he'd suffered from extreme anxiety, and it took the form of a voice- this voice- telling him he wasn't good enough.

You've got a nice setup going here. Dean Winchester, the ladies' man, is wrapped around your pinky finger. But does he like you? Does he really?

Cas's eyes open wide, he hissed, "Yes! He does!" mindlessly, forgetting Dean was sitting across from him. "Cas, are you okay?" Dean asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

Well, hold on to that certainty. Be sure to remember that when I'm telling you how worthless, how ugly, how undeserving you are. And remember that when you're staring at yourself in the mirror, wanting to destroy yourself from the inside out. Because you don't deserve him. You don't deserve anything. You're Castiel Novak, the angel without wings.