Who are you?

Pt11

Back at the dorm, Jaebum had been going out of his mind all night, replaying every single conversation he had with Jackson since the moment you entered the hospital. At the time, he didn't notice anything strange in the way Jackson was acting, due to him being in a complete state of shock over what happened. But now, he was consumed with his thoughts of "What does Jackson know?"
Jaebum looked down at his watch, "3:30am" it read, as he continued to pace the living room - still calling Jackson over and over and wondering where in the hell he was. Jaebum knew the rest of the boys were asleep; leaving only Jackson and Jinyoung to be accounted for. "Maybe they just went out for dinner and drinks - maybe I'm just getting too inside my own head" he bit his lip furiously, feeling his stomach twist and turn with so much gripping anxiety that he thought he would fall to the ground at any given moment. A few agonising seconds later, Jaebum stopped in his tracks as he heard keys being turned in the lock of the front door. He felt like a deer caught in headlights - just standing there and waiting for the door to open. On one hand, he wanted it to be Jackson and Jinyoung - casually strolling in, half tipsy and rosy cheeked from a night out. But on the other hand, he knew deep down that something was up. What that something was...he feared more than anything else in the world; but not as much as he feared losing you.
The door opened to reveal Jackson and Jinyoung stepping in from the chilly night air. Jiynoung's eyes went straight to Jaebum's face that was ridden with ten different levels of guilt, while Jackson calmly removed his shoes and coat before stepping further into the room and not uttering a single word.
"Where the hell have you been?" Jaebum spoke first while Jinyoung darted his eyes back and forth between the two.
"What do you mean?" Jackson asked, his voice calm and steady, wanting to compose himself for as long as possible.
Jaebum furrowed his brows at Jackson's answer - feeling a mixture of impatience and annoyance growing within him. "What do you mean 'what do you mean'? I asked you where you've been. I've been calling you for over four hours! Where have you been?" Jaebum broadened his shoulders and lowered his tone while taking a step further towards Jackson. Jinyoung took this opportunity to sit down on the sofa, slowly crossing one leg over the other and keeping his eyes safely on the ground; waiting for the imminent hurricane to rip through the entire dorm.
"Oh, me?" Jackson raised his eyebrows in a sarcastic fashion as he looked Jaebum dead in his eyes, "Sorry, I didn't get your calls - I always put my phone on silent when I go out for a run"
Jaebum let a dry chuckle escape him while he rolled his eyes, "You were out running - for FOUR hours? I -"
Jaebum cut his own sentence off in the form of his mouth turning as dry as the desert. As Jackson tiled his head and smiled coyly at him, Jaebum knew in that moment what was happening. "The roles have reversed...do you understand now?" Jackson thought to himself, wondering just how long Jaebum planned on playing this game.
"A bit like on the night of (Y/N)'s accident. You were out...running...for four hours. Gotta get that exercise in, right?" Jackson crossed his arms while watching nothing less than complete devastation smack Jaebum right in his face like a dead fish.
"What are you insinuating? I told you the truth, I told you where I was. I don't understand why -"
"No, Jaebum" Jackson sighed out of pure frustration - Jinyoung breathing deeply as he thought to himself "Jaebum, you're digging a hole deep enough for your own grave."
Jaebum knew right then and there from the look in Jackson's eyes that he was caught. He had no where left to run and hide, he no longer had the ability to come up with another lie to cover up his sins. It was almost like he could feel every muscle in his own body tightening in the most tortuous way possible, making it difficult to breathe, let alone stand on his own two feet to face his guilt.
"I'm going to give you...one last chance to tell me where you were that night." Jackson took a step forward, coming completely face to face with Jaebum who was now looking at the ground, not able to face his best friend by looking him in his eyes a second longer. "And I swear to God, you better tell me the truth this time." Jackson's voice never wavered as he felt burning flames prancing across his entire body. Jinyoung could practically cut the tension between the two of them with a knife, as Jaebum opened and closed his mouth, darting his eyes here and there - all while feeling he was unmercifully and unforgivably backed into a corner.
"It sounds like you already know the truth, somehow." Jaebum clenched his jaw, feeling his chest about to collapse with everything hitting him at once. "If you already know the truth, then why do you need me to tell you?" Jaebum angrily raised his voice, desperately trying not to cry in front of Jackson. In that moment, all he could think about was you. How he wished he had never done any of this - how he wished he could go back and change the past.
