Collision || Luke Hemmings

I don't trust myself

He fell asleep rather quickly. I wasn't even completely convinced he wasn't sleep talking when I came in. He seemed extremely out of it and I was hoping it was just because he was tired. Maybe he was still a little bit jet lagged. 

I, however, could not fall asleep. He had his arm wrapped securely around my waist, making it absolutely impossible for me to move. My hands were resting awkwardly against his chest, seeing as this was the very last thing I expected to happen when I trudged up the stairs about an hour ago. I hadn't expected him to cover over, let alone pull my body close to his. And I was so thrown off that I couldn't quite rest as peacefully as he seemed to be. 

His breaths were slow and even, and the crease that I had seen between his eyebrows since he got here was nonexistent. I found myself just staring at him, seeing as I couldn't actually sleep and I also couldn't exactly move. I wasn't sure what this talk was going to entail, seeing as I said everything I think I needed to. And I really didn't think he would want to see me again after it took me years to tell him the full truth. 

Yet here we were. 

"Its creepy, ya know, watching me sleep." I jumped at his sudden words, my heartbeat increasing instantly as he took a deep breath. 

"Sorry." I squeaked, my entire body ten times more tense that it had been moments before. 

"Mhm, I'm sure you are." He grumbled, letting go of me and rolling onto his back. I watched intently as he stretches his arms above his head, his eyes staying closed the whole time. I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I didn't. "How was your day?" He asked so nonchalantly that I, once again, was quite speechless. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, kinda like a dead fish out of water, before he peaked an eye open to look at me. He rose an eyebrow as if to reiterate his question, letting me know that he was indeed waiting for an answer. 

"Uh.. it-it was al-alright." I stuttered, forcing myself to sit up in hopes of actually being able to breathe. 

Why the hell was he acting so normal?

"You left again... when I told you not to." 

"I told you, though. I-I didn't want to get in the way of you celebrating."

"Well," He started, pushing himself into a sitting position and rotating so that he was facing me. We both sat with our legs crossed, our knees just barely touching as we looked at each other. "no offense, but you did." He said softly- not accusingly or angrily, but simply stating. 

"I know... and I'm sorry." 

"We are not going to get anywhere with this conversation if you continue to say sorry." He sighed, shaking his head lightly. "I get it, I really do. I'm angry that you lied and I'm even angrier that you kept it from me for years... but I get it." He said, his words clear as day yet for some reason I was having trouble understanding. 

"What?" 

"I...I know how hard it must've been on you... I just wish you would've trusted me enough to tell me the truth." 

"You... you're... not mad at me?" I stuttered out the words, his eyes staring into mine intently as I spoke. I wasn't understanding what he was saying, simply because it didn't make any sense. I had assumed he would spend this time yelling at me, telling me how wrong I was for doing what I did... but not understanding. 

"Oh no, I'm livid." He said, but contrary to his words he cracked a small smile. "But I know being angry isn't going to get us anywhere." I nodded at his words, our eyes still boring into each other's. I wasn't entirely sure the last time either of us blinked, both of us nervous to be the first to look away.