Solitude

Eleven

"The fuck did you just say?"

I hear the words, then I look around in search for the source. It is only when I see Jonathan staring at me with eyes wide and lips part that I realize it.

It sounds weird. It feels weird. It's almost as if my brain had forgotten the sound of my own voice. I point to myself and Jonathan nods. It was indeed me. I made the sounds. I put words together in my head and they came out as an actual sentence.

I spoke!

"Martha, you spoke! You actually... Damn, Chris would hate that he missed this." He's grinning widely and it's an almost unreal expression on his face. It's a kind of unguarded excitement. The kind of smile you expect on a child who's riding a sugar high.

"Okay, okay!" He takes in a deep breath to steady himself. "I'm so sorry I got carried away. This is a serious situation. I'm calm now." He nods, but he's fighting back a smile. I'm about to smile back, but he's right. This is more than serious.

I scrunch my brows together as I think of an appropriate response. What am I supposed to say to the idea that one of the most the most influential men I know is probably involved with my mother's disappearance?

Moreover, Vincent isn't just an influential man. He's Jonathan's father.

I pull at my hair in frustration as my legs carry me down the length of the kitchen and back again.

"Please say something, Martha... Or do something. I don't – I may be wrong, but I'm probably not. I don't know, but he's the only one I can think of who really hates this family. Especially her."

I wish Cece was here. She'd know how to analyse this situation and the appropriate response to give. Or my dad. He's grown up. He'd know what to do, right?

"I went to the police. Believe me, I did. I told them of my suspicions but they are the most incompetent morons I know, bringing politics into justice. They called me a fucking child who's just mad at his father. Heck! I'm lucky they didn't tell him. If they did, Lord knows what he'd do to her if he has –"

"Stop!" I surprise myself by screaming as I slap my hands over my ears. "Stop! Stop! Stop!" I fall to the floor, my face wet as tears race down.

I feel his shadow over me as he rushes towards me, but I can't bring myself to look up. It makes no sense! It can't be real! I've basically idolized the Albert family for years and now there's the possibility he's with my mom?

My throat runs dry and everything blurs around me. I grab at my throat desperately as if doing so would help me breathe, but all that happens is the sound of me choking.

"Oh God!" Jonathan kneels beside me, a hand on my shoulder and instinctively, I throw myself in his arms as ugly sobs break free.

He doesn't say anything. He just stays here stroking my hair, trying to offer comfort, but knowing that the only thing that can comfort me in this moment is my mother here with me.