Collision || Luke Hemmings

don't be an ass

"Did you finish that song yet?" Michael called from the kitchen, Calum glaring at me slightly from the couch opposite me.

"What song?" I questioned, giving Calum the same look he was giving me.

"You know damn well what song." Michael groaned as he reappeared from the kitchen, an open beer in his hand.

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't look good on you." Cal hissed, strumming aimlessly yet again on his bass.

I narrowed my gaze even more at my dark haired friend, frowning deeply. "No. It's not finished."

"You finished the chorus in like two hours, why can't you finish the damn song?" Mikey groaned, staring at me less angry than Calum, but still angry.

"Why don't you write a fucking song for once?" I snapped, tearing my eyes away from the both of them to look at the song I had written in my notebook. Truth was I did finish it, but I didn't want them to know. I wanted to scrap the song completely and tell them to forget about it, but I knew I couldn't do that.

"Don't be an ass." Cal spit, still strumming that same tune.

I rolled my eyes at him but chose not to respond. Instead I read over the lyrics I had written almost a week ago, the lyrics I had refused to show them. You could still see the water marks on the paper where my tears had fallen. I hadn't realized what exactly I was writing until it was too late, and the words just wouldn't stop coming. It had been years since I had seen her, yet for some damned reason she was still in my head.

'I got a long term plan with short term fixes,
and a wasted heart that just eclipses,
and i push my luck from trust to dust enough,
that's a story of another us'

"Luke we need that song for our meeting with the label."

"I know."

"And you know the meeting is in four days, yeah?"

"Yes." I hissed, my jaw clenching as I continued to torture myself by looking at the my notebook. A few moments of silence followed before Mikey spoke up again, my eyes snapping up to glare at him harshly.

"Are you going to see her?"

"Is that a fucking joke?"

Mikey shrugged at my question, taking a gulp of his beer before opening his mouth again. "You broke up with Lexi, thank god, and don't think we haven't noticed how tense you've been since you realized you were going to be in the same place as her again."

"Can we not talk about her?"

"Why? Luke, I heard you crying the other night." He said softly, my hands clenching into fists as I looked away from him. "Now I know you've finished that song, I was just trying to be nice, but we need it. We're going to have to teach it to Ashton when we meet him tomorrow, so you might as well just give it up now."

"It's about her, right?" Calum said, sucking his lips into his mouth and shaking his head lightly.

"I-I... fucking hell." I groaned, shoving my hands over my eyes to cover my face. "I could not tell you the last time I saw her yet here I am still writing fucking songs about her. Will it ever stop?"

"Don't lie to yourself." Calum muttered, keeping his eyes shut as he stunned slowly.

"What?"

"You know damn well the exact last time you saw her. You probably remember exactly what she was wearing, right down to the perfume." He groaned, Michael nodding his head in agreement.

"No-"

"You aren't fooling anyone."

"Oh get fucked." I spit, refusing to let the memory resurface. Of course I remember the last time I saw her, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I did remember the perfume she was wearing (it was her favorite Burberry scent). And yes I hated myself for knowing that.

"So... you gonna give us the song or what?"

***

I ignored my phone as it rang... and it rang... and it rang over and over again. I knew it was Lexi, and that was exactly why I wasn't answering it. It had almost been a month since I ended things with her but she just couldn't seem to take no as an answer.

The boys didn't understand why I had asked Lexi out,  and Ashton had actually been the first one to figure it out. I knew the bitch was crazy but I also knew she was wrapped around my god damned finger. She would drop anything and everything at the drop of a hat if I called her, and that's exactly what I did. I mean, if Alli can fuck random people why couldn't I?

I had surprised myself when I agreed to let us be exclusive, but I quickly understood why I did it. Deep down I knew it was the only way I could her as much as she hurt me. If she hated anyone more than life itself, it was Lexi. I could still see her face when she found out that we were together together, and as much as it killed me it also gave me some peace of mind. It was definitely the sadist in me but I was glad to see that I could cause her the pain she caused me. I knew it was wrong of me, but I couldn't help it.

I just didn't think she would move away again. I wasn't entirely surprised, and part of me wanted to tell her to stay... but I couldn't. I had to let her go.

But here I was, however long later and still writing songs about her. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get her out of my fucking head. I was sick of it. I was sick of still being in love with her even after the way she ruined us.

I just wanted to be able to move on with my life. I mean we had a meeting with a record label who was serious about signing us... this was the break we had been waiting for and I didn't want anything to hold me back. Especially some girl who ripped my heart out and stomped all over it.

I flipped through the many pages of my notebook, skimming over all the songs that had been influenced by her. The early ones were sappy and all about my broken heart, then they got angry, and then they got sad again. I wouldn't dare tell anyone, but I still had a picture of us hidden in the back of my wallet. I also still had that god forsaken note hidden in a box under my bed... along with Savannah.

I don't think any of the boys knew I still had that damn doll and I definitely didn't want them too. I had tried to throw it away so many times, but never had been able to. I didn't know why, considering all it ever did was sit and collect dust, but something always prevented me from throwing it away.

"Hey." I looked up as Mike slowly opened my bedroom door, peaking his head in to look at me. "You ready?"

"Yeah." I nodded, standing from my bed and tossing my notebook into my backpack. I could feel Mike's eyes on me as I slung the backpack over my shoulder before walking over to grab my other suitcase and my guitar case.

"You going to be okay?"

"I hope so." I mumbled, stopping a few feet in front of him as I waited for him to move. He didn't.

"There's a good chance you're going to see her."

"I know."

"Do you know what you're going to say to her if you do?"

"Nothing?" I said, though it came out as more of a question. "I have nothing to say to her."

"Luke-"

"Mikey, don't." I interrupted him, sighing heavily. "She made it clear she didn't want me, I've moved on."

"Have you though?" He asked after a moment, referring to the song I had given them earlier that day. "Does some part of you wish... that there could've been, oh I don't know, a story of another us? Except not me... you know what I mean." He rambled on, a light chuckle leaving my lips.

"There was a story of another us... but it's over now."

"Okay... well in that case, if we do see her you can't freeze up. This is our only shot." He said sternly, referring to the fact that she had somehow managed to get a job with the same label that contacted us. What a coincidence.

"I know."

"I mean it. No freezing up and definitely no crying."

"Oh suck my dick."

a/n
sorry this is short i just wanted to get a little perspective into this boys head hehe pls comment and vote and yes thanks for reading i love you