"Because I want you to look me in the eyes when you say it. I want to see your face when you tell me. I swear to god Jaebum if you don't - that's it. You and I...we are finished. And I mean that." Again, Jackson took another step forward - forcing Jaebum to step back as he felt his shoulder blades press against the living room wall. Jinyoung raised his head slightly at Jackson's words, knowing that if the two of them didn't quiet down, they would end up waking the entire dorm up.
Defeated, with nowhere else to turn - Jaebum knew that he had to come clean, whether he liked the circumstances or not. "Fine, but not when Jinyoung is here. I'll speak to you alone."
"I'll be staying here, Jaebum. Go ahead, don't mind me." Jinyoung never looked at Jaebum as he spoke - Jackson never taking his eyes off Jaebum's guilty demeanour while he clenched his fists, feeling his knuckles ache from the built up woe inside of him. Jaebum inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as they threatened tears. "This is it. It's all over."
"I wasn't out running. I was...I went to a hotel and stayed there."
"With who?" Jackson squinted his eyes at his leader.
"With..." Jaebum paused as he looked into Jackson's stare that was full of fire and passion, knowing full well now that Jackson knew absolutely everything. "With...another woman."
Jackson let his head fall back as he looked to the ceiling. Admittedly, it felt good to hear Jaebum finally tell him the truth. But all it did was evoke even more anger and rage inside him as he rolled his eyes before landing them back on Jaebum while he thought "Too little, too late."
"And, what were you doing at the hotel with this woman?" Jackson's voice became louder, yet lower - equally threatening and menacing. Jaebum felt his perspiration begin to drip slowly from his forehead like he was standing in front of a thousand degree kiln on a hot, mid-summers day.
Jaebum licked his lips slowly, his heart now hammering in his chest - almost as if it was trying to burst right out of him in an attempt to escape the situation. Jackson felt himself growing even more furious with each second that ticked by without a response from Jaebum - breathing through his nose as he watched Jaebum raise his eyes to meet his.
"...you know what I was doing...just, don't make me say it Jackson...please.." Jaebum begged Jackson with his eyes, knowing that he had no more fight left in him to retaliate. At this point, Jackson completely lost any ounce of patience he had within him. Jaebum widened his eyes to see Jackson fully squaring up to him - now completely trapped between him and the wall behind him.
"Did it feel good, JB? Did it feel good to fuck her while your own girlfriend was dying on a hospital bed?! Was it worth it?" Jackson roared at the top of his lungs right down Jaebum's throat. Jaebum clenched his teeth so hard, he was sure they would crumble from the pressure - but he was desperately trying not to cry. However, his attempt proved unsuccessful as he couldn't escape all of the blameworthy guilt that flooded his entire body.
"Jackson..." Jinyoung spoke up in fear of him waking the other members, only to have Jackson completely cut him off.
"Why did you do it? WHY on earth did you do this Jaebum? (Y/N)...does she mean nothing to you? If you didn't want to be with her and be with someone else instead...why didn't you just end things with her?" Jackson could feel his own heat radiating from the top of his head - almost blowing steam out of his ears like a train as he watched Jaebum break down right in front of him. Jaebum spluttered, tears running down his cheeks as he bit his lip hard. He wished he had some valid excuse as to why he betrayed you so viciously; at least that way, his behaviour could have been somewhat justifiable.
"I...was an idiot Jackson. It was a moment of boredom and madness and it just went too far and before I knew it, it was too late and I couldn't stop it I -"
"Happiness was too boring for you, was it Jaebum?!" Jackson screamed at him - both of the boy's foreheads now fully flush together. It was then that Jinyoung could hear movement from down the hallway, causing him to take his eyes off Jackson and Jaebum to look in the direction of the other members rooms as he leaned over on the sofa.
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for what I did and I've been living with the guilt every single day since (Y/N) went into hospital! Don't you know how sorry I am? Don't you know how I would go back and switch places with her in a heartbeat if I could?" Jaebum continued to pour his heart out, letting all of his pent up dishonour and regret bleed out of him like a knife being twisted around inside his gut. Not being able to hold on for any longer, Jackson grabbed Jaebum by the neckline of his shirt, raising his fist to his best friends face; before laying his knuckles into Jaebum's lips so hard that he caused him to smack his entire body off the wall behind him. Feeling like a man who had just lost everything, Jaebum took the punch that he knew he had coming to him, not even attempting to defend himself.
