Not So Black and White

chapter 3

        I anxiously glared at the clock as it ticked slowly through every minute. I almost wanted to fake an appointment to leave class early to get over to Black and Donegan. Today was the day I was going to do it. I was going to force myself through those doors and make a divorce happen. Soon as class ended within 15 minutes I found myself nearly skipping a step as I raced up them. As I rode the elevator up to the fifth floor I blew on my thumb, I read once that blowing on your thumb relieved anxiety because of nerve endings there connected to something, but whatever it was, it wasn’t working. My heart beated so hard in my chest I thought the older getleman next to me could hear it. I walked in and for the first time I grabbed the cold metal handles to the office and walked through the door. The young blond woman at the desk gave me a smile that felt familiar and asked me to wait a few minutes as she phoned Mr. Black. I waited there and eyed the others in the lobby, an elderly man holding documents staring at his feet, probably something to do about a death, a young woman maybe a little order than me, most likely waiting for a job interview and finally a middle aged and over weight woman probably going through a divorce, yet a small voice broke my gaze.

“Ms. Hilder, Mr. Black will see you now,” her slim hands gestured to the door where she led me a down a hall. The hall had tall ceilings and white walls. Every few feet a wall was covered with a black and white photo of Boston, “His office is straight ahead, just knock.” I nodded and continued. A silver plaque on the wall read, “J.Black Esq.” I knocked and heard a low voice reply to come in.

            As I walked in I noticed a man turning around from a small table against floor to ceiling windows that over looked Boston. He had fixed himself a cup of coffee, my eyes caught the steam from his mug as he introduced himself, “Hello I’m James Black,” As I replied introducing myself I noticed his built stature, his salt and pepper hair, his round tourtise shell glasses pushed onto his well endowed amount of hair. His handshake was firm showing the strength he had. His chizzled jaw was bare from any facial hair and the only wrinkles I could notice were the lines below his green eyes that hid behind the glasses he now brought to his face.  

“I’ll be honest, I’ve been expecting you,” he said right away.

“What do you mean?” I asked feeling my stomah drop as I sat down in the cold wooden chair infront of his large mahogany desk.

“Never mind,” he said briefly as he smirked. “Alright how can I help you Ms. Hilder,”

“Anna,” I correct him, yet he cleared his throat as he goes for some papers,

“Ms. Hilder, can you tell me why you are here?” He asked again, ignorring my comment.

“I thought you already knew,” I softly replied as my face grew red.

Soon enough the playful banter he started was over by his sharp voice,“Ms. Hilder, I’m not sure if you are aware that I charge $225 an hour and if you are here for a divorce, which I assume you by the fact that you twisting your wedding band, I charge a $4000 starting fee-“ But before he could finish his tyrant, I stopped him.

“I am here for a divorce and I did my homework Mr. Black,” I handed over a slim piece of paper, “Four grand right here, I want a divorce.”

“Alright,” He said as his hands repositioned his tie. They looked weathered by his bit nails and the cracks within the skin but they remained with a strong while accompained by an exspenive watch as they pulled his navy tie right, left and right again. “So these are the initial papers I need you to fill out, you can bring those home to do, so don’t worry about it now.” As I collected them I felt the tension die down. “So why do you want a divorce Ms. Hilder?” He asked leaning back.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“I asked why you want a divorce,”

“That’s sort of private isn’t it?” I asked again being hummilated by the thought of recounting what happened last night.

“Ms. Hilder, its nice to know and able to tell so easily that you are young and this is your first divorce. But what you don’t know is that I will know everything about you and your life. I will know every secret your soon to be ex-husband knows about you, I will know about every dark secret you have, I will know about your fetishes, obsessions, weird habits, almost anything anyone could ever hold against you. I will know about the thing you think no one knows about, because its my job to cease any or possibly all surprises in court, and make this as smooth as possible.” I swallowed what felt like a brick in my throat, and I think he knew that he scared me. “So step one of making this easy for you, what’s you husband’s name,”

“Leo,” He nodded and scratched it down onto his legal pad.

“How long have you been married?”

“Three years,” I responded softly, I could almost feel the judgement seep into the air.

“How old are you Ms. Hilder?” He asked looking puzzled.

“I’m 21,” I knew what would come next,

“So married three years, and you're 21..”He carried onto to just stare at me. “Did he knock you up?” He imposed.

“No!” I revolted.

“So why the hell did you get married at 18??”

“I love him,”

“Sounds like you still do,” I felt the tears well up in my eyes as he questioned me.

“Tell me the story,” he asked taking off his glasses.

“What?” I asked sniffling away my tears,

“Tell me the love story, it better be good.” I then figured if I was paying 4 grand he should know everything. Everything from how I snuck onto BC campus when I was 16 to go to a party, met a sophomore boy named Leo and we fell hard in love. Dated for the rest of my high school life pissing off his parents to no end then running away on my 18th birthday to Vegas. I could he was impressed by our cover story of it being a trip cross-country but we returned married. The only person who kept in contact was his stepfather, trying to rebuild a relationship by buying and paying all the bills for an exspevive town house while I tried to finish college.

“You mentioned his family was upset, was yours?”

“My father died when I was young and my mom and I never were on great terms so this kind of ended our relationship, so yeah.”

“I see.. So you were a party girl in high school, married your boyfriend in rebellion against your mother and his parents, and then the only person that has supported you in all of this is the estranged step-father?” It almost looked liked he was going to laugh.

“Well when you say it that way…” Then he did sort of laugh, I stood up and backed off from his desk. “I don’t need this right now,  I can easily find someone else” I held open my hand looking towards the check.

“Sit down Ms. Hilder, I am here to help you. I’m sorry I laughed but my usual clientele is the usual 48 year old over weight woman who is pissed off about their cheating husband but it’s refreshing to have you.” I sat back down staring at him waiting for him to say something else but the silence almost soothed me. I almost felt like he understood why I was here and the silence and the soft look he gave validated it.

“Thanks,” I said finally breaking the silence.

“Alright, well you want to divorce your husband of three years, children?” I shook my head.

“No, I’m graduating this spring and we aren’t in any rush to have any and I don’t know if I want any.” He nodded,

“Graduating from?”

“Boston College Nursing Program.. Ironically I’ll be on the birthing wing..” He chuckled.

We then went on to discuss the financial matters of our divorce and I found him laughing again when I explained my legal fees are being paid by babysitting money,

“I don’t think I ever heard a client ever say that,” We then both laughed and it seemed easier to tell him the rest.