broken dreams-a seaycee story

fifteen

Sean

Month 8

Japan

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Probably the last thing I wanted to do was be in Japan right now. Especially since I was sans Kaycee, since she wasn't allowed to travel anywhere over an hour away from the hospital we'd chosen (can you guess where?) in her third trimester. But, Will had asked me to step in for Alex since his mom's cancer tests came back positive, and I knew with Abby arriving really soon and me taking time away from Imma and gigs to stay home with her and Kayc, we could use the extra cash. Kaycee was fine with it, and not the kind of fine she says she is, but really isn't. I think she was genuinely relieved to get me out of the house.

She needed some time to herself to take up space and be herself, because it wasn't ever going to be just her again. And live it up she certainly had been doing. I'd been getting updates everyday. Massages, shopping trips, Netflix sessions, lots of ice creams, getting her hair and nails done, endless sessions with Kylie and Holly, who were with her every step of the way, getting her ready for the physical and mental ordeal of childbirth. I wished I could help her in some way, and all the doctors told me just being here with her was enough, but I wished I could help take that pain away, because I knew this was going to be a tough battle, one I wouldn't ever get to know, that she would face, when everything was bared down, alone.

At the studio, before the class started, I had a wallet picture of Kaycee and me on the couch taken by Kylie, my hand resting on her bump, the smiles on our faces bright as she laughed and looked up at me and I looked down at her, pride radiating off my face. I missed that smile more than anything. So I called her. 

"Hey, baby."

"Hey, you." her voice sounded sleepy. 

"Big day, huh?" I joked.

"Crashing from this week," she moaned. "Abbs has been doing a number on me, but I definitely gained a ton of weight from eating a pint of ice cream every damn night." I laughed. 

"I miss you," I said. 

"I miss you too," she sighed. "Come home soon, ok?"

"As fast as I can," I told her. "You know if I had the choice to teach all these classes in one day, I would."

"I know." She sounded defeated, but then her voice lightened up. "Bring me something back?"

"How could I forget?"

We'd made a pact with each other after World of Dance, to bring each other something back from wherever we went, even if it was just another state in the US. Both of us loved to travel, but missed the other like crazy, so when we went back, it was like a little piece of us was with the other. 

Will clapped his hands as he came into the room, motioning that it was time to start. I groaned. "Guess that's our final cue?" Kaycee exhaled.

"Unfortunately." I kissed the picture and sighed. "I gotta run. I love you. Try and get some sleep tonight. I have a feeling this class is gonna run long and I don't wanna make you wait up for no reason."

"Alright," she said. "Goodnight, babe. Only six more days."

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Kaycee

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It had somehow slipped my mind to tell him what I'd been trying to figure out how to tell him all day. The throbbing in my stomach. The convulsions that came once every like, 20 minutes, and the blood that had soaked through my sweatpants early this morning. I panted, and feeling my stomach flip again, ran to the toilet, and lurched over it, coughing and hacking. I knew whatever it was, it wasn't good, but I couldn't tell Sean, and even if I did, he couldn't help me.