"(Y/N) ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF YOU! You have -" Jackson was about to continue his verbal assault on his older friend, before Mark, Youngjae, Yugyeom and BamBam came scrambling down the hallway in fear and confusion. All of them had just woken up, rubbing the sleep from their eyes as they heard the massive bang of what would have been Jaebum's body being rammed against the living room wall.
"What the heck is going on in here?!" Mark spoke up first as he went to run across the living room to Jackson and Jaebum. However, Jinyoung was already on his feet as he stopped him in his tracks, looking into his eyes as serious as a judge.
"I need you all to leave. Right now. Go put on your coats and shoes and I'll call you when you can come back. You can't be here right now." Jinyoung spoke calmly and sternly as the rest of the boys looked between him, Jaebum and Jackson - who were still staring each other down with their chests rising and falling sporadically.
Jackson's eyes never left Jaebum's pity filled faced while the four other members did as they were asked. They knew that something was definitely up, but they knew better than to hang around and ask questions from the serious tone of Jinyoung's voice and the ferocity radiating from Jackson and Jaebum. Not a second after Youngjae, who was last in line, left the dorm - Jaebum raised his hand to his mouth in an attempt to soothe the throbbing he got from Jackson's fist.
"...you have no idea how much I hate you right now. I've watched you lie to me and the other boys over the past seven months. I've watched you cry, I've comforted you, I've been there for you...yet you still couldn't open your mouth to tell me the truth." Jackson finished his previous sentence as Jaebum slid to the floor beneath him. He couldn't control himself any more as he burst out into a fresh round of tears - his only thoughts being of you and how much of this was entirely his fault.
"Jackson...I wanted to tell you. I know that it doesn't make a difference now but - I was so scared. I wanted to come clean to (Y/N) as soon as she woke up, but then she -"
"She lost her memory. I know" Jackson breathed out harshly, still towering over Jaebum while Jinyoung moved in close behind - ready to intervene to stop Jackson from hitting Jaebum a second time in fear that someone could really get hurt. "But do you know what the worst thing is, Jaebum?" Jackson leaned down towards him, Jaebum not daring to look him in the eyes out of pure shame and humiliation.
"(Y/N) knew the entire time...she knew that you were cheating on her. That's why she was on Grosvenor Street. That's why she was outside that disgusting bar you took your bit on the side to. That...that is why she ran out into the middle of the road and almost died. She followed you there because she knew everything."
Jaebum could feel his airways closing over as he hung off Jackson's every word, finally putting the missing pieces of the puzzle together. If he didn't know better, he would have assumed he was taking a heart attack - but what he was feeling was pure devastation and annihilation. And the only person he could blame, was himself.
"You know, Jinyoung and I met with Mia earlier on. She's a nice person, actually. And you fucked both of them over. Literally." Jackson stood up and turned around, pushing Jinyoung out of his way as he just needed to be as far away from Jaebum as possible. For the first time in his life, Jackson was afraid that his anger would cause him to do something he would later regret.
Jaebum couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't yet know how or all the details, but the fact that Jackson had gone to such lengths to find out the truth both shocked and amazed him in the worst way possible. Jaebum stood up, almost toppling over himself as his head spun while he called out to Jackson.
"Where are you going now?" he asked in a small voice, like a wounded dog in the corner, watching Jackson pull his coat on and lace up his shoes.
"I'm going for a walk to cool off. And then I'm going to go to (Y/N) and I'm gonna tell her everything you didn't. She deserves the truth, Jaebum. And if you don't have the balls to do it - then you leave me with no choice." Jackson turned round to face him once more. Jaebum practically begged Jackson with his eyes not to do it, before feeling uncontrollable rage fill him.
"This was your plan all along, wasn't it?" Jaebum shouted out just as Jackson turned around to leave.
"You want her for yourself. You've always wanted her - don't even try to lie to me" Jaebum let out a manic chuckle. "You love her, don't you?"
Jackson turned his head slightly to just about make out Jinyoung and Jaebum's figures from behind him. And without saying anything, he forcefully pulled open the door and stepped out, letting the door slam shut with a bang.
