Book Of Love

My Secret (Pt 4)

"What, what do you mean?" My voice trembled.

This is why I hate the doctors. They break the most depressing news to you, ever.

"You have cancer, you have leukaemia. " The nurse looked as if she wanted to cry. A sob escaped my mum's lips, she didn't even know.

"Please explain to me what it is and how you think I have it?" I wanted to cry, my life could be cut short.

Maybe for good.

"It is a cancer of blood- forming tissue where your body fails to fight infections. Some symptoms include: Excessive bleeding of the nose,or open wounds, tiredness,shortness of breath,muscle pains, fevers or chills, bruises or red dots on the skin which you haven't gotten yet." The nurse taps on the monitor screen, trying to focus extremely hard,while still talking to me.

Well that explains what has happened lately. Is there a cure for this?

"Is there a cure?" Mum piped up, hope filling up her voice.

"Yes, there is chemotherapy which kills the cells that are growing or multiplying too quickly,and there is blood transfusions which is where we add blood components to replace the deficiencies within the bloodstream." The nurse checked her clipboard,frowning, " It costs around $25,531 and $44,087."

Shit, we don't have that kind of money. If mum can't pay for it, maybe I should die, then I can finally be with dad again.

"What's his chance of surviving if we do this?" Mum sobbed, almost choking on her saliva.

"26%" The nurse looked around sadly and left us in silence.

"I'm going to die,mum." I said because it was the truth, no matter who cared for me, they had to learn to live without me.

"No your not,not if we do the therapy."

"We don't have that kind of money. And if I die it will be a waste of money." I sniffed.

"You're going to die and I don't want that." Mum pulled me into a hug, and I sobbed onto her shoulder. There was no other option, but to live my life to the fullest.

"I don't want to either but at least this way, I'll still have dad." I smiled hoping this would encourage mum to smile a little too.

She scoffed. Close enough. She let go of me, cleaning up her eyes, "Kadence is on her way, she wants to talk to you."

I nodded, and decided to close my eyes. Never did I say how afraid I was to go to sleep. Do you know how scary it is to go to sleep and possibly never wake up the next day? I risked it and closed my eyes, falling asleep quite quickly.

*********

"Mum where's daddy?" I had held onto mum's leg looking around for dad. "He is away, darling." "Mum tell me where daddy is." I squealed wanting to know. "In the hospital." Mum had picked me up, putting me against her hip. "I wanna visit him." Mum nodded. We drove to the hospital and the whole drive there, killed me, I wanted to see dad again. There he was lieing in a hospital bed, eyes half open, half closed, his breathing rasped, and tubes connected to every inch of his body. I jumped on the side of the bed, " Daddy, daddy, daddy." He grunted "Careful Wes, I'm not as active as I always was." I nodded bitterly, "What's wrong daddy. Are you going to die?" A tear rolled down my cheek as I bit my lip. He placed a hand on the side of my cheek, "Whatever happens to daddy, you promise me you will always be strong yes?" I smiled pushing my cheek into his hand, "Always daddy, I love you." "I love you Wes." Were his last words, his last breath on my hair, haunted me, it always made me think of him.

"Wes, Wes, Wes" Kadence shook me until I groaned and she pulled me into a hug, "oh thank you God."

Oh just a memory.

"I'm still alive." I scoffed and she elbowed me "Don't joke about that dummy."

"What's your chance to live if you do therapy?" Kadence asked curiously.

"26%" I noticed as her eyes teared up. "Crap your going to-" she bit her lip, and a tear rolled down her eye.

"Die, I know." I finished her sentence, sighing.

I don't want Elysa to know or else she would become all overprotective and I don't need that at the moment.

"I get to go to school, but I'm not allowed to do anything active." I sigh.

"Just be thankful that you can still live a bit longer, spend it wisely."

I squeezed her hand, "I will."

********

"Boy it feels so good to be home, to see my beauty again." I smirked, running a hand along my computer.

"Jerk." Kadence scoffed,turning her head in the direction of the front door as the door bell rang.

She ran off in that direction, sudden silence then she yelled that it was for me.

I rounded the corner, my heart skipping a beat, when I saw Elysa standing at the door.

She threw her arms around my neck, gently kissing my cheek, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, "Let's go for a walk."

Kadence cleared her throat," Be careful, it's dangerous out there."

Elysa furrowed her eyebrows, and I took her hand leading her outside.

"I've thought about it and I want to be your girlfriend." She entwined her hand through my hand.

What's the point of having a girlfriend, for like one day and then she has to go through the pain of losing me, no it's not fair.

"Don't worry about that." I shook my head, taking out my asthma puffer, spraying a few puffs into my mouth.

"But I like you, alot." She scoffed, putting a finger over my lips, "don't talk, just say yes."

"I.. I can't do that to you."

"What, you can't let me be happy!?" Elysa almost yelled.

"No, a relationship comes with consequences, I don't want you to get hurt." I replied trying to think of the best excuse.

"I don't care, I love you." Elysa put a arm around my shoulder. I sighed, she's so sweet.

Do I say I love her back? I can't. What's the point.

I hope she understands, "Okay."

My breathing started to cut short again, so I took my asthma puffer out, spraying large amounts of it into my mouth.

"Are you sure, you're okay?" Elysa takes her hand in mine again.

"Let's go back." I pull her hand, and she follows me.

"I have to go, when we get back, but do you want to eat at HogWarts restaurant tomorrow morning for breakfast?" She asked.

"I would spend every second of the world with you." I kissed her hand squeezing.

Well technically, every second of what I have left. I would do anything to kiss her before my times up.

My life has just become an hour glass, the sand is slowly pouring onto the bottom glass, and as soon as that last grain of sand falls, I'm going to die.

I don't want to die, I want to knowing that I was loved. I want to die knowing Elysa had cared for me.

*******