Dear August

|Twenty|

I wake up already sitting up in my bed, breathing heavily and seat beads running down my forehead. I hop up from my bed and into the bathroom, and splash cold water onto my face.

My flashbacks are getting a little out of hand. Especially since they're getting closer and closer to August's death. I forgot that whole cliff fiasco even happened. I guess I've just been blocking it out ever since it happened.

I should write to her.

I grab my notebook and pencil and turn on my lamp on my desk.

Dear August,

I finally get it. What Ryan said to you that day we went to the overlook. That you care when it's someone else's life. Did you tell him about your suicidal thoughts? If so, why didn't he tell me or mom about it? Unless you told him not to. Still, why didn't you tell me. I would've done something instead of just stand around like he did and not give a shit about anything. How the hell can I be so dumb sometimes? I should've known what he meant when he said that. I should've asked you and kept asking you until you told me. It would've annoyed you but at least you finally told me and I'd be able to do something about it. I'm mentally punching myself. For everything. Not just that one thing. I think my brain is punishing itself for not catching onto any of the signs, because I keep having flashbacks. From the week before you left. And they're going in order, so I'm sure I'm gonna have to have a flashback of the day you left. Not sure if I'm ready for that. Anyways, I'm falling asleep while writing this. I love you. I miss you. A ton. We'll talk soon.

With love,
Riley

•••

I sit at our usual booth at Mo's, waiting for Luca. He finally shows up and heads my way with a smile on his broken face.

The bruise under his right eye is a deep purple color, the bruises on his neck covered by a black turtle neck, and a bandaid on his nose.

I stand up to embrace him in a tight hug.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask, sitting back down. He follows me and sits down across from me.

"Alright I guess," he shrugs. "Finley took me home after I cleaned all the blood up and I guess I just passed out on the couch cause I woke up to literally my whole family asking what happened."

"Did you tell them the truth?"

"No. They'd flip their shit. No way I'm ever doing that."

"They don't know you're..."

"They do. They just wouldn't like it very much that I got jumped because of it."

I take in a breath and prop my head up with my hand.

"So... what happened?"

He shifts a little in his seat.

"It was Jake Gilinskis friends. He's not out of the closet to them. Jake is the guy I was hanging out with for most of the party. We went to a private room to go make out but I think one of them saw us going in there. And when they walked in on us Jake said I forced him in there and was forcing him to kiss me. And they dragged me out to the back yard and started beating me up. I knew if I tried to fight back they'd just hold me back and do worse things. So I sort of just let them."

I can feel my heart break for him a little more. Watching one of your best friends be in pain is one of the hardest things in the world.

I take his hands in mine and give them a squeeze.

"Jake is a fucking coward. The fact that he'd rather let his friends jump you than just come out to them is terrible."

"Homophobia at its finest," he offers me a smile.

Despite all the pain he's handling he still manages to smile. Wish I knew his secret.

He takes in a breath and shrugs. "Oh well. It's in the past. What's new with you?"

"Nothing really."

"Finley told me you and August were kissing at the party. Does that mean... you know... it's official?" He wiggles his brows at me. I roll my eyes.

"Yes," I squeak out. Luca squeals as a response and a few pairs of eyes in the restaurant turn to look at us. "Luca! Hush." I place my hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry," his smile falters a little and he settles down.

We sit in silence for a few seconds. Luca sighs and looks at me.

"So how are things going with your sister?"

Well here goes, I should probably tell someone about my flashbacks.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask. Luca straightens up a little and furrows his brows.

"Always."

"Like you can't tell anyone. People will probably think I'm crazy."

"I won't."

"Okay. So basically, I'm like... seeing my sister?"

"Necromancy?" Luca asks. I roll my eyes and shove his shoulder a little.

"No. I'm like, seeing memories kind of. Like that day in the lake when I practically drowned, I saw her. A week before she left. And then last night, I saw her again. And I know I'm gonna see another memory again. What's scaring me about it is they seem to be going in order leading up to when..."

Luca furrows his brows.

"That's..."

"Weird? I know."

"Well I was gonna say scary but that too. Have you told you mom?"

"No. And I don't want to tell her. She probably thinks I'm gonna end up killing myself too and throw me into some psyche ward."

"I don't know Ry. Maybe you should tell her?"

"There's no way I'm changing my mind on that," I cross my arms. Luca stays silent while he thinks.

"I don't know Riley. Maybe it's your way of coping? I mean, it did happen only four months ago. And you seem to not be grieving very much."

"Cause I'm being strong?"

"You can grieve and still be strong about it Ry. It's a normal, human thing to do. You shouldn't push it away just because."

"Whatever. Let's go bother Finley and Joey," I get up suddenly, setting down cash to pay for our shakes and walk out the door.

I can feel Luca rolling his eyes at me as I walk to his car.

"You know Ry," Luca shuts the door behind him and settles himself in his seat. "There's this thing going on tonight at the skating rink. It's like a anniversary party. We should go just me and you."

"Are you asking me on a date?" I joke, opening my mouth into an "o" shape.

"Why wouldn't I," he mocks my face and we laugh.

Luca drives me back to my apartment and I get out of the car. Just before I walk up the stairs he rolls down his window and shouts.

"Hey sexy! I'll pick you up tonight!"

I laugh and roll my eyes. "Okay, just text me." I wave at him and he drives off.
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Hey, sorry it took a second to finish this chapter, I just wanted some down time after finals. I'm not the happiest with this chapter but oh well what can you do.
Anyways, don't forget to comment and vote. Ily 🥰❤️