broken dreams-a seaycee story

eight

Sean

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Kaycee was coming home the next day, if she passed all of the final rehabilitation tests. She was functioning as best as she could, and she still required me to be gentle and careful with her, but she was progressing really well. 

"It's unusual for anyone to recover like this after being out of it for five years," Holly remarked as we watched her through the glass window, working with the occupational therapists. Deep in thought, I nodded, watching the shine of the E reflect in the sunlight. "She's got so much strength. I couldn't do it if I were her."

She smiled. "It's strange. I've really only known her for a little over a week, but I feel like I know so much more about her. I've listened to you and watched her fight for over five years now. I feel like I know how capable this girl is, but she barely knows me."

"You've done so much for us, Holly," I said. "And that's why I wanted to give you this before we leave tomorrow." I produced an envelope out of my pocket and handed it to her. "As a thank you from the Rices and me. You taking care of Kaycee, and never giving up with me, making seeing her easy, helping me get around the visitation hours, and just really giving me the chance to talk about her, about it, laugh, cry, all of it," I said, trying not to get emotional. "That's a debt I'll never be able to repay." Her eyes widened at the sum as they filled with tears. "Sean, I-I can't accept this."

"You gave me back Kaycee," I said. "That's worth more to me than any number anyone could write on that. In my mind, that's not nearly enough." A tear dripped down her face and she hugged me. "I'll use it for my son's college," she smiled. "He'll thank you with his diploma one day, Sean."

And in that moment, I was happy.

Until later that night, when I received a call, around 9 pm.

Kaycee's heart had stopped. She was dying.

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The next few hours were a blur. Running through the hallways, Holly's face, the Rices arriving, and Laura looking at me, shaking her head, not allowing it to be true. "Sean," Kylie cried, burying her face in her hands as Devon rubbed her back. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know," I said numbly. "I wasn't here."

Damnit. Again. I wasn't here for her when she needed me to be. When they needed me to be.

What good was I at all?

The doctors were in the room, congregated around her bed, running tests, using machines, instituting medicines, calling to each other in a flurry of medical jargon I wished I understood. Everytime I caught a glimpse of a word through straining of my ears, I quickly searched it in Google, and instantly wished I hadn't. Nothing was positive.

We were this close. And I had lost her. Again.

Five years. All of this. Just to watch it go down the drain again. 

Through the shades, I watched her hand lay limply at the side of her bed. Her ring was still on. My heart splintered into a million pieces at the sight. I was surprised one of the Rices hadn't turned to me and asked for a doctor for me. The sound of my heart breaking was deafening. My blood pounded in my ears as it raced, anxiety and fear and hatred and frustration coursing through me. She didn't deserve this.

Not for it to end like this.

I closed my eyes, leaning back in my chair, exhaling, pushing all of my anger into my forced breath out. "Damnit!" Brad put his arm around me, attempting to calm me down. "It's alright, son. We have to stay calm for her sake."