40 Days of Grace

♠01-10-19♠

Journal,

Happy new year! Sorry I haven't written in you for the past three weeks. I kinda forgot about you. Sorry. Let me catch you up to speed.

Duncan finally told Anna that he loved her, even after the spirits have been telling them or whatever. So that happened, Anna keeps telling me they won't date or whatever and I'm fine with that But he is all over this other chick and that really pisses me off. But whatever, I won't do anything if she doesn't want me to. I had a really weird dream that I ended up kissing Sterlyng in and dying a lot. Anyways, I have been really been feeling bad about myself and having to remind myself about what will and won't happen, such as my love life and my future. I have learned to shoot myself down before I get my hopes too high. Also, Duncan was supposed to have another surgery done tomorrow, but they canceled it because he wasn't supposed to eat and he did. Okay, time to rant about something that really pissed me off but is so small.

We, meaning Anna Duncan and I, are supposed to go to the movies tomorrow with Anna's parents right? So Duncan says he can go because his surgery was postponed and shit or whatever, but he says he doesn't want to see the movie that Anna and I were planning on going to see. I was reading and not paying attention to them and come back to see that she let him change the movie because he didn't want to see it.

Like whatever, I don't really care about the movie changing, I care that she literally worships the ground that he walks on. She wanted to see this movie so fucking badly and so did I and then completely disregards the fact that maybe I wouldn't want to go to this movie. They would be all over themselves anyway so it doesn't matter to me.

I just don't get if she thinks his opinion is the only one that matters or if he is this godly creature that descended from heaven. Like she will yell at anyone else for calling something gay, but if he says it she laughs. I don't even fucking care anymore. I want to cry because I thought that she was the one person that would stay with me and care about me and know how I feel and get what I am saying and just be my friend in general. But now she wants to be all with Duncan.

I mean I know that she won't ever leave me behind or replace me or anything. But man it fucking hurts when you know that someone else's feelings are put before your own, especially when the person who put them there is your closest friend.

And great, now I'm crying. I just wanna grow up. Fuck people. I'm not going to the movie tomorrow. They can fuck each other on their own.

~Grace