Solitude

Forty-Two

Everyone deserves to feel like the main character in their lives every now and then. Sometimes, with all the ugliness that is going on in our lives, it's hard for us to feel like in the grand scheme of things, we are important.

I think that's the importance of having a good support group. A good support group can generate the right amount of magic that is needed to slow it all down and make one feel like they're on top of the world and nothing else matters. There is no tomorrow, there is no yesterday, there is just now.

Perhaps that's a very privileged way of thinking. There are those that aren't in the position to enjoy even the simple things in life because they're too busy struggling to survive even for the second. I know this. I'll acknowledge my privilege, but every now and then as Mason says, we should enjoy it. We didn't ask for this life, our parents did and if life was fortunate to deal us the right stack of cards, the least we could do is to enjoy it and help make the lives of others a tad bit more bearable.

Today, we enjoy life. Tomorrow, we go back to helping everyone else. I think that is a philosophy to live by.

I stand at the top of the stairs and I can barely breathe. I know right below me, a bunch of people are there, phone cameras pointed at me, my name in the tags and the whole world judging or complimenting. I'm grateful for the air conditioners blasting cold air. If not for them, I'd be drenched in sweat.

I look down at the stairs, then at my pink cross strap six inches platform heeled shoe and I wonder if it's too late to run away.

I'm in the strapless high-low dress and I love the way it clings perfectly to my body. I don't know if I should be honoured that Mason can blindly shop for me and get the perfect fit, or if I should be worried. Then again, working in the fashion line all his life, I guess it comes naturally to him.

Speaking of Mason; he's standing right behind me – behind because it's all about me and he wants everyone to know that. He's in a pink fluffy fur-knit cashmere cropped sweater on black pants, matched with a pair of black ankle boots and just the right amount of jewelries – not as much as he usually wears, but just enough. His makeup is also very minimal and his recently trimmed and curled brown hair hangs over his forehead.

He could look more Masony but he really means it when he says all the attention is on me. I don't know how to feel about the fact that he's dressed down because of me. I look back at him and he winks at me.

Jonathan isn't here because he's already down, planning something. What is he planning? I'll be damned if I know.

"Anytime now, K-bear," Mason leans forward to whisper to me and I swallow hard.

What's the worst that could happen? I could trip on air and fall to my death and it would be captured and immortalized on the internet and I'll forever be known as the girl who made a fool of herself and died on her birthday. Maybe I'll make it to that page that's dedicated to foolish deaths.

There is soft music playing and the house is considerably darker than it was when I first walked in, safe from an actual freaking spotlight that is trained on me. No pressure to be perfect or anything...

I take in a deep breath and I put one leg in front of the other. Once the first step has been taken, the rest comes naturally to me. My brain tells me that I'm a model on the runway and a huge grin appears on my face as the urge to wave comes to mind. I don't resist it. I wave and I when I am at the bottom of the stairs, I find people staring happily at me, capturing this moment for all of eternity.

Mason and Cece says I'm not to post anything about my birthday until tomorrow. Let the others do it for me. I don't think I'm even going to have the time or the energy to touch my face until tomorrow, so no hassle there.