Dear August,
Do you regret it? Do you regret leaving us? Why do I keep describing you as 'leaving' me and mom. You killed yourself. Do you regret killing yourself? Up until then I never gave suicide a thought. I never imagined suicide could happen to any of us in the family. But now that you've been gone, suicide isn't a taboo to me. Is it really the cowards way out? No. Fuck anyone who romanticizes suicide. Fuck them. They don't know the pain that it causes. They don't know how much I've been hurting since you died. Suicide is not some beautiful thing that happens to people who are hurting, it's not angels just 'going home.' No. It's not any of that souped up shit. Suicide is selfish. By committing suicide you're making a ripple effect. You don't know how many people you're hurting, you don't know how many people you're making cry at night. You don't know how many nights I've stayed up, wondering if maybe, just maybe if I hadn't yelled at you you would still be here. You don't know how much I blame myself for this.
And fuck you for that. Fuck you times a million. How could you not know what this would do? Or you did and just didn't care? You're selfish, and you only thought about yourself in that moment. I told mom to throw away those pain pills. But then again, I'm not blaming mom. You're the one who decided to take too many. Did it hurt? Were you suffering in your last moments? As much as I'd like to say I hope you were, I really hope you weren't.
August, you were a good person. You were kind. You were helpful, you stood up to people doing wrong. You helped me with everything and anything. The world is not a better place without you. This world is confusing and terrible without you. As I cried on the street watching you be driven away, a light inside of me left. And it hasn't come back. My world has stopped spinning, the sun hasn't come up for me, the stars haven't been shining, the flowers aren't as beautiful as they once were. Nothing is the same without you. And who's fault is that?
I hate you. I absolutely hate you for leaving me.
And yet, I can never hate you. Not in a million years.
With love,
Riley.
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Dear August
Fiksi Remaja(editing) "I hate you. I hate you for leaving me." Riley never imagined that she would leave the only home she ever knew. But after her older sister August left her mom and her unexpectedly, Riley's mom decides to pack up and leave the state. Riley...
