In Too Deep

Chapter 14

We stayed wrapped in each other's arms for what seemed like forever, my head resting in the crook of his neck while his fingertips gently massaged my back. There was no need for words after the conversation we'd just had. I don't think I've ever been so open and honest about my family, and just talking about it has released a pressure I could feel building inside of me. I turned my head slightly, brushing my lips across Shannon's neck. "I need to go home," I whispered, knowing if I stayed, my emotions and Shannon would get the better of me. I felt his grip tighten around my waist. His face was buried in my hair, his soft breath warming me. "You've only just come back, stay and let's talk again in the morning," he murmured. He was still sat on the stool, with his legs either side of my hips. He scooted forward, wrapping himself around my waist, drawing me in closer. His groin connected with my stomach and I was suddenly aware of how hard he was, his erection digging into me. I heard him groan as he pushed into me. "Lexy, let's go to bed baby." He released his grip, allowing me to catch a breath and move away. My mind was jumbled and my body was aching for his touch. But this time ... this time I didn't want to risk getting hurt. I could see the confusion in his eyes as I bent over to pick up my bag.

"I can't stay Shannon, I really have to go." I moved closer, pushing strands of hair from his face and then tracing my fingers across his cheeks. I daren't look him in the eyes. I tipped my head up just enough to brush my lips against his. "I opened my heart to you tonight. That's why I'm leaving now Shan. Like you said, maybe your lifestyle isn't made for sharing. And I'm not about to let my heart get broken again."

"Dammit Lexy, just listen will you." He grabbed me as I walked off down the hallway to the door. "I fucked up last night but at least give me a second chance." His voice was a mix of anger and despair He must have known this was killing me. Just looking at the sadness in his eyes and the way he ran his tongue over his lips was enough to send a shiver through to my core. "Shan, let's leave it for now. I'll call you tomorrow. Get some sleep." I reached over and rubbed my fingers through his stubble, before gently kissing his cheek. "Goodnight Shan."

Shannon's POV

Sleep was honestly the last thing on my mind at that moment. I couldn't hide my hard-on from her when our bodies were wrapped together. She knew how I reacted when she was around. Lexy's in my thoughts day and night: the last thing on my mind when I climb into bed and the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning. Hearing her empty her heart out about Max made me realise how close maybe I had come at times. Close to death that is. No wonder she freaked out with me last night. I needed to talk - or the next best thing text.

Shannon: I understand I hurt you. Please let me make it up to you. Don't run away from me xxx

I pressed send. There was so much more I wanted to say but those words were a start.

As I walked into my bedroom, my phone pinged. I pulled it out of my pocket and read and reread Shannon's message. I wasn't sure he really understood how terrified I'd been seeing him out of it on drugs. I remember clearly seeing Max. Even now I can still recall the smells, the sight, everything about that night when I found him dead in his bedroom. I put my phone down on the bedside table and headed for the shower. The rivers of water trickled across my skin. I leaned my face against the cool tiles watching the steam billow around me. Slowly my body relaxed, eased by the heat and the water washing away the day's work. I stepped out and wrapped the towel tight around me.

"Lexy! " It was Jess. I could hear her gently tapping on the bedroom door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, I'm out of the shower. Jump on my bed and I'll be out now," I said, combing out my hair and grabbing a bottle of perfume.

"OK, how do I look," I said laughing, throwing open the bathroom door. The look of shock on my face must have registered immediately because Jess's eyes widened and she looked away. Sat on the bed next to her was Shannon. "Lex, I ... I thought you'd invited Shannon over. Um .... shall I leave you two..." Jess got up and walked over to the door, looking back at me. I thought she mouthed the words I'm sorry. The door closed silently as she left us alone.

"Lexy. Don't blame Jess for God's sake." He was sat on the edge of my bed, elbows resting on his knees, those eyes looking up at me.

"So what bare-faced lie did you use to get in my bedroom?" I asked, anger building up inside me, feeling annoyed with Jess for getting taken in by him. "I didn't lie Lexy. I just told her we needed to talk, which we do."

God, this man was driving me insane. I walked across the room and threw open my wardrobe, grabbing an old T-shirt and jogging pants. "Stay there. I'm changing in the bathroom." I definitely wasn't giving him the satisfaction of watching me removing the towel and getting dressed in front of him. Anyway, I didn't want him to see how aroused I was. Damned if I was giving him that satisfaction. I just needed space and he wasn't taking the hint. I threw my clothes on the bathroom floor, closing the door behind me. I dropped the towel, wiping the moisture from my body before dressing. One last look in the mirror told me these clothes were definitely not 'fuck-me' territory. I really didn't care.

I opened the door, switching off the light behind me. Shannon was now stretched out on my bed, the pillows still scrunched up from this morning. He looked beat up and exhausted. I could feel a pang of guilt working its way up from my stomach and resting heavily over my heart. He held out his arms. "Just come and sit down. Don't fight me tonight. I'll go home if you want but I can't face leaving you like this." I sighed, this wasn't what I wanted but at the same time, I couldn't face seeing him so upset.

"OK, but remember everything I've said. Don't hurt me Shannon." His eyes never left mine as I shifted his body to make room. I turned on my side away from him, feeling him move closer, his arm circling my waist, pulling me into the warmth of his body.

His face was nestled into my neck and he mumbled something I couldn't quite make out. After a few minutes his breathing slowed. He'd fallen into a deep sleep. I let my fingers run across his arm. I wanted him so desperately, my body was aching for his touch. But could I trust him?