Battles in the shadows

FORGET ME NOT

Karabo Rakwela sat several months later across her husband in the Gaborone Prison. The past five months had taken a huge toll on her but she remained standing in faith because she made a covenant of for better or for worse. But she also wondered just how long it would take before she breaks apart and end their marriage. She looked at the man that vowed to be by her side all the days of their lives, now a prisoner of his past, literally. He had lost a bit of weight but looks alright in the uniform orange jumpsuit. Was he eating well? Is he getting bullied by other prisoners? All these thoughts run through her mind daily.

"Are you well?" She asked softly.

"Yes, I am," He replied with a genuine smile.

"And you?"

"I'm getting by."

"How are your parents?" He asked sincerely.

"They are fine and are praying for you."

Phillip smiled and asked, "How is work?"

Going back to her job as a graphic designer and event planner had been a task but she was getting by.

"Thank you for visiting." He added before she could respond, it was her first visit and maybe the last. He thought sadly.

"Work is okay and there is an international competition I am entering for!" Her face suddenly brightened as she began talking about her ideas for the graphic designing contest. If she wins one of the top positions, she would get to become an intern at the host company for a whole year and from there she believes that she would become limitless.

Phillip was rejoicing within him. He told himself he would fast and pray so she gets it and have the break in her career they had been desiring and then she could move away, follow her dreams and move on with her life. The last part saddens him but he was a happy and proud husband.

"Karabo (which means "answer"), you are a blessed answer that God gave me when I was seeking His face for a woman I would spend the rest of my life with. Of course, things have changed but it was also my desire to be a husband that would love, cherish and support his wife wholeheartedly. I love you and will never stop loving you."

He took a deep breath and continued, "You will be in my prayers as always and you will surely get what you desire and get a chance to work at one of the best graphic designing hubs in the world! Karabo, you have greatness embedded inside of you because you are a Chosen Generation and a Royal Priesthood, Head and never tail! I believe in God for you and I also believe in you."

Karabo fought back the threatening tears and held his hands, happy and sad. This is her husband! A man who put her ahead in everything. She knew she had nothing to fear after he revealed his past just a year after their courtship. He had told her he wanted to marry her but that it was not just up to him but up to her. He told her to decide whether or not she still wanted to continue with the relationship after his past misdeeds comes to light. It took her a whole three months to work her brain and mind around the Lauretta Rakwela saga, praying, fasting and finally going for marriage counseling with him after the three month period.

"I made the choice to stand by you even after you told me about your past. Since I met you, you have done nothing but encourage, inspire, motivate and pray for me. You carried my dreams higher than you supported your own. Phillip, I know that I am not doing myself justice remaining in this marriage, after all you will be out when I will be 35 and you will be 38."

"What are you trying to say?" Phillip asked in bewilderment.

"Let us stay married." She replied softly.

Phillip broke down in tears and couldn't stop shedding tears for almost five minutes, making his wife feel a bit uncomfortable as the prison guard stole glances at them, especially her. She smiled back at him and slowly turned her head back to Phillip.

"Phil! Contain yourself silly!"

"Huh?"

"Should I send divorce papers?" She threatened.

H quickly composed himself. He was too shocked, sad and happy by her news but he was also angry.

"You can't do that to yourself. I wouldn't ask my own sister to do what you are doing right now! What about a happily married life? What about children? What about your parents? You can't tie yourself down to me."

"Phillip Rakwela!" She chided him.

"On one condition,"

She folded her arms across her chest and listened.

"That you go after your dreams and divorce me anytime you get tired of the wait."

"Phillip..."

He interrupted her and raised his hands then said,

"I am in no place to make demands but I will not accept your terms of staying in this...you are making yourself a married spinster!"

"Alright Phillip! Stop insulting me. I am your legal wife so don't think of looking at anyone else." She pouted like a kid.

"In here?" He laughed. "Karabo, I'm here for rehabilitation and reintegration not to come here and mess myself up."

"I will wait for you and will not leave my own destiny to suffer."

"Thank you."

"I miss you every day." He added with a bow of his head.

"We will get through this." She said and wiped the tears now running down her face.

"I love you and I am proud that you didn't run away when responsibility called." She added and grabbed his hands.

"This is going to be hard but I will pray for God's strength to overcome the temptations and trials that will come on this journey."

"Let's pray?"

Karabo wiped her tears and closed her eyes. She knew her choice was crazy but she would stand by him. He might not be a freedom fighter and is in prison for wrongdoing, but while we were yet sinners, Christ died for all. One day at a time, she would sleep alone, dine alone and live alone.

Phillip, don't forget me.

***********

Later that night, Phillip opened a letter from Kasane. He knew all about Laura's move and upset about their parents' "disowning" her but nothing could be done now. He brought this upon them.

"Dear Phillip,

How are you doing? Are you eating well? Have you put on weight or lost it? Are they treating you well? I am doing better daily and the recent nightmares after my marriage are dying too. Phillip, take care of yourself and know that we are all praying for you. Jesus loves you bro and when I can, I will visit. Shalom.

Lauretta Holmes."

He read and re-read it before finally placing it down on his bed.

"Dear God, I am able to survive so far because of you and because I know I am only getting what I deserve. Lord, I'm sorry for my past, help me to forgive myself and fully accept your love and forgiveness."

He rested his head on the pillow and busted into fresh tears.