Be Alright

Chapter 14: All That Matters

"I'm sorry too..For yelling at you." I watched two droplets of water race to the bottom of the window.

"I kind of deserved it." He answered in a quiet voice. I said nothing for a long time.

I had all these thoughts in my mind that I just couldn't form into words. Justin stood up and bent down to kiss my forehead. I flinched a little bit, surprised. "....sorry." He said, and then he turned.

"Wait." I stood up. I wanted this all to end. I hated fighting with anyone, let alone him, and I guess he could tell by the look on my face because he walked up to me and just hugged me tightly. We kind of stood there, not saying anything. Honestly, I was just happy to be in his strong, warm arms again. It'd only been a day, but it felt like a year. I almost cringed at how cheesy the whole thing sounded.

Whenever people explained what being in love was like, it always sounded like a corny ass mess to me. It made me want to vomit...people said you felt like no one else was around when you were with them and all that "butterflies in your stomach" shit...but now, being with Justin, I had no other way to describe it.

"Just please.." I started. "Please don't keep doing it. I mean its your life but.....I love you...People get hooked on to that stuff faster than anything else, and I don't want to sit back and watch while you let yourself...." I really couldn't say anything else. "..Not again." I said as my voice shook.

He stopped hugging me and lifted up my chin with his hand, making me look him in the eyes. "I promise." He said slowly. "I promise that I'll never put you in that position again. I love you so much and I'm sorry. I don't know as much as you..about how it hurts to watch someone you love destroy themselves...But I know a little bit." His eyes burned into mine. "After we yelled at each other yesterday..I tried to see it from your point of view, and the first thing I thought of was how it felt when you told me that you used to...self harm." He'd said it softy and uncomfortably, as if I would break if he'd said it any louder.

"I wondered why." He said. "The first thing I felt was pain. Pain because I love you..and I...I didn't want anyone or anything to ever hurt you..and to find out that the one thing I couldn't protect you from...was yourself?....And so then I reassured you that I was there for you.." He trailed off. "So when we were on the plane, I realized that that's exactly what you'd been feeling like all along."

I stared in awe because Justin had just explained my own thoughts and emotions better than I ever could. He held my waist and rested his forehead on mine, our lips inches away from each other.

"Thank you...For understanding." I said.

"Thank you. For being here. I don't know where I'd be without you." His lips had only just lightly skimmed mine when I turned my face away.

"I'm sorry." I said. "I just...I need some time." I wanted to kiss him, but at the same time, I needed some time to get over this all. He nodded and slowly pulled away. Just then Kate, one of the girls on the crew, hopped onto the bus and told us the show would be starting in an hour. She then sprinted out into the rain, trying to get inside the stadium as fast as possible.

"We better go." Justin said hesitantly looking out the window.

*******************************

I was watching Justin perform from right backstage after my own performance. I waited to see which girl Kate was going to bring up to the stage. Justin didn't stop doing OLLG completely. He still brought a girl up on stage every show, except sometimes he'd sing One Less Lonely Girl, and sometimes he'd sing Hold Tight. So I was surprised when he said

"Guys, I'm gonna do something different today. I thought I'd pick the OLLG." He grinned at the crowd, and they cheered louder. "Except I'm not going to sing One Less Lonely Girl or even Hold Tight. I'm going to sing All That Matters because there's this one less lonely girl out there who's got me stuck like crazy glue..and...she makes me complete." Then he ran backstage towards me.