Dear August

|Fourteen|

I painfully cough up the liquid that filled my lungs in replacement of air. What I can get out splashes back into the lake as I'm doubled over the side of the dock as Finley and Joey pat my back trying to make me feel better.

I try to say something, but only a pitiful "H- h- h" comes out of my mouth. Finley rubs my back.

"Don't try to talk right now, Ry."

"Do you know how to swim?" Luca asks. I nod my head as an answer and try to hack up some more water.

"Then what happened?"

"Hey. That's not a yes or no question," Joey shoots Luca a look. I take a deep, very shaky breath and push out a tiny cough before trying to speak.

"I think I need to go inside," I say weakly. The three immediately jump up to help me towards the house. Finley and August holding either of my elbows and Luca and Joey grabbing all of our things to bring inside with us.

Finley leads me to her bedroom where we sit on the foot of her bed, her hand still rubbing my back soothingly.

"What happened?" She asks, confusing and slight fear filling her eyes.

I sigh. She's gonna think I'm crazy. "I saw her."

Her brows furrow. "Her?"

"August. I saw August. Not like in the lake with me. I saw a memory I guess. From a week before she... you know."

"Oh Ry," her hand stops and she looks at my face as I just stare at my hands.

"It was weird. It's like I was living in it again. I don't know why."

She thinks a moment. "I mean this is gonna sound like I'm giving boy advice, but maybe you need some closure with her?"

She's right. I haven't cried about her death since it happened. I've convinced myself that it's healthy and that I'm being strong.

I nod. "Yeah. I think you're right. I haven't cried since it happened."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I guess I've convinced myself that that's what she'd want. For me to not be upset about it."

"Ry, it's perfectly fine to cry over a death."

I brush her hand off of my back. "Let's just drop it."

Finley bites her bottom lip and nods.

"What did you guys see?" I ask. I figure I was thrashing around and screaming.

She shrugs. "You just sort of stayed down there. We got a little worried when you hadn't moved in like two minutes so August jumped in and pulled you out."

Of course it was August.

Two knocks rap out on the door and August pops his head in.

"Hey," he says. Finley looks over at me and smiles.

"I'll let you guys talk." She hops up from the bed and walks out the door. August waits for her to exit then shuts the door and sits on the bed next to me.

"Seems like a repeat of last time."

I laugh. It was. I'm soaking wet, we're sitting on the foot of the bed in awkward silence.

"Seems like this is our thing," I joke.

"What happened?" He asks, turning towards me. I follow his actions and face him.

"Let's not talk about it right now. It has something to do with August."

He takes my cold hands into his warm ones and smiles.

"Okay. Just tell me when you want to."

I return his smile and look down at our hands. Is he flirting with me right now? I can't tell. I can never tell.

"Do you want me to take you home?" I look up at him. Going home sounds nice. I bite my bottom lip and nod.

I give his hand a squeeze and he looks at me.

"Don't tell anyone about this okay?"

Not that I was embarrassed or anything. I just don't want my mom to worry that I'm hallucinating or anything. That wouldn't be good. And seeing what happened to her other daughter when she was struggling mentally, she'd probably throw me into a hospital so I wouldn't be able to do anything to myself.

August nods. We stare into each other's eyes for a second. He suddenly brings his hand up to my face and gently caresses my cheek. I shiver a little. This boy is going to be the death of me.

"You're sure you're okay?" His hand remains holding my right cheek as we stare at each other. I nod.

"Yeah. I'll be okay." I bring my own hand up to hold his and we continue looking at each other. With anyone else, all this staring would make me uncomfortable, but with August, it was okay.
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Heyyyyy so sorry for the very irregular updates, I'm gonna try to get on a schedule. But please be patient with my updates cause finals week is coming and that's really gonna kick my ass lol. Love ya and thanks for reading 🥰