Who are you?

Pt4

Jaebum let a slight chuckle escape his lips, looking at you as if you had completely and utterly lost your mind – not knowing whether to burst out laughing or take your words seriously. You scrunched your eyebrows close together upon seeing his amused face before hearing the rest of the boys let out nervous laughter, looking between each other as you began to grow more frustrated and nervous.
"Why are you all laughing? And why would you guys bring a stranger into my hospital room? Don't you think that's a bit...inappropriate?" you looked at them all as if they were complete morons for allowing someone whom you had never met before to be with them in your hospital room during what should have been a moment of endearing exchanges and words of relief.
Jackson and Jaebum immediately caught each other's eyes – both of them looking between you and the rest of the group and wondering just what the hell was happening.
"(Y/N)...it's your boyfriend? Jaebum? What in the world are you talking about?" Jinyoung laughed nervously as you felt the air around you grow thick with tension. You looked back into Jaebum's face, his eyes darting back and forth between yours as he watched you squint at him in confusion.
"I...b-boyfriend?" you stammered mid-sentence, "I don't have a boyfriend...what on earth are you talking about? I've never met this person in my life" you shook your head in annoyance as you pulled your hand away from Jaebum, moving yourself slightly more towards Jackson on the other side of your bed.
Jaebum looked at the rest of the boys as he was sure his heart had completely sunk right down to his ankles. He opened his mouth several times to speak to you, hoping that any moment you would turn your head back towards him and reveal that you were playing the cruellest joke of the century on him; but to his dismay, you sat there like you had indeed never before met him – as if he were a complete stranger to you.
"Are you...are you really being serious right now (Y/N)?" Jaebum managed to formulate a coherent sentence as he felt a lump the size of a boulder form in his throat. "How can she remember all of them – but not me?" he thought quickly, before you let out a disgruntled sigh, growing quickly impatient with him.
"Are you deaf? I don't know you – why are you here? Look guys, I know you all like to prank and play around but I think this has gone too far - I don't feel comfortable with him here.." you croaked half sternly – your throat still feeling rather raw from having a tube stuck down there for so many months. Jaebum looked like his soul left his body as he leaned back, his eyes glazing over as he felt like someone had just stabbed him in the chest.
"Wait – hang on a second, hold up. What group are we in (Y/N)? What's our group's name?" Jackson bent down to you – absolutely determined to get to the bottom of this and praying that it was just a huge misunderstanding.
You held your breath for a moment before looking up at him and keeping your brows knitted close together. "GOT7" you replied slowly.
"Okay – GOT7 has 7 members, right?"
"Yes..." you breathed as you felt your head beginning to ache and become foggy for reasons you couldn't quite comprehend.
"Alright, so if GOT7 has 7 members...look around the room (Y/N) – Me, Jinyoung, Mark, Youngjae, Yugyeom, BamBam...and Jaebum? Jaebum as in – the leader of GOT7?" his voice getting marginally higher as he used his fingers to point to each boy who all looked at you with such shock and confusion on their faces.
You blinked several times, counting over and over in your head while looking at their faces before your eyes landed back on Jaebum. You knew GOT7 consisted of 7 members, but no matter how hard you tried – when you saw Jaebum's face, it just didn't make any connection with your memory at all. You observed his entire facial features; his dark orbs with 2 freckles above his left eye, his strong nose and several faded freckles around it with his perfect cupids bow lips and sharp jaw-line as he stared at you with begging eyes, praying that somehow you were just mistaken or a bit foggy from waking up.
"Look...I – I feel really confused right now. I don't know you...and I know that there should be 7 members but...I just can't remember this guy ever being the 7th member...agh!" you shut your eyes tight as you pressed your fingertips against your temples to soothe the banging headache that was making itself at home there.
"(Y/N) please...you know who I am! I'm your boyfriend...We met four years ago and we've been dating for 2 of those years – we met on your birthday when you were doing a part-time job at JYP and you ran right into me and knocked us both over; remember? How can you not remember!? It doesn't make any sense!" Jaebums voice grew louder and more turbulent – balling his hands into tight fists as he fast became annoyed at you for making him feel like he was never a part of your life. It was as if all his memories of you were playing in his mind right then and there – all the dates you both went on, the struggles of being an idol and having a girlfriend in secret, all the times you kissed him and hugged him and; last but not least, how he secretly betrayed you by cheating on you in the months leading up to your accident.
"Jackson please get him out of here – he's scaring me, please!" you screamed, reaching up to hold on to Jacksons arm as Jackson instinctively went into a more protective stance over you - observing a vein forming in Jaebum's forehead, his face getting red and angry as if he had turned into old Jaebum again and making all the guys feel on edge as Jinyoung and Youngjae moved over to him; ready to step in and defuse his old quick temper, in fear that he would really explode. Ever since Jaebum had met you, he became a much calmer, more grounded person who learned to talk things out and control his explosive fuse - and seeing him behave this irate once again really made them all worried beyond belief.