Jaebum heaved with a mixture of terror, sadness and guilt all at the same time as he let out a blood curdling cry, dropping to his knees once more while gripping the carpet with his hands. Everything had happened so fast that it felt like his world was spinning. "Jinyoung...I...I love (Y/N) so much. And I can't fix this because I'm a fucking idiot!" he screamed once more with his vein-filled forehead pressing against the carpet, crying his heart out while wishing that the world would just swallow him whole; wiping his entire existence from the earth.
Jinyoung slowly raised his head as he began treading closer to his older friend, before silently sitting down beside him. Jinyoung knew in his heart that Jaebum wasn't a bad person; rather, he had just done bad things that painted him in such a light. Whether those things could be forgiven or not...that was an entirely different question.
"Jackson hates me, and now (Y/N) is going to hate me. You probably hate me too. I've...I've lost everything Jinyoung. I've fucked up so badly and I can't do anything I -" Jaebum coughed harshly, before feeling Jinyoung's arms snake around him, pulling him into his chest as Jaebum continued to sob with no intentions of stopping.
"Jackson...he hates what you've done. But, I don't think Jackson is capable of hating anyone. I also hate what you have done to (Y/N). But at the end of the day...you're our brother. And although what you have done could have cost (Y/N) her life...you need to face it head on. So you can either be forgiven, or so you can both move forward in your lives." Jinyoung cradled Jaebum's head in his arms as he felt Jaebum's grip tighten around him - like he was clinging on to his last shed of hope.
"But, I don't want to move on in my life without her. I was stupid because I didn't realise that she is my life. It took almost losing her for me to wake up. And I know that if Jackson tells her...she'll never forgive me because he loves her, Jinyoung. He's always loved her. I know he has..." Jinyoung listened to Jaebum's words, knowing that every single thing he was saying was the truth - for once. Jinyoung had often noticed the way Jackson looked at you when he thought no one else was watching. Jinyoung also knew that because you were so madly in love with Jaebum that you were too blind to pick up on Jackson's feelings. "The text-book definition of a love-triangle" he quietly kept to himself.
"The only thing you can do is hope that Jackson changes his mind and lets you tell her yourself. And then, the only thing you can do is hope she forgives you. Until then..." Jinyoung trailed off, not even knowing how to finish his sentence, while he continued to sit on the floor with his long-time friend and enveloped him close to him.
Long after the sun had risen, Jackson found himself sitting outside the hospital. He didn't know why he sat there for so long, watching the streets as they became busier with people going about their daily business. Jackson raised his head to the sky, recalling Mia's words to him a mere few hours ago, "You have to tell her. Because, while the truth will hurt her...you not telling her is even more of an insult than Jaebum cheating on her."
"Either way, she's going to get hurt" he said out loud, gathering himself as he stood up and began walking in the direction of the entrance doors. While taking the stairs up to your floor, Jackson's heart began to race like nothing he had ever felt before. He tried to come up with the correct words to use to break the news to you about Jaebum's betrayal - even though you didn't fully remember him. He knew that it would tear you apart, but he also knew that he was going to be there to carry you through this; no matter what it took.
After signing himself in at the visitors register, Jackson made his way to your room. Usually, walking in through your private hospital room door gave him such joy - just being able to see your smiling face and hear the laughter he had grown so addicted to hearing was enough for him. Even when he first found out that you and Jaebum had gotten into a relationship, he didn't feel like it was the end of the world. Your happiness had become his happiness; and that was the day he knew that he had fallen completely in love with everything about you. As he pressed his hand down on the door handle, he recalled his thoughts two years ago, "Even if it's not me who gets to kiss her and love her, I know she'll be happy with Jaebum. I know that he'll love her with all his heart - and that's enough for me."
Jackson held his breath as he let himself into your room - his eyes going straight to you, unaware of his presence and sitting on your knees in the middle of your bed with a collection of pictures that were of you and Jaebum. Jackson widened his eyes at the look of shock and disbelief on your face as you leafed through them, swallowing hard before he quickly ran over to be by your side; knowing that something was wrong.
"What's wrong (Y/N)? Are you okay?" he placed his hands on your shoulders, his face full of worry and his eyes swimming with curiosity. You looked up into Jackson's face, before letting the biggest smile spread across your lips - similar to that of an eagle spreading it's wings and taking flight for the first time.
"Jackson...I remember him...
I...I remember everything."