Not So Black and White

chapter 4

That night I came home to find Leo cooking, it was a surprise, he never cooked anymore. He was pleasant and dinner was delicious but I felt so guilty about where I actually was today. Was this a sign to stop the divorce? Was this the universe telling me Leo and I were going through a rough patch and our dinner was the light at the end of the tunnel?  We then actually washed the dishes together, I was happy until I realized that I was enjoying myself, laughing at his jokes and liking the feeling when our fingers brushed against one another in the sink, then I started to cry. Leo didn’t deserve all the lies, “I’m going to take a shower,” Soon as I shut and locked the door I took out my phone and dialed Mr. Black’s number.

As it rung I turned on the water and the fans to mask the sound of my voice. “Hello?” the musky voice asked.

“Mr. Black, its Anna”

“Ms. Hilder, is everything okay?”

“I don’t think I want a divorce anymore,” I pleaded.

“You don’t?” He didn’t sound as surprised as I thought he would.

“I don’t, he cooked dinner and we washed the dishes together and I was enjoying him. I was having a good time with him. Is this a sign?”

“A sign?”

“Yes a sign, a sign that I shouldn’t divorce him. A signal through the universe that we were just going through a rough patch,” I heard him sigh.

“Ms. Hilder, I’m not going to tell you what to do in your marriage but I don’t believe in universal signs. I believe in happiness. You sitting in front of my office for three days was you contemplating your happiness but when you walked through those doors and handed me a check for four grand that’s when you knew you were unhappy. You are still unhappy because you are making this call. You were unhappy until you realized you need more happiness, so you called me. You are still unhappy but I’m glad you are seeing the things in your use that still make you happy. Come in tomorrow and see me at one in the afternoon. Goodnight,” Just like that he hung up, almost like it was an automatic response, like he knew he was right. 

That night I watched for the good and the bad. For some reason he cleaned up dinner, good. Yet when I walked into the bathroom the toilet seat was down covered in urine, bad. He hugged my waiste as I took off the day’s makeup good. Asked to have sex, bad. For the first time I said no, “Nah, not tonight Leo,” He shrugged and went to bed. I lied there hearing the sounds of his breathing and snoring sycronizing as I tried to weigh more goods over the bads, but I couldn’t. The next morning it was a Saturday so I didn’t have any classes, lying again I told Leo I was going to go to campus and start my final project for my class. I almost wished he had complained that we weren’t spending a Saturday together but his response was, “Perfect, I’m just going to go into work today anyways.”

As I walked into Mr. Black’s office my mind changed again, “I still want the divorce.” I said sternly as I sat down disturbing him from whatever was engaging him so intently on his computer.

“Okay, well let’s do it.” He said smiling reaching for some papers.