Shadow // Peter Parker (Book 1)

Part 21

Song: 'One Last Time' by Ariana Grande
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Ellie POV

"Have you ever had something taken from you, something you you cared about so much, that you couldn't live without, and now that it's gone you see it everywhere, in everything.

Every little thing reminds you of it, which makes the feeling 100 times more painful than it already is. From a crack in the sidewalk, to the clouds in the sky, to even a shitty takeaway pizza, you are reminded of the fact it's gone, and no matter where you turn, it's memory lingers everywhere.

That's how I feel when I realize you, dad, are gone. You are now only a memory, a memory I cherish so much, but utterly terrified to lose.

You always went above and beyond to protect me and make sure I was happy. And I'm the person I am today because of you. I miss the bitching sessions we'd have, moaning about life's difficulties over a pizza. I miss the way you always tried to master Mom's pancake recipe and failed every time. I miss you being overprotective of me, and constantly texting and calling me to make sure I'm okay. I even miss the way when you laugh, your forehead looks like a shriveled up tomato.

But above all, I just miss you. All of you. Even the parts you didn't like about yourself. Everything. Losing you is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me, and I'm in agony over it, and I know will be for a long time.

But what I also know is that you'll be there, still looking out for me, protecting me and comforting me. You'll be there when I cry into my pillow at night over you, when I finally pass math class and do a cringey happy dance, when I go to my first high school dance, when I throw my graduation cap in the air.

You'll still be the one giving me away when I walk down the aisle, and you'll be in the delivery room when I give birth to your grandchildren. I know you will, because you always have, always are, and always will be there.

The past few days have been total hell. The words "I miss you" can't even explain it. But I know you'll help me find a way to get through it, cos you always find a way of making me smile, even if all seems lost.

You'll always be the most overprotective, unprofessional, annoying, kind, caring, selfless, brave, amazing soldier I've ever met, and nothing can change that.

I love you x".

That's what I wish I said for my eulogy at the service, but I couldn't face all those people. Not even Peter could make me do it. Besides, I know he'd much prefer it written out and placed on his grave anyway.

After the service, everyone left cos of the rain, but I wanted to stay for a while. I told Peter I wanted to be alone, and he respected my decision.

When I look at his grave, it hurts that deep down, the coffin is empty. He deserved to be sent off properly, dressed in his army suit, with all his medals on display. But like usual, it's always the good ones that end up getting the shit treatment.

I crouch beside the grave and place my letter down, piling some dirt over it so it doesn't blow away with the breeze.

"Hey". I get up and turn to see Peter holding an umbrella. He walks over beside be and places his arm around me. I rest my head in his shoulder.

I would cry, but number one: I don't have anything left to cry out, number two: I'm physically, emotionally and mentally drained, and have no energy to do so.

"Listen, I know you might want to stay, but you'll freeze out here. I think it's best if you go home, and I'll come with you" Peter says softly, kissing my head.