Dear August

|Fifteen|

Dear August,

Remember how I said I think I'm getting better? Yeah that was a lie. My friends and I were having a lake day yesterday, and I sort of almost drowned myself because I was having a "vision" sort of. Of you. It was a week before you left me. That night we climbed onto the roof and talked about just about everything. I only now realize what you were trying to tell me about. About giving life a second chance. I'm mentally screaming at myself for not catching on. Why didn't I understand what you were trying to get at? Do you hate me for not understanding? The one person that understood you more than anyone else, more than yourself, couldn't catch on that you were calling out for help. I hate myself for not getting it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I could've saved you. I could've tried. If I just hadn't been so naive and self involved I could've heard your screams for help. And I'm sorry I didn't. We'll talk soon.

With love,
Riley.

I put my note in the shoebox under my bed and check the clock. 3:37 am. Thank the lord we don't have school tomorrow.

I stretch out my arms and scrunch my face up. It's amazing that I'm not tired yet. I need to get out of the house, do something. I'll go for a walk. Or I can text Finley to come get me. Fat chance she'll be awake.

To: Finley💘

Riley🦋
You awake?
Wanna go for a drive to like McDonald's or something?

Right when I start doubting that she's awake, my phone buzzes on my desk.

Finley💘
I'll be there in 5

I remain in my pajamas and throw on my sneakers, trying to be as quiet as possible. Sure my mom was liberating when it came to hanging out with friends during the day, but if it was after curfew she'd never let me go out. And she'll definitely ground me if she figures out I'm sneaking out right now.

I close the front door as slowly and quietly as I possibly can and lock the deadbolt. I try to keep my footsteps as quiet as possible as I walk down to Finley's car.

The music plays softly as I open up the passenger side door. She smiles at me and sets down her phone in the cup holder.

"Ice cream cones?" She asks as I buckle up my seatbelt.

"You read my mind."

We sit in the car in the McDonald's parking lot, eating our ice cream cones.

"Do your parents know you left this late?" I ask, sucking off some ice cream that dripped onto my finger.

"My parents are still gone. I didn't have to ask anyone to leave."

Right. Neglectful parents.

"Did you sneak out?"

I nod.

"My mom would kill me if she figured out I'm out past curfew. Got in trouble with that stuff enough back in Arizona."

Finley raises her brows at me. "I take you were a bad kid in Arizona?"

I nod. "Not the best. I did a lot of bad stuff. Probably cause I had bad friends."

"What kind of stuff did you do?" She asks, licking her cone. I think a moment.

"One time we stole from the grocery store."

"That's nothing," she shrugs.

"Let me finish," I hold up my finger. "We stole from the grocery store, didn't try to make it look like we didn't or anything. And then the store employees came out and told us we needed to pay for the stuff. We flipped them off and got into the car and ran off. They obviously took the license plate down because next thing we know the cops are chasing us. We all got out of the car and ran through people's back yards till we lost them."