Ice Heart

I'm not allowed to

After a while I drilled holes into the leafs that where more or less moveless I throw the leafs into the air with my shadow arm and tried to form an Bow and arrow with the shadow and shot a hole in the fallen leafs. It was exhausting and I was sweating like crazy after a while, but I was able to hit every leaf in the middle. The leafs where unharmed just a little hole in the middle was proof of my attack, I wanted to try it one more time but just as I wanted to shot I lost my concentration and the Shadow vanished and with that a cut on my Hand palm appeared.

„Ah Shit. . .“

I leaned down to the Water and washed my Hand as someone was standing next to me, I didn't need to look up to know where it was. He kneeled down and took my hand in his, my heart leaped in my chest at his touch. He took out a Handkerchief and dried my hand carefully not to hurt me, he touched me like I would break any minute if he would squeeze my hand to tight.

„a beautiful flower, but beware of its poisonous thorns“

I looked up at him and he smiled, he took out a bandage and rapped it around my hand. I didn't know what to say and the longer we stayed like this I grow more and more confused about my racing heart "Why am I always so confused around him. . . That's not like me at all"

„I watched you train since a few nights ago, I'm impressed, I never thought that you have this much power“

„Im not. . . Not anymore“ 

„What do you mean?“

„I didn't fought for a very long time, I didn't need to. The only fights I had where to train with Hak, and there I didn't need the power I was born with. As we stared this journey I still didn't need to use it I could fight with my cloves, so I thought. But this journey and meeting the new Dragons taught me that I was wrong, this whole journey I wasn't able to fight. I was just a hindrance, I got hit by an arrow and fell from that cliff and I almost killed Hak and Yona as I wanted to protect them, because of that I wasn't able to fight and after that we got caputered by the white Dragon Village because I couldn't protect them. In the Village of the Blue Dragon we got stuck in a cave after an earthquake, I was useless after some memories of the past hunted me down. This whole time I was shivering on the ground and the others where digging to get free, even Yona even though she was so exhausted. And about the fight with Kum-Ji I don't want to start their again. If I can't get back my true power and strength then I'm useless to everyone and a burden, I can't let this happen. I once decided to leave Yona and the others and as I found a group of fire tribe soldeirs I tried to fight them alone, I didn't stand a chance alone and as I tried to use my powers I failed and hurt myself. That was just before I was found by you . . . If I can't get stronger then I don't want to be a burden for all of you, then I will leave . . . Forever “

The whole time I talked I was looking at the water and reflecting about the past, as I was finished I realized that my hand was still in his hand. "Why did I even tell him about all this" I took my hand back and turned away from him

„your way stronger then you might think, you live for such a very long time. You lost so much up until now, and your still standing here. You believe in all of us and the most in Yona, you are trying to protect everyone hiding yourself. You want everyone to be happy that you forget about yourself. What is it that you really want? What would make you happy?“

I was so surprised about his words that I looked at him, his eyes looking directly on mine so sincerely. I thought about his words "What I want? What would make me happy?" I stood up and looked at the sky

„i have no right to be happy, not anymore “

Just as I wanted to leave I felt him grabbing my hand and I don't know why but I stopped, for a few minutes no one said a word but then I felt him closing in. He was standing directly behind me, still holding my hand.

„I think that you know very well that this is not true, your the person who deserves to be Happy the most. And I think that he would agree, and you know that too don't you?“

„I don't think that you are right, but I know that he would agree with you. But that's not the point, after he died. . . He took everything with him, my heart, my Soul and every feeling felt inside me. Like I said, I can't be happy anymore“

„Are you really sure about that? I can't really believe that because I can see it in your eyes, I saw it before as you were in Gi-Gan's Crew and I'm certain since Zeno joined us. You are more relaxed and you let your guard down every once in a while even if it is just for a second, you can feel something changing inside you. as if something has frozen for a long time, slowly thawing again.“

I didn't liked it but I knew that he was right, but for some reason I didn't want him to see that. I turned around and looked up at him, I placed on hand on my hip and smiled challenging.