Change (punk h.s.)

Chapter 35

I did not know what I missing out until we, me and Harry became this thing, as he said. Usually I would have pointed out how he called this a "thing", it makes it sound like he doesn't care even though I know he does. 

The thing with Steph is now all cleared up. She confessed she only wanted a "good fuck". That is exactly what she said. I felt anger inside me but gladly she left right before I was going to rip her pretty hair out of her head. I think she went back to France, at least I don't have to see her around here.

Anne is still looking for an apartment so she is still living with us which I don't really mind but I can see that Harry is not as delighted that her mother is living with us. I like having her around, she's a great person to just talk to. She's a very good listener.

It's all been good to this day, I just got the feeling that... Since he is experienced with well, everything, it just makes me feel like I'm holding him back and that he wants to do stuff like that and I am so inexperienced that I will let him down or something and I-

"Sydney?", his voice tears me away from my thoughts. "What are you thinking about?, he asks as he sits down on the couch next to me. I sigh and shake my head mumbling "Nothing".

"Tell me", he insists, softly yet sternly.

"Seriously, it's nothing"

"Seriously, tell me", he moves closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.

I take a deep breath and then spill out what is bothering me. He stays silent, watching me intently. He's actually listening to my worries and that is something that makes me feel important.

"Sydney, it's alright. I'm not planning on anything,", he smiles and stands up, heading over to his bedroom.

I'm not planning on anything?

What is that supposed to mean? Does he not want to do anything with me? Am I too inexperienced for him? 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. I don't know why I am hurt. I understand, nobody wants an inexperienced 19 year old virgin when you can get your very experienced, whore ex-girlfriend to sleep with you. 

It still bothers me that Harry slept with Steph. I can't say that it hasn't crossed my mind that he might do it again. He swore he won't but I am still not so sure. Harry told me himself that he has slept with lots of women, he stopped a while after I moved in but you can't just change your behaviour that easily. Change is not easy.

To be honest, I am not really sure how to feel about this, being in a relationship with him. We are two complete opposites, we are like from two different planets. It must seem ridiculous to others, seeing us together. When I moved in this apartment, Harry hated me, I hated him, kind of. We didn't really get along well but at the same time we sort of did. It was confusing, it still is.

"Sydney, I'm going to work", Harry informs me as he walks towards me. I keep my face away from his direction. As he is right in front of me, he leans down to give me a kiss. I dodge it, moving to the side. He pulls back, his eyebrows furrowed. "What was that?", he snaps. I shrug, taking the remote and push the volume button of the television, turning the volume a bit louder. "Sydney I have no time for this shit, what's wrong?", he asks, taking the remote, tossing it on the couch beside me.

"You're going to be late", I mutter as I take the remote again. He groans, checking the time from his phone as he takes his keys from the coffee table and he starts walking towards the front door. He turns on his heel, looking over at me. I don't turn my head towards him but I can feel his eyes on me. He huffs before he heads out, slamming the door closed behind him.