for the love of the game / Destiel College AU

In Which Dean Ignores His Feelings

Dean was trying to figure out why their date went horribly wrong the instant Cas stormed out of the coffee shop, looking absolutely petrified. He didn't know what he did wrong, and it was beginning to scare him. He did, however, know that Castiel couldn't hide forever, and he knew he couldn't avoid coming back to their dorm room.

So, when Cas stumbled into their room where Dean was anxiously sitting and fidgeting, Dean was relieved. Seeing Cas looking broken down and furious was a far cry from the confident boy who made Dean nervous on the first day of college, and Dean didn't like it. "Cas, what happened? You know you can always talk to me about anything," he asked softly as he moved over to Cas, who was huddled by the door.

Cas sighed, not like he didn't want Dean near him, but more like he was gathering up his courage. "Dean, do you know why I always change in a stall? Why I wear long-sleeved shirts during basketball practices? Why I was so hesitant to trust you? Why I never look in mirrors?"

Dean sensed he was battling with his own inner demons, and Dean could understand that. He sat next to Cas and listened patiently.

The boy with the electric-blue eyes turned to look at him. His eyes were red from crying and his hair was sticking up at all angles, but Dean couldn't help marveling at how beautiful he was, even so broken.

Cas blinked once, fighting back tears, and slowly rolled up his sleeve, revealing ridged scars on his forearm. "I wasn't me in high school, Dean, at least not the 'me' you know now. My father was very religious, and my brothers, sisters, and I lived in constant terror of him. He beat my older brothers regularly, and then me when he was done with them. I resorted to cutting, because I had a psychotic personality in my head with the voice of my father. I developed an extreme hatred of myself and refused to look in mirrors. As you can see, I'm really fucking messed up."

Shocked by this revelation, Dean took Cas's wrist in his hand. "Cas, all I see when I look at you is a boy who's gone through some major shit, yet still manages to hold himself together. I see someone strong, not weak. I see someone who still cares about others and isn't afraid to connect with people. I see Cas, not your father. I've only known you for barely even two months, but I already see you, Cas. I see you for who you really are, not who you think you are. One day, you'll look into the mirror and see what I see."

Dean happily watched Cas's small smile, only there for a second. But, hey, Dean'd take what he could get.

"There's more, Dean. D-Do you remember when you saw the scars on my back?"

Dean tilted his head back. There was only one light on: the one by his bedside. Looking at the window, he could see the streetlights were shining on the dark streets, which were damp with rain that had come earlier in the day. He was almost scared of what Castiel was about to tell him, but he nodded his head with a slight bit of anxiety.

"When I was little, about 6 or 7, I... used to pretend I was an angel, and my brothers and I would all make-believe together. Then our father found out one day, and I'd never seen him so calm, instead of boiling anger. That didn't make me any less afraid. He didn't do anything to my brothers, though. He only wanted me..." Cas was crying now, and Dean wrapped him in a hug.

"Cas, you don't have to tell me this. It's okay if you're not ready to relive it yet," Dean murmured as Cas shook.

"N-No. I want to."

"Okay."

"He- he said I wasn't good enough to be an angel, that I was worthless, and to prove it, he carved the scars into my back with a knife and said that it was to make sure that I'd never get my wings, never fly away from that horrible place. I've had these for years, and my brothers took me away from my father as soon as they got the chance, but it was too late. I was already... not worth saving."

Dean didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He held Cas, which was all Cas needed. Later, when Dean looked at the glowing neon letters on the digital clock and carried Cas to bed, he realized he was feeling more than just a crush on the dark-haired boy. Watching him sleep, he couldn't put a name to what he was feeling. Yet, Dean was too afraid to call it what it was: love. 

okay i might actually stop this story because i feel like everyone hates it and the chapters are too frickin short :) bye (i had a really good idea for the next chapter too n im sad)