"What's going on in here?" the door opened, revealing your attending nurse as she stepped inside upon hearing your screaming and crying, seeing the obvious distress all over your face as none of the boys were able to say anything in response.
"Nurse...I think...I think something's wrong..." BamBam said quietly.
It took quite a while to explain in full detail the account of what had just happened – the whole time, Jaebum not being able to speak or even open his mouth as he sat in the waiting room with the other 6 boys as they gave the details of you being able to remember all of them – except him.
"How long do you think (Y/N) will be away for?" Jaebum heard Mark asking one of the nurses at her station.
"She's been taken to receive several scans and to have a talk with one of our specialists so...that could take anywhere from an hour or more, depending on where her place is on the list. If you'd like to wait here in the meantime..." she replied apologetically before having to excuse herself to attend to other patients on the floor.
"I don't understand any of this..." Youngjae threw his head back in defeat as he slumped down in the chair.
"How can she remember all of us except hyung? It doesn't make any sense to me" Yugyeom added, looking over to Jaebum who looked like his entire world was falling apart once again – thinking that things had certainly gotten worse since you woke up; the one moment he had been waiting for, for 6 long and painful months.
"That's what I don't get. Surely if she has memory loss, she wouldn't remember any of us. It's not possible... is it?" Jackson grumbled before cursing under his breath. He thought that all of their prayers and wishes had truly been answered and granted upon you waking up – but now he couldn't help but think that it was just the calm before the storm as he watched Jaebum lifelessly sit in his chair. Jaebum couldn't even think straight, let alone add to the conversation his friends were currently having. "Why is this happening? How can this happen? What the fuck is going on?" he asked himself over and over, feeling completely useless and insignificant as he recalled the cold way you looked at him when you asked him who he was. He didn't know whether to cry, scream, vomit or punch the wall behind him – as for the first time in his life, he had so much emotion built up inside him that all it portrayed on the outside was nothing but numbness, like pins and needles in his mind.
An excruciating 3 hours later, a male doctor came to greet the 7 boys – taking them into a side room to explain your situation as each and every one of them felt dread in the bottom of their stomachs, aching to hear if they had any good news to offer them as they spaced themselves out around the room, Jaebum and Jackson taking the two seats in front of the doctors desk – anxiously anticipating what was about to come.
"Okay so – let's just get right down to it, shall we?" he began, opening his file and taking out several papers with vital information about you written on them before he looked up at the boys – seeing the obvious woe and turmoil written all over their faces.
"Did you find something? Do you know why can she remember all of us except me?" Jaebum spoke out, resting his fingertips on the desk as the doctor cleared his throat, looking down at his notes before beginning.
"Well, as you know – we took (Y/N) for a CT scan, an MRI and we performed an EEG to measure and record her brain activity. We also asked her some questions on general knowledge, historical events, real life events in the world and such to see if she could remember them and she answered all the questions to the best of her ability. However, when asked about GOT7 and having no recollection of Jaebum...well..." he wet his lips quickly as Jaebum practically sat on the edge of his seat, waiting for the truth to finally be revealed.
"Through our tests, we have found that (Y/N) does appear to have developed a form of amnesia called retrograde amnesia"
Silence took over the room as none of the boys had even heard the term before – Jaebum swallowing hard as he felt hot and cold flushes wash over his body.
"Okay, well what is it? What does it mean?" Jackson asked, leaning his elbow on the table as he just desperately wanted to know the full extent of the new term.
"When a person has retrograde amnesia, it means that a part - or parts of their memories have been lost due to severe damage to their temporal lobes or a part of the brain called the hippocampus, which stores a person's memories and lets them have access to it. In (Y/N)'s case, it seems that she is having trouble with her autobiographical memory. But...it's quite interesting given that the person she can't remember is the person she was probably closest to.." he let his eyes fall upon Jaebum who was now fidgeting nervously in his seat.
"Wait, so you're saying that it's possible she can remember everything about her life...except hyung?" Yugyeom asked in disbelief as the doctor nodded in turn – leaving the boys more confused than ever.
"It's quite a rare case, however is it absolutely possible. But, it begs the question as to why she has forgotten Jaebum. In the recorded cases of this happening...a person's mind eliminates the most traumatic memories to them – memories that they would have rather not made in the first place because it possibly caused them a great deal of stress or sadness... so..."
Jaebum felt the doctor's words crash into him like an raging tidal wave as beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead. He felt like he was standing in front of a million people, all looking at him with questioning eyes as every single person in the room slowly let their gaze wander on to him, wondering what exactly this could mean – before Jinyoung scoffed through his teeth, getting slightly irritated at the doctors explanation.
