track and trace // calum hood

22 | Calum

She had fallen asleep.

We had sex and I had taken a quick shower like I always did. When I came back I expected her to be gone like always, back to her own hotel room, but she was curled up in my bed, her hair covering most of her face.

It was against our rules.

Sex and leave. Nothing more. More would make things complicated and we didn't want complicated.

She had managed to put her panties on, but I suspected she just decided to 'close her eyes for one minute' and fell asleep like she used to do all the time when we were still together.

I didn't want to wake her up, I couldn't wake her up. She looked like an angel. I slowly made my way to the bed and lied down on my side, looking at her as I put the blanket over her body, hoping she wouldn't wake up.

She looked so peaceful.

I lifted my hand up, my fingers carefully putting her hair behind her ear and my thumb brushing against her lips. She was so fucking beautiful.

Moments like this I realized that no matter how bad things were, as long as she was there, I knew. I knew I was deeply, truly and internally in love with her.

"Fuck, I'm still so in love with you," I whispered before letting out a small sigh. I know that I was going to regret this decision, not waking her up, in the morning. But I couldn't care less. Just for tonight, she was back in my bed, like old times.

How sad it is that I can't show her the way I really feel about her.

I want to create earthquakes that shake the earth itself to its very core and break all the windows, like, ever. I want to create typhoons that wipe everything away so that we can rebuild. Together. I want to move mountains to shape this landscape the way she wants it. I want to make the sun shine on her always because I know the darkness scares her.

But, all I can do is christen her beautiful. Play with her hair when I was making out with her. Make sure she came whenever we had sex. Do everything I could to make her feel good the one hour a day I could call her mine, even though she wasn't mine anymore.

She wasn't mine anymore. That shit hurt.

I know I told the others that I would stop hurting myself, stop this entire thing we had going on, but I wasn't going to do that. I needed her, even though she didn't need me. 

-----------------------------

hello this is short but i upload five times a day so whatever