Change (punk h.s.)

Chapter 4

I start to unpack my things to the closet and take a look in some of the pictures I had taken with me. Most of them are somehow related to Sam.

Sam.

The way he reacted is still odd to me. He never have acted like anything close to that.

He slapped me...

I still can't believe that. I still hear how the sound echoed around the room. It was a massive shock. It hurt mentally more than it did physically. Which for me is worse than the other way around. I sigh heavily and sit on the bed.

I bite my lip and close my eyes, trying not to cry. I have to get over him. I really liked him. How did he blow up like that? Isn't he happy for me? But I shouldn't be thinking about it. I should be thinking about....

The fact that some people were making love on this bed a while ago.

"EWW!", the whine comes out more of a scream. Disgusting!! I may have to burn these sheets. And these clothes.

"Everything alright?", I hear a familiar voice questioning from the other side of the door. Niall.

"Yeah, everything's fine." I answer and gather the sheets in a pile and toss them on the floor. I really need to clean those.

"I thought I heard a scream.", he says and opens the door. He looks down at the sheets then back at me.

"Some people were just in my bed, doing it.", I explain awkwardly.

"You mean fucking on your bed?", he smirks.

I cringe at his choice of words. I don't like it when people say the 'f' word out loud. I don't like it when people use bad language.

I nod. "I prefer 'making love'", I say quietly and he laughs.

"So not that big of a deal then?", he asks.

What is with people thinking it's not a big deal?

"Not a big deal? How would you feel if they were doing it on your bed?", I ask. He stays quiet for a while.

"I guess you're right.", he nods and laughs a little.

I continue unpacking my things and Niall goes over to the desk. He opens a box and...

"Who's this guy?", he asks as he takes a picture in his hands. It's me and Sam. Kissing. It hurts to even look at that picture.

"That's Sam."

"Is he your boyfriend?", he asks, not taking his gaze off of the picture in his hands.

"No," I sigh. "We broke up just before I moved here.", I sniff.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

"Aww Sydney...", He turns to me and hugs me. And what a surprise now I am crying on his shoulder.

Why are you so God damn emotional...

I quickly pull away and wipe my eyes on my sleeve. Thank god I put waterproof mascara this morning... "Sorry", I apologize and sniff at the same time.

"It's alright.", he smiles. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks and gently runs circles on my lower back. Probably to make me relax.

"No.", I wipe my nose on my sleeve. "I'm alright.", I give the best fake smile I can manage.

"You sure?", he asks, still his hand on my back. I nod. He hugs me one more time and stands up.

The fake smile ALWAYS works...

"If you need anything. I'm here. Somewhere... lost in the crowd.", he says. "If I don't find a girl to go home with.", he winks. I try to smile through the disgusted cringe that was caused by his words. He sighs.

"No but seriously come if you want to talk or something."

"Okay.", I smile and wave at him. He walks away and I walk to the door and just as I am closing it something stops me.

Niall stops the door with his hand."One more thing", he says with not a hint of emotion on his face. He looks serious. Very serious.. "You have to be careful with Harry. Even though he is one of my best friends, I'm warning you. Be careful.", he says and walks away.

Uhm... Okay.

That was weird... Really weird.

He means the satanic rituals. Harry is going to sacrifise you to Satan.

I laugh at the thought. What if he actually does have satanic rituals in his room and that is why nobody is allowed in there? He could be one of those people. You never know.

I look over to the box of pictures. I walk over to it and take the picture Niall was holding just a minute ago. I just keep staring at it. This was taken on our one year anniversary. We were so happy and we never had a fight unless we were picking what movies we could watch. Our relationship was so perfect. Maybe that was the problem. It was so perfect, it was boring.

But there is no explanation for the way he reacted. I do not understand it. Ugh, why can't I stop thinking about it?

Just get over him for fucks sake!

Why is it so hard to just forget? Forgetting should be easy. Like forgetting to buy milk from the store. It should be easy as that. But no. It's not.

I sigh and collapse on the bed. I just stare at the ceiling.

"Why is it so hard?", I whisper to myself.

The music is still bounding but maybe even louder than it did when I arriwed here. I can't even read without getting distracted by the music. Quickly, I grab my bag and put there my wallet, few books and my laptop.

I pull the bag on my right shoulder and quickly leave my room. I squeeze through the crowd and just as I'm about opening the front door I hear someone ask.

"Where are you going?"

I turn around and see Harry standing behind me.

"Oh I'm just going to uhm... go to.", I stuttered. He raised an eyebrow. 

That goddamn eyebrow again.

"I don't know.", I sigh. "Just to some café or library I guess", I continue.

"Alone?", he questions. I nod slowly. He stays quiet for a while and then continues "Uh... okay.", he says and walks away.

Uhm... okay?

I shake my head and exit the apartment. Harry was being weird, wasn't he?

Or maybe he tried to have an conversation with you but then realized that you're not worth of his time.

Oh shut up... My subconscious is so annoying. I feel like she's in a wrong body. My subconscious is like this rebelious girl in a goody two shoes girls body. At least sometimes.  And I thought subconscious was supposed to be the rational part of your mind. Well not for me! My subconscious is...

Fucked up.

Messed up!!

Well you were thinking about it...

I push her away. She is so annoying!! Maybe I'm just crazy. Or I have two people in my body! That would be so cool though.

Maybe I had a twin but she died at birth so now i have her living in my body. Oh my gosh that would be so cool.

I laugh at how ridiculous I sound right now and start to walk down the staircase.

Time to find a café.

Sigh.