"That can't be possible. Jaebum and (Y/N) have a great relationship. They've been together for two years now and although they may have had arguments; doesn't every couple? They love each other unconditionally and Jaebum would never do anything to hurt (Y/N) or make her feel that much stress. And I know that for a fact" he crossed his arms defiantly as his words felt like a stake being shoved right into the centre of Jaebum's heart. He began to feel his lungs collapsing inside his chest – his head dizzy and his stomach retching before he felt his lunch coming up as he put his hand over his mouth – motioning for one of the boys to pass him over the trashcan before he emptied the entire contents of his stomach into it; Youngjae and Mark rubbing his back as he vomited while everyone else watched his actions carefully – especially Jackson.
"Jaebum, would you like to step outside to the bathroom? We can continue when you come back – take your time" the doctor quickly stood up upon Jaebum wiping his mouth and sitting with the trashcan in between his legs.
"Yeah – I – I'm sorry I just don't feel well, I'll be back in a moment. I'm really sorry, excuse me" he muttered quickly as he clumsily took to his feet, stumbling over the chair and making his way past the other boys before swinging the door open and still feeling like he was going to be sick again as he rushed towards the bathrooms.
Much to Jaebum's surprise, he was able to stop himself from throwing up any further upon locking himself inside the one-man bathroom, leaning over the sink and splashing his face with the cold tap water. As he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he completely broke down in tears as his mind became wrecked with question after question. "Did she know? How could she have known? Is this why she can't remember me? Did I cause this?" he asked over and over as the guilt from his betrayal took over his entire body, making him shake and tremble in fear and loathing of himself. "There's no way she could have known – she would have said something" he convinced himself as he slumped down on to the floor, not being able to stand for a moment longer. He wished he could turn back time, he wished that he hadn't been so stupid as to do something so horrible for the fun and thrill of chasing someone all over again – he wished with all his heart that you remembered him so he could once and for all tell you about his lies and cheating in the hopes you would forgive him and give him a second chance; but since you couldn't remember him – how would he ever possibly be able to give that to you now?
"Jaebum? You in there?" a voice from the other side of the door called out along with several knocks. Jaebum sniffled a few times, reaching over to flush the toilet to pretend he wasn't on the ground having a full blown panic attack before pulling himself to his feet and wiping his face with his sleeves.
After gathering himself and brushing down his jeans with his hands, he opened the door – seeing Jackson standing on the other side waiting for him.
"Hey – sorry. I'm okay now, I just got...I don't know. I –"
"Can I ask you something?" Jackson bluntly cut him off, staring straight into Jaebum's eyes as the toilet door silently closed behind him. Jaebum took a deep breath in, nodding his head as Jackson swallowed quickly, folding his arms before looking to the ground.
"You and (Y/N)...you guys – I don't know, you guys were doing good, right?" Jackson raised his eyes once again to Jaebums face – now panicked as Jaebum convinced himself that he had no other choice but to tell another string of lies to one of his best friends. "There's no way in hell I can tell him right now...he would kill me" he thought – and he was very much correct as Jackson feared what he might do at the thought of Jaebum ever hurting you; emotionally or physically.
"We were but...recently we had some bad arguments because of my schedule and how I wasn't spending enough time with her. I guess...things were said in the heat of the moment and...you know?"
Jackson looked at Jaebum very carefully, knowing full well that Jaebum was telling him a bare faced lie. He had known his leader for too long to be deceived that easily, but he decided to try and give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Oh...I see...and, one more thing" he paused, "On the night of the accident, where did you go again?"
Jaebum cleared his throat, trying to remember what he had said on that night to Jackson as he had told that many lies in such a short amount of time, it all began to become jumbled in his mind. As he thought about what really happened the night you almost died, he couldn't help the tears from forming in his eyes once more – hating himself more than ever for not only lying to the woman he loved, but lying to his best friend too.
"Well...we had a really heated argument and – oh god" he choked, watching Jackson tilt his head at him through his tears. "We had a row over me coming home so late...so I left her apartment and went for a run to cool off. The next thing I knew, I was back at the dorms and you called me...and well; y-you know the rest" he put his face in his hands – crying over what he was really doing behind your back and just hoping that Jackson would take his fabricated story for what it was and question him no further.
Jacksons mouth formed an O shape as he nodded, before raising his hand to rest it on Jaebum's shoulder.
"I'm sorry for making you upset man. I just wanted to ask. If that's what you say happened, then I believe you" Jackson gave Jaebum a look of sympathy as Jaebum felt a slight rush of relief pass through his body.
"You head on back, I need to take a leak. Tell them I'll be there in a minute" Jackson patted Jaebum's back, both the boys nodding at each other as Jaebum began walking back in the direction of the room – ready to re-tell the lie he just told Jackson to the doctor and the other boys as a sure explanation that it was the only kind of trauma he could have possibly caused you.
Jackson stood, watching Jaebum like a hawk as he slowly traipsed along the corridor. He leaned against the toilet door, trapping his bottom lip in between his teeth before clicking his tongue in annoyance, knowing that Jaebum had completely just lied to him through his teeth. He wanted so desperately to believe in Jaebum and his words, but something truly wasn't sitting right with him at all as he thought to himself; "What are you hiding, Jaebum?"