Collision || Luke Hemmings

I wanted to scream

The first thing I registered was that my head was pounding. The second thing I registered was that my body was slow, lethargic. I could barely lift my arms to let my hands rub along my temples, and I wasn't even sure I had the energy to open my eyes. 

I could tell that it was bright- wherever I was. But that was the thing. I had absolutely no idea where I was. The last thing I could remember was standing in the alley with Harry... standing in the alley when Harry pushed his lips into mine. I could vaguely picture Luke storming towards us... but that felt like more of a dream than reality. 

Did I imagine Luke storming down the alley? Was it just an image I conjured up in the moment before everything went black? 

Open your eyes! My subconscious screamed at me. Something wasn't right. 

My stomach began twisting in on itself. The hair on the back of my neck was standing tall. Someone was watching me. I could feel the intensity of their stare. I hated it. 

The thing was, I couldn't open my eyes. 

It didn't matter how much I yelled at myself. It didn't matter how much I willed my eyelids to move. They wouldn't. I was stuck... starting at the backs of my eyelids while someone continued to stare at me. 

It felt as though hours and hours and hours were passing by, and I honestly couldn't tell if it had only been minutes. There was a strange tingling in my arms, and a throbbing pain in the small of my back. And as the seconds passed, I still couldn't open my eyes. I didn't even think I could my arms if I tried. 

I felt so drained. I had absolutely no energy. My anxiety couldn't even start to act up, that's how much energy I didn't have. And that was about all the thinking I could do before my consciousness let go. 

***

I lost count of how many times my mind came and went. At some point I was positive a week had passed. At some point I really thought I was dead. The only thing that clued me in that I was, in fact, still alive, was the tingling that continued to radiate from my arms. 

The first time I came to I remembered the tingling in my arms. 

The second time I could feel the tingling in my shoulders. 

The third time it was in my back. 

Some time after that it was my legs. Then it was my feet. 

Now it was back up in my chest. 

But I still couldn't open my eyes. 

***

I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, solely so that I knew I still could. 

I wasn't sure how long I had been in this seemingly comatose state, but I was starting to feel like nothing would ever change. I wouldn't ever hear my own voice again. I wouldn't even get to see the busy London streets again. I wouldn't be able to hear my mom's voice again. I wouldn't be able to hear Luke's voice again. I would never see his face again... I would never be able to run my hand through his curls again. 

God I wanted to scream.

***

It felt like a lifetime had passed when my hand twitched. My hand twitched and then my heart starting racing and then my anxiety starting to skyrocket. 

And I had never felt more relieved. 

For the first time in however long I could finally move. 

It started with just a muscle twitch in my forearm that caused my hand to flinch. Then it spread like a fire as I tensed up as many muscles as I could. When I could wriggle all my fingers without too much effort I tried my legs... and was pleasantly surprised when my toes flexed effortlessly. I let a few minutes go by, tensing and relaxing as many muscles as I could. I was sore, no doubt from lying motionlessly for however long, but I could move.