Ice Heart

give me time

Sen-to stood up and looked over at the sleeping Kids in the grass, they had listened to my story and fallen asleep at some point which I was actually glad because they didn't need to hear some of the parts.

„I think will take the kids home, it's late“

Jea-Ha and I also stood up, and Sen-to came over to me to hug me.

„I'm so glad I could see you again“

„Im also glad, we live in a inn nearby maybe you can come by as long as we're here and meet the others“

„sure, I would like that“

We said our goodbyes and Jea-Ha and I made our way back to the Inn, my heart felt heavy as I left Sen-to but I couldn't do anything.

„so, Chickpea huh?“

I couldn't help but blush so badly, this was so embarrassing as I thought about the whole situation

„Can we please pretend that this never happened“

I hide my face behind my hands and just heated Jea-Ha laugh next to me

„Well, we both can pretend it didn't happen, but if Sen-to comes by to meet the others then I'm not sure you can convince the others to do the same, especially Hak“

„Oh good God please give me a hole to hide in to“

„you know, it's good to see you like this“

I looked up at him and saw him just walking and looked straight forward

„like what?”

„natural“

It took me off guard to hear him say this, for a moment I didn't know what he meant but then it hit me. I hadn't even realized that I have been acting like this, I had let my guard down around him and Sen-to without even noticing. To be with Sen-to again made it feel like in old times as we were kids, as I thought about it I realized that it felt good to be my old self again after all this time. After everything that happened I had closed myself off so I wouldn't get to attached to someone and don't get hurt, but to be true it hurt even more to push them all away and see them struggle and worry about me. Maybe I  will get hurt in the future but I have people to lean on and to help me stand up again if I fall, I always had this people at my side without seeing it. Maybe I could be my real self again . . .

„i like your ture self even more“

I didn't know why but fear rise inside me and it transformed into anger, I clenched my hands into fists and looked down.

„you don't know me“

I muttered angrily and stared walking faster

„What is your problem? I never said I know you, but is so bad that I want to know you“

Jea-Ha also walked faster to catch up to me, but I didn't stop

„you don't want to, no one wants to.“

„thats not for you to decide, everyone around you decides for themselves if they want to know you“

„and it's not for you to decide if I show you or not“ 

I raised my voice without wanting to, I didn't know why I was so angry all of a sudden. We arrived at the inn and  I found the others were all sitting in the lobby talking, I ignored them and walked straight to my room with Jea-Ha still behind me. I was tried and I was frustrated and angry, I just wanted some pice and quiet and sleep. But apparently Jea-Ha had not planned to end end the conversation, just as I entered my room and wanted to close the door in his face but he put his foot in the way and pushed the door open.

„get out of the way“

„No“

„I said get. Out.“

„I don't know why your so angry all of a sudden but it will bring you nowhere if you start shutting of everyone again“

Jea-Ha pushed the door open more and stepped in my room, i needed more space and walked over to the other side of the room. I looked at Jea-Ha again and he smiled at me, I couldn't help but grin a little to and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

„Oh so you think you know the real me from just one day?“

„i got a pretty good preview of what your real self is but I would like to know more about the real Emi-Ri and what she is like“

„you don't know what your saying“

„i know what I want“

„and if you don't like what you see?“

„thats not possible“

„how can you be so sure?“

He raised an eyebrow and walked over to me looking into my eyes with concern, and placing his hands on my shoulders.

„what are you so afraid off?“

I could feel my mask falling and I didn't have enough strength to fight him and my feelings anymore so I sight

„im afraid of disappointing you, if you know my real self and don't like it. . .“

„dont you think it's for me to decide if I like it or not? But I have to admit that it's really cute that you worry about it so much what I think about you“

„dont get cocky . . .“

„im not. I'm happy that you worry so much, it shows that you care about me so what are you so afraid of?“

„im afraid that I will care to much about you and if you realize that I'm not the person you think I am and don't like it. . . You will leave and I wouldn't survive that. I know this feelings and I know how much it hurt if this person leaves, I don't want to get hurt like this again I can't live through this again. You heared my story today, I had my reasons for shutting everyone out. . .“ 

„Tell me to leave“

„What?“

I was shocked and looked him in the eyes, I never before saw him this serious and I didn't know what he meaned.

„If your so afraid and don't want to let me in, then tell me to leave. Tell me to leave and before you can't go back and I will leave you alone, but I want don't want to see you struggling so much. So tell me to leave.“

I didn't know what to do, I promised Hiryuu I would start a new live and I wanted it myself but to accept this feelings after all this time. I wasn't a coward but it was hard and I didn't want to lose control of my life again, I looked away from him and I could hear him sigh. Suddenly his warms left my shoulders and I looked up again, Jea-Ha had turned around and started to leave. Without realizing it my body had moved on its own and I had grabbed his wrist, Jea-Ha stopped immediately and looked at me over his shoulder. I couldn't look him in the eyes and I just looked down at the ground,

„Dont leave“

My voice was just a whisper but he heard me clearly, suddenly I could feel him change the grip and he grabbed me by the wirst and pulled me to him and in the next moment I was in his arms. He hugged me, his arms tight around my Shoulders. My first impulse was to push him away but I realized that it didn't felt uncomfortable, his warm body against mine made me relax and I closed my eyes. Slowly I placed my arms around his waist and returned his embrace, as he felt my arms closing around him he hugged me a bit more tight. I didn't know how long we stood like this but I know that it felt good, I wanted this, I wanted him. But I wasn't sure if I could call it love and I didn't know what Jea-Ha felt for me. I couldn't just jump in the cold water, I needed time to sort everything out.

„Just give me time“

„as much as you need, just stop struggling and shutting everyone out“

I could only nod and after a few more minutes I could feel Jea-Ha loosen his grip around me, I took a step back but still couldn't look in his eyes.

„Good night“

„Good night“

I heard the door close and I just let myself fall on the bed, the day was exhausting and my heart was racing. What will happen from now on?