40 Days of Grace

♠12-04-18♠

Journal,

I thought there was a CommuniTeen meeting today. Apparently not. Whatever, it's tomorrow, I can get another slip.

I had math and English homework that I got bored of so I moved to you.

I kinda want to kill everyone in my house right now, but I mean when do I not? They are being overly annoying right now. Gabe has however much homework and has to do the dishes so at least he is being quiet. Grant fell off his fucking chair at dinner so now he has a tiny scrape behind his ear that he was screaming about for almost all of dinner. My dad told Sari to put fucking numbing shit, Lydacane, on it so that he would stop. He didn't even let her look at it. Sanderson literally finds happiness in annoying me. I was silent after we got back from the stupid fucking assembly.

I went to this assembly for the local high school because everyone wants to go to a vocational. I mean, yeah sure it has a few good programs and shit but it doesn't look good on your resumé or whatever the fuck you put that. And we also love the fact that, even though I have plans for college that my dad knows about, my dad won't let me go to a vocational because he thinks it's a way out of college. Yeah dad, the only daughter you have that actually wants to do something with her life other than smoke pot, she's legal don't worry, and get by with their kids is going to be the one who goes to a vocational school so that she doesn't have to go to college. If that made any sense to you, then congrats cause I don't even understand.

Another thing that is bothering me is the fact that I am the only one that gets yelled at for having an attitude. Like fuck yeah I'm going to have an attitude if everyone is screaming and crying about having a meltdown because they have to eat fucking ham as I am trying to do my fucking Algebra. Oh yeah, and when my dad is talking to me about being able to do a bunch of shit that no other kids in our house get to do because I do what I am supposed to do and shit, Gabe is crying and pouting about not being able to sit on the chair that he wants to. A nine-year-old pouting and then yelling no to my dad about it. Wanna know what happened to him after that? absolutely nothing. I get talked to about having an attitude when I say "what" and he is acting like he is 2 years-fucking-old AND NOTHING HAPPENED.

I WANT TO LEAVE. I WANT TO KILL THEM. I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS STUPID, UNFINISHED, BROKEN, DYSFUNCTIONAL, ANNOYING, SELF-CENTERED FUCKING HOUSE.

I can't wait to grow up.

Oh yeah, and guess what I decided officially today? That I have a fucking crush on now not only Sterlyng, but now also my fucking science teacher. I am literally so sick of everything right now.

I need to go take one of my scalding showers I think. It helps me feel calm. I put the water to the highest possible setting and take a regular shower. It burns off all of the germs and all of the thoughts and all of the feelings and all of the stress and probably the top layer of skin. It looks like I got a sunburn when I get out but I don't care, it makes me relaxed.

So I think I am going to go do that now.

~Grace