Art

Distance

Quick note: I highly recommend that you listen to the song on the side whilst reading this chapter, you'll see why as you read.

*

December 12th 2014, Thursday

Devon

        I bit my tongue, not believing I'd said that to her or even thought that in the first place. But with her looking at the sunrise, smiling, her beautiful hazel eyes shining, I couldn't help but say it. She'd told me my eyes were beautiful, but mine was nothing compared to hers.

        She was always happy, cheerful and smiling and as I discovered, she wasn't always composed. I wanted to know a lot more about her, but I knew if I did that I'd have to open up my heart and make myself fragile. I wasn't capable of doing that.

        Her eyes widened in surprise at what I'd just said and I quickly looked at the sky, not trusting myself to speak before I said words I'd regret. The first time I met her and she had realised I was part of the home, I was expecting her to pity me or something. Instead, she'd played with Ellie, getting all the children to like her immediately, which was rare.

        "I could totally get inspiration from it." I said, trying to hide the obvious fact that I called her beautiful. She smiled at me in her Elaine way and stood up, reaching for my hand. I complied and she dragged me up as we made our way back to the cabin.

        I stayed behind her, trying hard to distance myself from her. I didn't know why I offered to teach her art or why I pretended I needed supplies to follow her out. I didn't know why I always found myself wanting to talk to her, and I didn't want to.

        My life wasn't so great that I had the privilege to get attached to somebody. Trust wasn't something I was good at and the only reason I was so attached to Ellie was because I felt like her big brother.

        As we walked in the cabin and Elaine started shivering and I gave her my jacket to keep her warm even though I was cold too, I realised I was getting to attached. I decided then as she smiled at me and something in my heart fluttered that I was going to distance myself from her as much as I could.

        I just didn't have the privilege to open up my heart for anyone.

        I went to check on Ellie who was already awake, Suzie and Annie taking care of her.

        "Ellie, put your jacket on." I scolded her, going to take her jacket.

        "You're not wearing yours." She replied sticking her tongue out. I sighed and made her wear her jacket.

        "He gave it to me. But here, I'm fine now." She said, taking it off and handing it to me. I took it from her, wearing it and going to where my art supplies were. I noticed that my jacket already smelt like her from the little time she had it on. She always wore lavender perfume which suited her perfectly. I looked over to her, getting our stuff ready for the journey back home.

        I didn't expect her to have such a past, for someone who was bright and bubbly like her. Unlike me, she didn't latch on to pain and I envied her for that. I groaned, packing up my supplies and going back to check on Ellie.

*

        I made sure to get on the bus quickly and sat next to Ellie, not wanting to sit next to Elaine on the ride back. When we were coming, she'd look so perfect staring out the window, just listening to music that I couldn't help but draw her.

        That was the thing about Elaine, every time I tried to draw myself away from her, I found myself doing something stupid like sitting with her in the cold for a whole night or telling her she was beautiful.