In Too Deep

Chapter 11

I made my way back to the table to find Jess picking at a bowl of tortilla chips while thumbing through Instagram posts on her phone. She looked up as I approached and starting waving the screen in front of my face.

"Wow Lex, is there no stopping Jared!" I grabbed the phone desperate to know what she was looking at. The photo already had thousands of likes; Jared pictured spread across the passenger seat of his truck, shirt open, eyes burning through the camera lens.

"Oh hell ... he's not letting go easily on this one," I said, memories of the previous night still all too real.

"Shall I like the post Lex?" Jess laughed as I lunged to grab her phone.

"Don't you dare," I said, a smile dancing across my lips. "I don't want to further his erotic fantasies. He doesn't need any help there.

"Anyway ..... Shannon's just messaged me ....."

"Shit Lex, it's like living in a real life soap opera. Can't we slow down hun?" She dipped a chip in the guacamole and forced open my mouth. "Eat girl because you'll fade away unless someone looks after you. What did Shan want anyway?"

"Mmmm .... he wants me to go over his place. I desperately want to ... but I'm so out-of-it tired, I can't think straight. I don't know what I need most: food, sleep or Shan sex," I giggled, folding my arms on the table and lowering my head.

"No ... scrap even Shan sex ... I'm just too tired, I'm just babbling."

Jess smiled and leaned over to give her friend a big hug. "I'm not sure how you're coping at the moment Lex but try to eat some more chips and see how you feel."

For the next half hour we talked ... mostly business ... but eventually turning to the Leto brothers.

Jess started: "So tell me how you feel about them. I can sort of understand Shannon but ... Jared? What hold does he have over you Lex?"

I had to think before answering, maybe not too sure myself on that last part. "Well, I guess Shannon stole my heart on the plane journey over here." I paused, remembering how he didn't want me to be part of his world. I remembered his words: "tainted by all the crap I have to deal with".

"After we parted at LAX, I dreamed of meeting him again. Didn't think for one moment we would and then ... well you know what happened." I went quiet, remembering the moment we first made love. Well ... the only time we've been in bed together.

"And what about Jared?" Jess prompted.

This was the question I'd been asking myself endlessly since our paths crossed. What was it about him? I took time before answering, tracing my fingers across the rough wood of the table.

"It's different Jess. When I'm with Shannon, I feel we have something special, a deeper understanding of each other's needs. I feel emotionally safe when I'm with him.

"Jared ....." my voice tailed off. "Jared is so different. He seems to delight in controlling me. There's part of me that wants to fight him over it ... but the other night it was wonderful just letting him take charge. But it left me really scared ...."

"Scared of what Lex?" Jess reached over and squeezed my hand. "We all know Jared's a man who always gets what he wants. Why not give in to him?" She leaned over and whispered in my ear: "What's the point of fighting it?"

"How about fear of the unknown Jess!" I said. "I'm frightened of his next demand, frightened of failing him. What do they say about never mixing work and play!"

Of course, what I didn't tell Jess was how I delighted in having my sexual limits pushed and edged into territories so new to me. I decided to bite my tongue on that one.